age limit

[sandrajo]

I would like to know your thoughts on the age limit of drinking, my sister-in-law let my neice who is 16 drink last night at a social event in our town hall, she was quite hung over this morning, i did'nt agree as she is too young, and it was only in the summer that her mum grounded her for being drunk in the street with her friends, do you think i am being unreasonable.

[dannydingbat]

You do not say whether she allowed the girl to buy her own alcohol or it was bought for her. There may be serious offences involved by a number of people (see Licensing Act Section 145 onwards at:-

www.opsi.gov.uk/acts/acts2003/30017--h.htm#145

It seems that this was her parent who was being irresponsible but, regrettably, there is nothing to stop a parent giving any child alcohol in their own home at any time at any age.

Certainly not conducive to setting the right example

[H.Wilkinson]

Did you have a drink at 16? I know I did....I hope I don't sound too harsh!! I have two teenage stepchildren and my husband and I have allowed them to have a drink with us at special occasions (they are 16 and 18) since they were about 15. We have never had a problem with either of them getting really drunk but maybe we have been lucky. I hope I don't sound irresponsible but at 16 I actually think that having a drink on new years eve is probably quite normal for most well rounded 16 year olds....getting blind drunk and stumbling around a nightclub is a totally different matter but at a social event with parents present I personally would think this was okay. My step children have always been very sensible with drink. I think a lot of the problem these days is due to the fact that alcopops are so lovely to drink whereas when I was 16 (I am 33) half a cider and black was as much as I could stomach!! I hope I haven't offended you. I think this is a tough call. Have you teenage children of your own?

[sandrajo]

Yes i have a 15 year old daughter, i agree that in your own home it is ok if some parents feel their children can have a alcoholic beverage, but at a new years party where there was about 300 people, and my neice sitting in front of me and my daughter with a hangover and listening to them all from last night putting the bits together, trying to work out if they enjoyed them selves or not, i do not agree with, i call that bad parenting. And no i wasn't allowed a drink till i was 18, and i respected my parents wishes, you can enjoy yourself when younger without alcohol, i sure have made up for it since though, lol.

[dannydingbat]

To make clear my earlier comments, I had a drink at 14 and my kids were given alcohol by me from 12. They are both now responsible citizens. My use of the word "iresponsible" was related to the fact that someone gave them enough that they had a hangover and, apparently, they could have been unaware of what they did on that particular evening. To get teenagers into the view that this is normal or even enjoyable is, in my opinion, wrong and irresponsible.

[peeriesooky]

There are age limits for a reason. Anyone who gives a CHILD alchol has no right to consider themselves as good parents. Your children may well grow into well respected adults but just as easily they may not. Why can you not let your CHILDREN be CHILDREN. I am 25 and have 3 children and care enough to ensure they are to the best of my abilities following the guidelines set out, although im guessing that if you are silly enough to let them underage drink then you most likely allow them to smoke too. Do you not care for you childrens health. I am sure that the local authorities would share my thoughts so if you are really intrested in public opinion why not just go and ask your health professionals their opinion and see how long it is before you end up with a social work enquiry.

[H.Wilkinson]

Do you regard a 6ft 2" 16 year old working man as a CHILD? My husband and I are responsible parents and yes, age limits are there for a reason but from 14 a CHILD can have a drink in a restaurant with a meal and as pointed out earlier a parents can legally give their child a drink at home. I am proud of how my step children are growing up, when your children are teenagers you may think differently. We have always allowed them to have a drink with us and have thankfully not found them them dowing bottles of cider in back alleys....I don't think it is fair to make comments about people not being "good" parents or questioning their approach to their childrens health.

[peeriesooky]

At the end of the day it is still up to the individual parent. That i will accept as it is my view but i really cant see why taking this action makes you feel it will stop them drinking with friends. A 16 yr old may be out working but he is still under the age limit set out regardless of where he is. It is all very well pointing out the legalities of drinking with parents but at the end of the day if the age limits deems an 18 yr old capable of being suitable of handling drink with out supervision the why would you allow CHILDREN under this age to drink when it is not good for health. At the end of the day they are your children and it is only an opinion i am voicing and i do not wish for people to take it personally as it is my opinion.

[dannydingbat]

Thanks for your opinion. I am perfectly aware of the health and legal requirements - as I am a local authority lawyer! The opinion I have is that I would rather my kids had a drink under my supervision rather than experimenting with their mates unknown to me, it being a mystery to them. Actually the law does not allow the consumption of alcohol by 14 year olds in a restaurants any more, its 16 and above. and then only limited to just beer wine and cider. French kids drink from an early age at home so it is no great mystery to them and they do not go wild when they reach 18. Sounds sensible to me.

[sandrajo]

Anyway you could go on and on, thanks for the input, i am a great believer of "i blame the parents", we bring our kids into the world and we raise them, it is up to us for them to have a good upbringing. My daughter has given me a few worries and i blame me and my husband for it, not peer pressure or anything, just us, for her thinking she could pull one over on us, that is upsetting. There is 5 of us in our family and we respected our parents, never brought trouble to their door, wouldn't dare and my parents were not strict or anything we just knew we were not allowed, end of.

[ursula62]

It doesn't just depend on the parents attitude. My parents were strict teetotallers and never had any alcohol in the house. My sister and I went in completely different directions. She went a bit haywire as a teenager and used to drink several pints of snakebite a night but now doesn't drink at all apart from Christmas. As a teenager I never touched alcohol and have never had a hangover. I don't drink much now and I don't miss it - my attitude is I can take it or leave it.

My sister believed that her children should have a healthier attitude to booze than we did and has brought her children up so that alcohol isn't a forbidden fruit like it was for us. My nephew and niece have been aware of alcohol from quite a young age having been allowed to try various types at Christmas and new year parties (just a sip here and there to taste). Both of them have a very healthy attitude to alcohol and don't feel the need to get "bladdered" just to have a good time.

In answer to your question - no you're not being unreasonable if this was your own child, but it is your sister's responsibility to watch her daughter's alcohol intake. However, if you make your disapproval known to your sister, you may risk alienating her. I'd keep my own counsel on this one in the interests of maintaining the family relationship.

[sandrajo]

Im just wondering if my sister-in-law would have the same attitude about drugs.

[peeriesooky]

the worrying thing i know people who think it is ok to let their kids drink with them and take drugs because they feel it will stop their kids doing it behind their backs hense my strong opinions on this matter. it is a misguided view which in my opinion show idealism and not common sense. In reality most of these parents have found out that it does not work as the kids do it anyway but think their parents are cool cos they allow it.