love

[cliffsdoll]

thinking about the tragic events of the two towers, i think we as humans with feelings and emotions, dont always tell our husbands/wifes/kids that we love them, perhaps we should tell them every day, cos we dont know whats going to happen from day to day, i know i dont tell my loved one as much as i should, why do we wait untill its too late? any body like to comment?

[OBonio]

If you say it everyday, there is a risk of desensitising yourself to its real meaning. It may just become habit as you think your loved will expect to hear it everyday. I think saving it for special occasions, when you really want to emphasize that you do love them is the best way. All other times, they probably know you love them anyway and if not, why not?

[Scarlett]

Us British are not good at expressing our emotions, and therefore it may be a huge burden to feel you have to tell your loved ones that you love them at every turn. In contrast, I have noticed that Americans are much better at this, and they say it sometimes as if it's part of the conversation. "Goodbye, I love you" etc.I agree that we don't say it enough, but I think we have to make do with "just knowing" that someone loves us. My Mum for example, has NEVER said it to me, and hence I have never said it to her. She has however, regularly Instant Messaged my sister in Scotland, and written "I love you" at the end. So, to me, in order to not get upset by this, I tend to look at the THINGS we do rather than the words we say, to demonstrate our love. I had a boyfriend who said "I love you" EVERY time he phoned me (every day) and so I had to say "I love you too" back- I did't though. And he was a git to me!! so...

[jjaammeess]

I think that British people and are more genuine and they're not sure of what being in love means.so they are a bit hesitant about saying 'I love you'.But I agree with OBonio that we are better to say it in moments of of inspiration.and I think this is more genuine.Doctor Bruce Fisher in his book' When your Relationship Ends' talks about warm fuzzies. A warm fuzzy is a nice gesture with a fish hook in it and when most people say 'I love you' what they are really saying 'please love me' so the other person to whom you are saying 'I love you' swallows your warm fuzzy and you have hooked them. The point is that people saying 'I love you' really are being selfish therefore I think most genuine British people feel uncomfortable saying 'I love you' because they realize that they themselves are just being selfish. Very few people, Fisher says, really know what love is and therefore marriages break up and then in divorce.So my point is get your bucket full and learn to love yourself and then you will be able to genuinely love the other person and superficial statements like 'I love you' will maybe have a more genuine meaning .

[~Wingnut~]

Hi all :o)

I tell my husband and 2 daughters everyday "I love you" and vice versa. My husband rings me at 3pm everyday when it is his afternoon break just to tell me he loves me and to see how my day has been, he does it because he wants to not because I think he thinks I am expecting him to. However this could all be because we hadn't even been married a year when he was taken seriously ill with renal failure and I more or less saw him deterioate before my eyes, the next 3 yrs were pure hell for both of us as he was ok one minute then poorly for days the next, he was in and out of hospital all the time, I think this happening really brought us together and because we saw things can change in an instant this is why we say I love you everyday & to our children too. I say it because I mean it and neither of use get embarressed telling each other in front of other people. I don't think you need to tell someone everyday that you love for them to know this, it's just I love my husband and kids and want to tell them everyday.

I'm a soppy sod yer know ;o) lol

[maggie01]

I often think about similar things if we have had words and one of us leaves the house withouth speaking. Unfortunately I am too pig headed to back down, so I hope to god it never happens to me. Perhaps I could make that my new years resolution because as you say you just never know.

[enigma]

Hi Cliffsdoll. My mum always says ' never to go to bed on an argument and I try to live by that because sadly , I know know the true meaning of that. It still pains me to think back on the last conversation I had with my gran nearly eleven years ago where we had had a falling out and the last thing I said to her was ' I hate you and I will never speak to you again'. I didn't because she died three days later. I had the opportunity to pick up the phone or better still , pop in to visit her to aplogise for being so nasty and downright disrespectful but I was 19 and as stubborn as a mule , so I didn't. If I could turn back time , I would of course do it all differently but I can't , so I have to live with that. It blew apart my family because my aunts and uncles blamed me (quite rightly) for putting stress on her and they told me that she died of a broken heart because I was her favourite. (My aunts and uncles still to this day do not speak to me or any of my family)My gran was a nippy old sweety too though and we always knew that someone would be left in my position. I guess I just didn't figure that it would be me. Now I always resolve any tension or bad blood if i've had a falling out with someone before I walk away from them. I guess the point i'm trying to make - apologies for taking so long to get to it - is that I personally feel that you don't have to tell someone every day that you love them for them to know it. Sometimes you don't even have to be told by someone that they love you , you just instinctively know but the worst thing of all to do is to leave things on a sour note with someone you love dearly and never get the chance to say you are sorry , as I learned to my cost.

[cliffsdoll]

hi enigma, what a sad story, personally i think you're family are wrong to blame you, you had nothing to do with your grans death, believe that, i dont know how old your gran was but the fact is when were old i bodies wear out and we die, its as simple as that. perhaps she was ill anyway, perhaps she did.nt tell you so you would'nt worry. i can tell you no one has ever died of a broken heart, a weak poorly heart yes but as much as pain and greif we feel IT DOES NOT KILL US. your gran knew you loved her yes and nothing can change that. forgive yourself for hurting her, get on with your life, but forget any blame , there is non. i hope your family learn to understand that no one is to blame, they should apoligize to you and welcome you back into the family, if not they lose out, life is too short to keep up this situation, cant they see, as you had a fall out with gran, and time ran out for you both, the same could happen between you all, please try to make up with them, if they wont then i feel so sorry for them. good luck to you, make a happy life for yourself.

[enigma]

Hi Cliffsdoll. Thank you for that.It's just coming up to the anniversary of my gran's death and I always reflect on that fateful day and dearly wish I could turn back time. I loved her so much and I comfort myself with the knowledge that she did most probably know how much I loved her. I am happy in my life for the most part as I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a wonderful hubby and three gorgeous children and for that I feel so blessed. I just wish that I could let go all the pain I feel about my gran and move on completely but i'm just not there yet. I've given up on my aunts and uncles because I have tried on numerous occasions to put things right but they just don't want to know. I thought that even the birth of my children would hit a soft spot with them but alas no , so I have accepted that and moved on. It IS their loss as far as I am concerned because they have missed out on so much without knowing my children. I used to believe that it was unfair on my children to have this whole side of a family whom they don't even know but now I believe that it's far better to surround them with family who adore them , than nasty people who are consumed with hatred. Here's to a good year for us all eh Cliffsdoll ?

[enigma]

Oh forgot to say , my gran was 75 when she died and in poor health. I tried to warn her for years about her 60 a day smoking habit but even the constant use of her nebuliser , poor circulation and occasional trips to the hospital due to breathing related problems was not enough to deter her. I guess it's just easier to have someone else to blame though. I must accept that this is part of my family's grieving process. They all argued with her at some point or another because she wasn't one for holding back and told it like it was to people. Her straight talking wasn't always appreciated but as I said earlier , I just didn't think that I would be the one left with all the guilt because I rarely had a cross word with her.

[cliffsdoll]

enigma, glad i could help, even in a small way, happy new year.:o)

[enigma]

And you Cliffsdoll x