It’s Christmas Eve! What Are We...
ChatterBank2 mins ago
It Finally Happened.
17 Answers
After months of asking me to take her out I polished my best tractor and headed off to Bournemouth to pick old ttfn up and spend a night on the town. Unfortunately on the way down, the front nearside wheel fell off near Ringwood. Being a wise old critter, I thought I would pick the wheel up on my way home and when I get to ttfn's house I would explain my predicament to her and my solution to the problem. Well she agreed to stand above the offside rear wheel to balance things up, which was fine but a bit hairy when taking a right hand bend, but being a wise old bird herself she soon realized that the more she leant out over the wheel the faster I could go around the bends and soon we were going at a fair old lick I can tell ya as the picture from the speed camera will prove as we thundered along the Bournemouth bye pass heading for Poole. I am sure this will bring back happy memories for ttfn and I bet she can't wait to show big sis the picture. http://i55.tinypic.com/2lic412.gif
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Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!
I've grown a tractor to her arse.
She almost makes the day begin.
I've grown accustomed to the tune that
She whistles night and moon. :)
Her smiles, her frowns,
Her ups, her downs (steady!)
Are second nature to me now;
Like gasping out and gasping in. (he is older than he pretends)
I was serenely independent and content before we met; (true)
Surely I could always be that way again-
And yet
I've grown accustomed to her look;
Accustomed to her posts;
Accustomed to her wit. (well ½ of it!)
[Spoken]
"Marry Freddy." What an infantile idea. What a heartless,
wicked, brainless thing to do. But she'll regret, she'll
regret it. It's doomed before they even take the vow!
[Sung]
I can see her now, Mrs. Freddy Farquharson-Smythe
In a split level combo on Sandbanks.
I can see her now, with milions in the till,
And a t.v. crew beating at the door.
She'll try to teach the things I taught her, (as if!)
And end up owning Interflora instead.
Bathing in her beloved Courvoisier, ☺
While her husband has his breakfast in bed.
In a year, or so, when she's prematurely grey, (I ♥ Moony - prematurely!)
And the blossom in her cheek has turned to chalk. (all 4 ?)
She'll come home, and lo, he'll have upped and run away
With a social-climbing heiress from New York.
Poor ttfn. How simply frightful!
How humiliating! How delightful!
How poignant it'll be on that inevitable night (?)
When she hammers on my door in tears and rags. (??)
Miserable and lonely, repentant and contrite. (contrite ? - thudddd)
Will I take her in or hurl her to the walls? (you & who else ?)
Give her kindness or the treatment she deserves? (go on, big boy ☺)
Will I take her back or throw the baggage out? (take me, take me, lol)
But I'm a most forgiving man; (St Moony!)
The sort who never could, ever would, (bet yer have)
Take a position and staunchly never budge. (aka falling down drunk)
A most forgiving man. (yeah, yeah, yeah)
But, I shall never take her back, (I am a great cook...)
If she were even crawling on her knees. (I DON'T do knees)
Let her promise to atone; (hell is freezing over ...)
Let her shiver, let her moan; (keep it clean, please)
I'll slam the door and let the hell-cat freeze! (got me thermals on)
... and ttfn will remove his other 3 wheels, provided she can ratchet off his nuts - very, v e r y , v e r y slowly :))))) ♥ ♥ ♥
Casting ... ttfn
Mr Moony's Makeup ... Polycell
ttfn's Hair Stylist ... We Groom Your Dog At Home
Mr Moony's Wardobe ... MFI
ttfn's Wardrobe ... age.uk
Best Grip ... ttfn's ratchet hand ;)
Musical Director ... Mamyalynne ♥
Medical Nurse ... sibton
Meds provided free by Courvoisier (I bloody wish)
Script Editor ... Dear Mrs Moony
Director ... Weekend Ed
Executive Director ... The ED
~~~~~ T H E (ABSOLUTE) E N D ~~~~~
I've grown a tractor to her arse.
She almost makes the day begin.
I've grown accustomed to the tune that
She whistles night and moon. :)
Her smiles, her frowns,
Her ups, her downs (steady!)
Are second nature to me now;
Like gasping out and gasping in. (he is older than he pretends)
I was serenely independent and content before we met; (true)
Surely I could always be that way again-
And yet
I've grown accustomed to her look;
Accustomed to her posts;
Accustomed to her wit. (well ½ of it!)
[Spoken]
"Marry Freddy." What an infantile idea. What a heartless,
wicked, brainless thing to do. But she'll regret, she'll
regret it. It's doomed before they even take the vow!
[Sung]
I can see her now, Mrs. Freddy Farquharson-Smythe
In a split level combo on Sandbanks.
I can see her now, with milions in the till,
And a t.v. crew beating at the door.
She'll try to teach the things I taught her, (as if!)
And end up owning Interflora instead.
Bathing in her beloved Courvoisier, ☺
While her husband has his breakfast in bed.
In a year, or so, when she's prematurely grey, (I ♥ Moony - prematurely!)
And the blossom in her cheek has turned to chalk. (all 4 ?)
She'll come home, and lo, he'll have upped and run away
With a social-climbing heiress from New York.
Poor ttfn. How simply frightful!
How humiliating! How delightful!
How poignant it'll be on that inevitable night (?)
When she hammers on my door in tears and rags. (??)
Miserable and lonely, repentant and contrite. (contrite ? - thudddd)
Will I take her in or hurl her to the walls? (you & who else ?)
Give her kindness or the treatment she deserves? (go on, big boy ☺)
Will I take her back or throw the baggage out? (take me, take me, lol)
But I'm a most forgiving man; (St Moony!)
The sort who never could, ever would, (bet yer have)
Take a position and staunchly never budge. (aka falling down drunk)
A most forgiving man. (yeah, yeah, yeah)
But, I shall never take her back, (I am a great cook...)
If she were even crawling on her knees. (I DON'T do knees)
Let her promise to atone; (hell is freezing over ...)
Let her shiver, let her moan; (keep it clean, please)
I'll slam the door and let the hell-cat freeze! (got me thermals on)
... and ttfn will remove his other 3 wheels, provided she can ratchet off his nuts - very, v e r y , v e r y slowly :))))) ♥ ♥ ♥
Casting ... ttfn
Mr Moony's Makeup ... Polycell
ttfn's Hair Stylist ... We Groom Your Dog At Home
Mr Moony's Wardobe ... MFI
ttfn's Wardrobe ... age.uk
Best Grip ... ttfn's ratchet hand ;)
Musical Director ... Mamyalynne ♥
Medical Nurse ... sibton
Meds provided free by Courvoisier (I bloody wish)
Script Editor ... Dear Mrs Moony
Director ... Weekend Ed
Executive Director ... The ED
~~~~~ T H E (ABSOLUTE) E N D ~~~~~
GULP, kin ell tt, What the f f f f (stammers) flippin' eck av you bin sniffin? are you writing a novel? if so the first chapter needs some work doin' to it old gal. Unless of course you still have my rear tractor spring stuck up yer arris and keep bouncing every time you hit the key's. 10/10 for effort tho'.
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