Should I brainwash her? If so, how?

[ezapf]

Honest question here - How in the world can I convince a shopaholic pack-rat with a clothes fetish (my wife) to part with things that she obviously does not need as they have been piled up untouched for months? Many things are new with tags that we could sell on an online auction site (not to mention eBay by name). She seems to think that she could not live without the stuff but we really need to clear out the clutter. Help.

[Celtigra3]

Tell her to sell them on ebay and that way she can make some money to buy more!!!

[Scarlett]

Maybe you could reach a compromise. Why should she get rid of her stuff? She needs some kind of incentive. What could you do in return? what could you get rid of? Could you use the money for something amazing like this husband and wife team have done:

http://www.dynamicduo.co.uk/

Life is too short to have things that you don't use.

[woofgang]

http://www.flylady.net

but the lightbulb has to want to change!!

[woofgang]

seriously, it sounds as though your wife might have a rather more serious problem than being a pack rat. Often this behaviour is used a compensation for something else. (personal experience) Maybe something for you and her to think about and discuss?

[boobesque]

Woof is right, when my mum suffered from severe depression she went mad on shopping, we all had so many clothes we couldnt wear them all and many things we sold at boot fairs with labels still in them. Sit down and talk to your wife and try to get some answers. Good luck.

[nickyandchri]

Sounds like a bit of a security blanket thing - try NLP or EFT (a meridian energy therapy). both can make you feel good about yourself and see the positive without having to resort to feel-good habits like shopping. Good luck.

[joko]

contact charities like oxfam etc and ask them where you can get information such as videos, leaflets, etc about famine, homelessness, orphanages etc and show them to her - this may stimulate in her how useless lots of possessions are and how much she could help them if she sold some her stuff and donated it to them. she could even purchase items useful to these children etc and see where the stuff goes first hand - many people don't bother because all they see is the cash leaving their hands or bank accounts - not the good it actually does.

if she is after a feelgood fix, what deeper, more potent fix can there be than saving lives or the smile a 50p toy gives a deprived child?

perhaps also sponser various children and animals in her name - the photos and letters she will receive from them will tug at her heart strings and she will want to give something to them rather than have that extra handbag.

obviously you don't want to end up giving all your money to charity, but doing it in the short term it could have lasting effects, then you can lessen it to an affordable amount

[sunnyside]

Hey, I'd think that you were my husband if I didn't already know he is computer illiterate.

I have the same problem too. I don't know how to fix it. I love having new stuff. Sometimes I buy clothes because I am unhappy with my weight, other times I buy them because I lost weight. I have them shipped to me and I am excited to check the mail.

I understand that I have a problem and have been doing the - buy something then give something away to make room for it...but I still shop way too much.

One thing I will tell you, a harping nagging gripping husband just makes me hide things...I think that is worse-for both of us.

The www.flylady.net has helped me with organizing clutter but I still have the shopping problem. I bought all their books and their cleaning supplies.

[Famous5]

I suggested to my wife that every time she buys a new item of clothing she has to throw one out or send it to a charity shop. When she told me she needed new because she had lost weight and dropped 2 sizes, I said it was all the more reason to get rid as she has no intention of getting bigger again. Result - major clear out.

Another thing is shoes - when I commented on the number of pairs she has, she told me she alwys marked the box with the date she bought them, and she had had many for a long time. I told her that I also marked the box, this time with the date when she wore the shoes - many have only one date!!

H & S warning - be careful if you try either of these lines. Make sure she is in a good mood first!

[ezapf]

Hmm, well she is battling severe depression but I never made the connection because:
a. She has always been a shopper, and
b. I am not very smart.

Perhaps the depression goes back to a time much earlier than what we thought.

Famous5, I have tried getting her to throw out, donate, or sell 2 items for every one she buys.
Her response: �OK, that�s a good idea.�
The result: nothing. :-\

Thanks for your insightful answers, all. We have a lot of work to do.

[woofgang]

Bless you ezapf, I think that you are smarter than you think.