What Help Is There?

[Misky]

My friend's dad has been diagnosed with terminal cancer; it's in his bones and they don't yet know how bad he'll be or how long he might have left (hopefully not too bad, and he'll be here for a long time, obviously!). However, he looks after his wife, my friend's mam, on a day to day basis - she is blind, wheelchair-bound and has lung failure and is on oxygen. My friend cannot do as much as she would like, as she has two autistic children who need their routines. Her husband works. I've suggested MacMillan to her as they helped with my sister-in-law's needs. Will they help her contact Social Services, or should she do that herself do you think? It's all a bit in the air at the minute, as the diagnosis was yesterday but I don't want her to miss out on any help she can get....

[mrs_overall]

Misky, I would disagree with that being true in all cases.
I have a 93 year old aunt who lives alone. She has had a slow growing bladder cancer for years. Two days ago, after several falls she was taken into hospital. They found the cancer has spread to her spine and now her brain, hence the falls. I have had a phone call to say they are sending her home today. When I pointed out that I live 100 miles from her and she has no one to provide immediate care, their answer was "we need the bed."

[Sqad]

ummmm/Lazygun

\\\\We moan about the benefits system but when someone is really ill they are worth their weight in gold. \\\

I don't think that is fair comment.........when someone is "really ill" there are no complaint at all, the complaints arrive when one sees the Benefit's System being abused.

[Misky]

Good grief Mrs. Overall!! I'm sorry I only spoke from my own experience - the six people around me who've been diagnosed have had excellent treatment. I'm so sorry.

[ummmm]

I know that Sqad. Just pointing out the positives of the benefits system.

[mrs_overall]

Misky, these things happen. The family are now frantically trying to rally around and sort something out.

[naomi24]

//We moan about the benefits system //

I don't moan about it - I moan about the stupidity of a system that allows such appalling abuse - and about the many who take advantage of that. However, the case in question is precisely what it should be for, and I hope these people get all the help that's available to them.

[naomi24]

Mrs O, isn't the hospital setting up a care system for her? They can't just send her home with nothing in place surely?

[ummmm]

Agreed Naomi.

[ummmm]

Naomi - they do send them home. My gramps was sent home on several occasions, just to be picked up again.

Social services insisted he went into a home.

[mrs_overall]

naomi, I have been on the phone to my bone idle, lazy cousin (her daughter) and told her to get her finger out and sort it. My aunt doesn't get any help at all and the hospital have not set up any sort of care package.
My aunt is a stubborn old thing and will have convinced the hospital she doesn't need any help. She can be very convincing.

[naomi24]

Ummmm, I know they send them home - but not without anyone being aware that they are home - as in your gramps case, social services were aware. From what Mrs O has said it sounds like a 93 year old lady with cancer is just going to be shipped off home to fend for herself completely.

[naomi24]

Mrs O, I know what you mean about independent old ladies! Your cousin definitely needs to get her finger out!!

[mrs_overall]

Misky - apologies if I have lead your post off track

[ummmm]

Like Mrs O, he refused help, he clearly needed help. We have a very supportive family and he was visited daily but they still sent him home in the evening when we were busy with our own families.

[Misky]

No problem Mrs. Overall - I had already received excellent advice! I hope your problem is sorted soon and wish I could offer advice in return... X