Advice re Girl Abroad

[hippyhoppy]

As you may (or probably may not) know, my daughter has gone off to Australia for 9 months. I've been sending her e-mails on a daily basis, waffaling on about crap at work, her brother, going out with the girls., etc. Got a call from her dad tonight saying he spoke to her this morning and she really is struggling to fit in and is homesick... I'm wondering if me yabbering on about stuff that is 'safe and familiar' is making her homesick... maybe I should button it and ask Q's re her experience... (she is having trouble with Wi-Fi, so not in a position to post regualrly)... Oh the chore (and worry) of being a mother!!!

[dotty.]

there is probably going to be a point (that she hopefully has reached) where she feels so homesick and alone she's stressed by it, bt then she'll work her way past that point when she starts to realise she can't do anything else but make the best of things, and then she'll reach the point where she'll never want to leave. I go through all three over a 2 week holiday abroard, gawd knows how i'd go on for 9 months

[woofgang]

Well you know your daughter best but I would have thought that if she was going to be homesick (and that's just about a given IMO) then she will be homesick just about regardless of what you write. You might tell her about your first experience away from home unless it was either disastrous and you scurried home or totally amazing and you didn't feel a seconds's homesickness lol If either of those were the case then just lie.

[boxtops]

Hippy, I think you are right. She must be yearning for the things you are talking about. Why don't you swing your emails round to all the things that she's doing, not home stuff, so she starts to tell you about all the new experiences, instead of keeping her up to speed with home? I think i'd feel the same,

[ummmm]

Asking more about her probably won't change how she's feeling. Some people are cut out for travelling, some aren't.

My daughter has just got her second year visa. I thought I might see her this Christmas but it doesn't look likely now :-(

[jno]

why not start asking her things about where she is and what she's doing. Been to the beach yet, how are the sunsets, are you enjoying being able to get outdoors... it might help her focus on the upsides a bit more.

[magsmay]

I have lived abroad myself and having had children in various parts of the world at Uni or working. It is inevitable she will be homesick after the initial euphoria of getting there. Tell her she's missed dreadfully but make a point of stressing how much fun she must be having and ask her to tell you about what she's doing. From experience the strangest things have the habit of making you homesick -i remember getting quite tearful seeing a box of oxo gravy granules in a UK shop when I lived in North America so perhaps a little less emphasis on what she's missing and more on what she's experiencing. x

[jno]

well, beaten to it by boxtops there.

[EcclesCake]

I did listen to a radio programme recentlty where they were discussing teens going off to Uni and the dos and don'ts. Rule No1 did seem to be for parents and those 'at home' to not keep going on about what was going on and what the fledgling was missing out on as it just adds to the homesickness.

The advice was to focus on what they are doing and what they are doing to integrate themselves into a new environment.

[boxtops]

Great minds, jno... :-)

[hippyhoppy]

Thanks for all the advice.. I think me chunterring on about Lewis organising the X-mas do might have hit a nerve (ie her not being here for X-mas (mind you neither am I due to crappy work rota.. anyhoo I digress). I shall e-mail tonight with Q's for her and be vague re stuff at home... bless her cottons... Thanks again <3

[abstibus]

Hippy
This advice sheet was developed for students going overseas, and explains the stages of 'culture shock' very clearly. Have a read of it, and I think you might be able to see what stage she's experiencing. It is a well-known phenomenon.
http://www.ukcisa.org...ets/culture_shock.php