Can He Sue?

[RosieCornwall]

I hope someone here will be able to help me.

Basically, when my DS lived at home, he was terrible at managing his finances, due to what I know now to be his drug habit. When he was working, he paid his wages into my account and I paid everything for him, food, clothes, DVD's, his birthday party, driving licence, driving lessons, toiletries, travel fares, driving test (theory and 2 x practical tests) etc etc.

However, he now has many thousands of pounds worth of debt and is saying that I was only "looking after" his money and had agreed to pay it back! He wrote to me saying that if I don't pay him £8000 within 2 weeks, he will take me court and also tell my employer untruths about me so that I get the sack. Since I refused to have anything to do with him until he stops with the drug and alcohol abuse, he has made my life misery, going around telling people I stole his money from him and forced him to work and give me the money. Unfortunately, a lot of the money I gave him was in cash, except for things like groceries, clothes etc which I bought when out with him shopping.

How can I prove that I spent the money on him and can he really sue me for this money back? He says in this letter that this was always a verbal agreement between us, but it never was. I spent that money on him, he benefited from it all and I worked out that over the 22 months he was working, I paid out all the money on him bar £85.87p.

I have worked out the following figures:

£300 per month room and board
£50 per month mobile phone
£30 per month clothes
£180 - 2 x driving lessons per month for 4 months (cant remember exactly)
£31 - theory test
£124 - 2 x practical driving test
£1000 birthday party
£440 - total on DVD's,CD's books etc
£476.66 - tobacco in total over 22 months
£396.00 - years worth of travel fares
£15.00 - weekly "spends"

He paid this money in over 22 months which is why I have worked out costs over 22 months. However, as I said, I don't have proof of all this money as most was given as cash.

Does he have a leg to stand on? He has also got some one else to email my hubby at work saying if we don't pay up, we will have something to cry to the police about, but I'm sure that when we report to the police and they investigate they will say my son has no knowledge of this and it was simply someone else doing it off their own back.

I'm worried about my job too although I have spoken to my boss already.

Any advice much appreciated.

[RosieCornwall]

Thank you again for all your support.

I have contacted the police and am awaiting them coming round to take statements and I have printed off the emails.

The emails were also sent to my bosses (he copied them in), claiming I had made massive improprieties, as well as stealing son's money and threatening both myself and my hubby with physical, deadly harm.

Since the brake fluid on the cars incident, I have CCTV at home and luckily my hubby has it at his workplace, but I am worried about my young ones at school. Oh well, I will see what tomorrow brings - hopefully not the sack though!

I don't think in view of the threats however that I should contact him directly about this money as I know the Police will ask if I'm contacting him back, thus keeping the contact going. I'm not sure what you all think? Advise gratefully received.

[RosieCornwall]

Just also to say that with regard to the email junk filter, for some reason, my hubby's work email won't allow hotmail addresses to be junked but he's going to talk to the tech guys at work tomorrow to ask them to sort this out.

When a fake twitter account was made in hubby's name, slandering me and claiming I was sleeping around etc and calling his bosses bankers with a w, the tech guys took care of it really quickly as he did some @ thing which meant that all the company's clients got the tweet on the news feed thing (I'm not conversant with Twitter I'm afraid) and it was embarrassing for the company to say the least.

Just not sure how much more either of our employers will take tbh.

[RosieCornwall]

No, the emails (he sent 5, all saying exactly the same within minutes of each other) all arrived in hubby's work inbox (and the Directors of the company too). He tried to use his block email setting but it wouldn't allow him too block hotmail.com. He will talk to the tech guys first thing though, because at least if they go to junk folder then the others aren't all copied in (thank God).

[lcg]

hi....i too have had family troubles similar to yours in the past (with hubby's siblings and divorced parents (still fighting after 28 years - pathetic). do NOT panic - easier said than done, i know, but do keep copies of all cyber contact, get a diary and note down any face-to-face contact/threats, things your family are encountering and do your best to retrieve any financial details (if you bank online, you may well be able to print off all your statements during that period for free - i bank with rbs and this is fine). as stated, he is the one who has the burden of proof and when the coppers come to take your statement, make sure they are aware of the history of the case and also that you expect more harassment in the future and make sure you emphasise the physical, financial, emotional and personal toll this has on you.....and you expect it to continue, so want future and ongoing support and advice. also, make sure your other children's schools are aware ds poses to the kids and make it explicit that they are not to have contact with him, be picked up by him, or leave the premises unless you are there etc. etc. the diary will be extremely important to your case/defence. start it now and write the events in it, but also reflect and state how worried/scared/vulnerable you feel and any events factually with carefully considered wording. as for your employers, they cannot dismiss you for what your ds is doing. take your manager to one side and explain if you need to. make it clear that you enjoy and respect working for the company and would never do anything to slander/libel/discuss business outside of the workplace. then....get on with your life. you have to live it and consider your other kids and the routines we all follow. approach this problem in a focussed and organised way and ask the police to give you advice on that too. they are there to support you in your complaint and i would advise you to seek criminal charges against ds if necessary as i think he deserves it at this point. do keep coming back if you like to update and chat to us....we will all try our best to do so. i wish you luck and all the best. regards, lisa x

[lcg]

p.s. in answer to your 'can he sue?' question.....yes he can. he can take you to court (which will cost money he doesn't have - so probably won't happen. i don't think legal aid covers this type of thing anyway unless you have been acting criminally, and again he has burden of proof). i don't think he will get anywhere, so do smile sweetly at him and tell him to go ahead). do not reply to emails or comment anywhere where he will be able to print off/record (ANY phone call or conversation - he will likely be recording it). keep it polite, tell him how disappointed you are that he is doing this or that he is ruining your life or that you don't understand why he would think this way) anything that basically reinforces you do not know of his claims and are being damaged by them - ONLY that kind of thing. walk away if possible. tell him to leave you alone....particularly if you have the other kids with you or that you will contact the police to report his threatening, harassing or trying to blackmail you. keep your end clean and above reproach....but ultimately, try not to have anything to do with him, or say as little as possible - just report the contact and damage to the police and get them to charge him/deal with his behaviour.

[Nini74]

i haven't had time to read the other responses but i thought i'd put a couple of points on here which i hope will help:
1. i'm sorry you're having such problems as a result of your son's behaviour, it must be heartbreaking for you;
2. show the letter to your employer so that he knows that if your son contacts him about you, it won't be true;
3. your son was living at home at the time - doesn't appear to have any leg to stand on so far as i'm aware. if he took you to court, he'd be unlikely to succeed - especially when you can show the outgoings and prove that you kept him for that 22 months;
4. no solicitor will take on his case so it would be a small claims matter which he would have to deal with - including paying an issue fee etc
5. putting "without prejudice" on a letter of this nature makes no difference at all - this is a case of a little legal knowledge being completely wrong. without prejudice is used in offers of settlement between parties of which the judge is not to be advised/referred to until the conclusion of a claim. it has no relevance or effect in a letter of this nature - a threat is still a threat and cannot be treated as privileged or without prejudice correspondence.
6. take the letter and e-mail to the police - don't delay. but keep copies in case your son does sue.
7. good luck
xxxxxx

[cassa333]

I have no legal information but wanted to put a question out to you to see if it could help in some way.

Do you think he owes money to some 'unsavoury' people and they are putting pressure on him and helping him put pressure on you?

If you can go to the police with threats that have come via known baddun's then they might be abvle to act a bit more!!?

Have you had a free consultation with the citenzens advice people or a 1 hr solicitor? Perhaps a strongly worded letter from a solicitor will prempt his threat of sueing you?

[cassa333]

PS ...

I think you have more to worry about from his "firends" than being sued especialy if he is still on drugs etc.

[RosieCornwall]

The Police have been around tonight and taken statements and also copies of the emails etc. They are going to arrest them and caution them under the Harassment Act, so hopefully it will all stop. Tbh, I think I am being optimistic but at least I might be able to sleep better at nights. Whats worse is that my son has given the other man involved my work phone number although the tech guy has blocked his mobile number from calling in. He has also given him my home number but that's being changed at some point over the next 24 hours. For now I have unplugged it, but the other man had sent two texts to the home number which the police officer heard.

Thank you for the support and I will keep you all posted x

[Mamyalynne]

Horrible situation and hope you soon get some peace and resolution from it.

[cupotee]

It never fails to amaze me the lengths these sod^ing drugged up people will go to to further the evil habit.

My best wished to you and your family x

[RosieCornwall]

I just thought I would update you all.

The Police came and the WPC who came round on Wednesday was really nice, very helpful, took a statement from my husband but said that time constraints (apparently because it's classed as Domestic Violence it involves lots of paperwork per person) meant that she would only be able to do his statement and get the ball rolling as it took hours just to do his statement and get background etc. She said that she would send another officer round on Thursday to take my statement. The officer turned up on Thursday and from the start his whole attitude radiated the fact that he really couldn't be bothered and felt it was a waste of his time. He asked me some brief questions then said he was going to go back to the station and review the emails and would call me. He didn't take any statements but called two hours later and said there was no evidence to proceed.

I was so furious that I called and logged a complaint. I was told that the duty inspector would call me within 24 hours. This was 22.47 last night and I'm still waiting.

I am very unhappy about this and have also spoken to my local councillor who said that there's nothing he can do. I pointed out that he should be asking questions of those concerned to find out why I don't have protection under the law. the protection that I am entitled to have, that I pay my taxes for. I have also emailed a long email outlining the issues to my local Police Commissioner as on his website he says that he's committed to combating harassment and stalking.

I am awaiting hearing from him but I am prepared to email him every day if necessary. I just don't know what else to do and am reaching the end of my tether.