Advice needed

[sheri1980]

Hi everyone, I need some help please. I'm 32 been with my husband 15 years, married 9 yrs with 3 children. He has been off work for 4 years now with anxiety and depression.
We struggle a lot on benefits, it's awful, I hate having to claim them but have no option at the moment as he can't look after the kids do I can work and I can't work as I have to literally do everything at home. I am miserable, well beyond that now, if I could I would leave.
But I love my children, they need a stable home with both parents! I can't share them, I would rather die than spend time away from them!! If we separated then I would have to have shared custody and that would be hell for me!! They are my life.
My husband says I'm selfish wanting him to work, as he is too anxious to work and I should not expect him to, it's not fair on him.
Am I being selfish? After 4 years should I still be supportive of him? Can I not at least expect him to be getting better and going back to work, I feel like I'm the bad one, in the wrong as I called him selfish for putting what he wants before us, I told him he has a responsibility to us and he needs to work. Am I wrong?? Because I feel wrong now.
I feel life passing me by, I want to smile, have fun, be happy but my marriage makes me miserable.
I want to leave him, but can't because of my children, then I truly am the selfish one!
It's like he just looks at life all negative, "I'm tired, I feel sick today, this hurts, that hurts" it's all negative. It's wearing me down and now I can't even be sympathetic because after 4 years I've kinda had enough.
Am I really awful??? Xx

[tamborine]

Wean the babe to help you gather your own strength. Look for part-time work outside home, so you meet others & have your own money. You will feel happier with some independance.

If OH objects tell him you're doing your best to hold the family together. And, send him off for anger management sessions.

[Mick-Talbot]

Im 29, with 2 kids, married together 13 yrs.


Is it me who is missing something here ?

[ummmm]

Hi Craft ;-)

Mick?

//I'm 32 been with my husband 15 years, married 9 yrs with 3 children//

[NoMercy]

Clearly you are, Mick. The OP is 32, not 29.

[Brinjal]

Do you still love your husband? Do you still want to be with him. If you do then you need to try and get help for him and yourself and try and get through this. If you no longer love and respect him then move on. It's only a marriage after all not a life sentence. Life is for living not enduring. You and your children will adapt and you want be separated from them as others have said it is "me time"

[karenmac60]

I think Mick means this.....

http://www.theanswerb...g/Question858976.html

[joeluke]

Husband needs to pull himself together, take a long hard look at himself, man up, find work and provide for his family

Sounds to me like he doesn't actually want to go out to work

[pizza]

Hi sheri sorry to hear things are bad but you can't put it all right by yourself!
He's sick he's tired what about you !! I am not playing down his or anyones depression but he has to look at if the help or if the medication isn't working go back to the G.P not ignore things
Reading futher into the post and the answers and answers, realistically speaking if your hubby isn't willing to move on make an effort joint custody of the kids will be best all round.
He is playing on your emotions yet wrecking your family life you have nothing to feel guilty about and once the kids see you both apart from each other it will be more healthy all round.
You need to have a life again x

I wish you well x

[Bstard]

Anxiety and Depression, most like you have done it but he needs more than just telling him off he need proper help does he have any friends mates that you can talk to doctor maybe.. relatives maybe..

You sound at the end of it... All my talking with you will not solve this problem.. you need to get professional help for him and you sound like you need a bit of help go to your doctor ,,mind you might have already done this..

His he drinking...Smoking or being abusive towards you and the children if so that’s a different matter..Good Luck

[Connemmara]

Hi Sheri - my problems are very different to yours as I am so much older but have suffered from various degrees of depression throughout my life. I never believed in antidepressants but just this past 6 months I have been taking them and I have to say I have never felt so much better I really cannot believe it. I would not go out only when forced to - holiday or anything yet 2 weeks ago I went out to an event and I had a great time and will be doing the same thing on 22 December. Please seek help for yourself as you sound very depressed particularly you probably have post-natal depression as well. Your doctor will understand this and you can slip in re your husband. At the moment the two of you are not helping each other. Re your kids - one step at a time. Bless you. xxx x xxxx