Anxiety

[wilsarnie]

We've been having some problems with our neighbours (noise, music, disturbances in middle of the night etc) and it's really affecting my partner.

It's getting to the point where he is so anxious he really doesn't want to come home in the evening, and he makes sure that he goes out on weekends as that's when they're really bad. Then on the flip side he gets very aggressive and says 'why should he be forced out of his own home' (which I agree with) but then says he's ready to punch one of them (really not like him at all)

When they're not in he's so anxious waiting for them to come back. He snaps at everybody, can't sit still and reacts to every noise. I really feel for him as he can't control this anxiety and it's really wearing him (and me) down!

Is there anything that can help? Herbal remedies? Kalms? Coping strategies? Any help or ideas are so much appreciated.

[andy-hughes]

You need a two-pronged response here.

First, you need to address the issue of your neighbours. Have you tried having a polite word with them? They may be unaware of the problem they are causing, and may be happy to put it right without further issue. If you;ve tried that and failed, or try and it fails, you can approach your local Council - the switchboard will put you through to the Noise Nuisance Department - every Council has one, and ask their advice. They will confirm your rights, and may be able to commence legal action to get the noise stopped. It is a long process, as most legal processes tend to be - but in the end it is effective as sanctions are applied and enforced.

Meanwhile, you need to get your partner to your GP for a chat. Explain the situation, and he may be prescribed a short-term course of anti-depressants or tranquilisers, which will help him over this difficult time. Don't worry about 'addicition' - modern anti-depressant medication is very sophisticated, and can be tailored to the patient's individual needs. He needs some help to get over this awkward time, before he gets any worse.

Those two courses of action will improve things, because you will know that something is being done - the feeling of helplessness and impotent fury simply makes things worse - and action removes both of those feelings.

You will get through this - good luck, and start today!

[gary baldy]

I think instead of trying to 'cure' your partner you should get to the root of the problem - your effing neighbours!
Get on to your council and get em ASBOed!
I'm being serious - do it!

[wilsarnie]

Should have explained about the neighbours...they've been served a 2 month eviction notice which was then superceeded by a 2 week notice which expired 11th Dec. They're still there, obviously.

The landlady has applied to the courts to re-gain possession so the we expecting the hearing date any day now. They owe her �2500 which is the reason for the eviction.

I think this 'not knowing' how long they could possibly be in there for is making it worse for him, as there's no end or no light at the end of the tunnel, as they say.

To be honest, I'm not sure how I'll convince him to go to the Doc's but I'll certainly try...

[Drusilla]

As they are being evicted anyway, (hopefully) it might be unwise to ask them politely to make less noise, because it may lead to you becoming the focus of all their anger over their last few weeks in residence and that might make your partners situation worse.
I would agree your partner may benefit from medical intervention and a course of medication may well tide him over in the short term before their eventual eviction. Camomile tea is also helpful for easing the nerves, rather than the regular caffeine boost of tea or coffee.
When I was divorced and moved into a semi detached place with my daughters, my ex husband very kindly replaced all the plaster boards in my new property with a more sound proof plaster board, which may benefit you in the long term if your neighbour intends to rent out the property in the future.
It's more expensive, thicker and much heavier than ordinary plasterboard and its blue. (Sorry, I'm not up on the technical terms in house renovations.) I've found it very useful. Hope this helps a little.

[WendyS]

I hope your neighbours will soon be evicted and that your problems will be over. But if the noise and anti social behaviour is still continuing in the meantime I would definitely contact your local council and ask for the officials who deal with noise abatement to visit them. I would also contact your local police station, explain the situation that an eviction order has been served and ask the police to pay them a visit. If they continue in this vein they can be served with an ASBO (Anti Social Behaviour Order).

I would also contact the landlord of this property and ask for their assurance that they will properly check the references of all future tenants.

[Honey pot]

Anti depressants are NOT tailored for individual needs, they can be very addictive and they are not an answer to your problem

If you have spoken to your neighbours and they are unwilling to solve the problem then contact your council and report the disturbances, make note of what the noise is and time and date it, as this will help your case. I have been in a simular situation and i got my neighbours evicted!! I dont know what area you live in but you can contact a group called Alert or seek help from your Citizen advice Bureau. Your partner should seek advice from his GP who can also write a letter on your behalf with regards to your problems and how it effects your boyfriends health. You should get the number of your council who deal with noise and you can call them out when noise occurs.

Good Luck

[wilsarnie]

Thanks to all who gave suggestions above.

As an update, I went home today to find the neighbours packing up a van with their belongings and leaving!

This will certainly take away the main part of my partners anxiety. I'm hoping that no other neighbours we have will ever be as bad.

Famous last words eh?

wilsarnie

[Honey pot]

"lol" maybe someone did complain?