new to the dating game - advice on dating....

[Hgrove]

I am planning to meet up with someone I have "met" through a dating website... I am new to the dating game and extremey nervous about safety... I am a 44 yr old woman but not a lot of experience, recently separated after a long unhappy marriage.... now the plan is to arrange to meet in a Starbucks or similar in the middle of the day... for safety... has anybody got any advice please, the only thing I can think of is not to let him handle my drink (cappuccino)... Thank you very much

[sara3]

I've (sadly!) done this loads of times and it can be a bit scary!

always meet in a public place. let someone reliable know where you're going, and give them as much info as you can about who he is (real name, email addy, anything), agree to check in with said friend by text/call at a certain time and don't forget! then let them know when you're on your way home.

chances are, he'll be just as scared of you! there are as many nutters in the real world as there are online, and I always assumed that as I used dating sites, and I'm "normal" there must be "normal" men on there too.

I've just met someone recently, and he is a nice guy.

I wish you luck. let me know how it goes?

Sara :o)

[redcrx]

oooh i can remember such nerves from when i used some dating sites.

One things that i got used to doing was as well as the usual, meet in public place, seperate cars, friends where you are and who with. was a text thing.

I would get a friend to text me to check i was OK, if i wasnt they could phone and say my flat was flooded or something lol. BUT just to ensure they knew it was me replying to texts they would ask a question that only I would know the answer too. If i didnt reply correctly they reckoned theyd come and get me, it never came to that though.

Almost did one night though when a friend asked me to text him what colour his motorbike was. I couldnt remember. Luckily he'd gone on about it so much i knew the make and model.

Good luck, dont let the nerves ruin your date but better safe than sorry

[leyenda]

Im wary of dating sites and wouldnt use them .

Maybe thats why im answerbanks most elligible bachelor.



Oops sorry typo , most irritable bachelor.


Just be sensible and dont take any risks theer are some nutters out there .Oh and make sure hes not married /attached looking for som efluff on the side




HOPE THIS HELPED

[zabo]

... and have someone call you during the date, this way if it turns out boring or scary you'll have the opportunity to make an excuse and break loose. best of luck!

[Hgrove]

Thank you very much for all the advice... at the moment the plan is to meet next wednesday 11.30am to be confirmed... Thank you all again

[Ice.Maiden]

I can't add any more to what the others've said, Hgrove, but it was a good idea of zabo's to get someone to call you, excuse yourself for a few minutes, and give yourself a breather. Then, if you feel anxious about anything, you could either arrange for someone to come and collect/meet you - or tell this person that they are, whether that's really true or not.. Don't be persuaded to give away too many personal details if you haven't already done so, and don't accept a lift home or move away from where there are lots of people. Also let someone (friend or family) know what time to expect you back. Best of luck.

[styley]

I've not read the other posts but I'll be saying the usual. If you want a serious actual relationship then be yourself cos if you b/s you'll be found out in a couple of months and there may be no going back. Other than that just tell yourself that you try your best to be a good person(if thats the case) and after that its out of your control. Whose control its in is a whole nother debate.

[Ice.Maiden]

And from the point of view of how to act/what to say - styley's right. Just be yourself, and be a good listener. If the conversation lulls, then just ask this person to tell you more about themselves. Not many people can resist the chance to do this. Show an interest, keep a sense of humour, and then if all seems to go well, tell this person that you'll give them a call in a few days time. That gives you chance to think about things when you go home.

[lil123]

Only additional advice I would give is be very careful as I met a few men off internet dating and they have told lots of lies that I have later found out.
I personally won't be using them again and having a break after what the last one has done to me.
I am going to try meet someone the traditional way but even then there's no difference really

[Hgrove]

Thank you all for the replies; could I ask Lil 123 what kind of lies? Like they were single when they were actually in a relationship?

[Suzyboo]

You do get some who aren't honest and genuine but then you would if you met them some more traditional way too. All the safety advice has been good. It can be nerve wracking but try to have fun. Good luck

[sara3]

was it today? how did it go???!

[Hgrove]

Yes, it should have been today, but it was not; here's what happened. Basically, last night I texted him asking for a landline no. I went on to say that I hoped he would understand that it was for personal safety and hoped he would not take offence. I have not heard from him since. There could be a genuine reason but I am not going to chase him now unless he telephones or texts with an apology/explanation. Even if he is not a criminal, if he has taken offence at my request, he is not for me! I would like to thank everyone again and your advice will come in very handy if I "meet" anyone else !

[sara3]

good for you, you did the right thing. always follow your instincts. it's not like you asked for his credit card details, stupid man! if he had nothing to hide he should have at least had the courtesy to get back to you.

better luck next time, I'll cross my fingers for you x

[Suzyboo]

Yeah you definitely did the right thing. Reluctance to give land line no. can never be a good sign but at least you found out before you went to meet him. Do persevere though there are some worthwhile guys around so hopefully you'll connect with one of those next. Good luck

[shanti10]

Hgrove, it sounds as though you are very suspicious on meeting someone via an online dating site - and so you should be! Perhaps an introduction agency is the way froward for you? They check and meet everyone before they introduce to you and so reduce the risk for you considerably. One of the best in London (not sure where you are?) is Elan.London. www.elanlondon.co.uk

Good luck and stay safe!