How To Get Over Past Embarrasments

[W1D5]

Hi everyone, I always wondered, how does one effectively forget about past embarrassments? I've been trying to forget about it and others gave me advice, but it seems to be not working. Everytime I embarrass myself I beat myself up over it. I curse myself and would later feel all depressed. Maybe I'm just being too much of a perfectionist. Idk. Please help, thnks.

[chrisgel]

Sorry but I can't help because I'm exactly the same. I still occasionally think of something I did over 30 years ago and blush bright red.

[adrianben]

Drink a lot of alcohol and you wont remember anything ! Sorted !

[boxtops]

Perhaps you worry too much about what other people think of you. You'll probably find they either didn't notice, or they've forgotten all about it.

[janbee]

On my 30th birthday(a MILLION years ago!) I went to a VERY fancy swish upmarket expensive restaurant just outside Edinburgh. After the meal, my partner went to collect the car and bring it round to the front door for me. I went off to the loo. After doing my thing, I left, and sashayed my way through the restaurant. Everybody was looking at me and I was thinking "wow, I must look fantastic in my new dress"...anyway, I got into the car and realised that I had my dress tucked into my knickers at the back and I'd walked right though the entire room with everybody looking at me. OMG, I was SOOOOOOO embarrassed. Anyway, we went back the following week and when I phoned up to book a table I gave my name and the man who answered the phone said "oh yes, Mrs X, we remember you alright". They were very nice to me and gave me a bottle of champagne as a gift for giving them a good laugh.

[boxtops]

I have a pant story too, but I can't say it embarrassed me...

In the 1960s - days of mini skirts - we wore a pair of pretty knickers outside our tights, as well as the normal pair inside. Walking to work one day, the outside pair fell down.... I just had to step out them and carry on walking. It didn't help that I worked in a brewery with a lot of observant blokes!

[rojash]

Instead of trying to forget, you should rehearse the incident in your mind at every opportunity for a few days. After a while, you'll become so numbed to it that it will just seem banal.

[murraymints]

Jan do tell where was it ?

[Old_Geezer]

I think if something is laid down in your long term memory as described there is little one can do to shift it. As mentioned, I assume we all occassionally think of some incident in the far past, unexpectedly, and feel awkward about it.

You need to wait until the subconscious doesn't consider it a thought so interesting that you react strongly to it, and thus keeps bringing it to mind. In which case I'd advise, when you think of it again, just to acknowledge the thought but not stick with it overly long. Unemotionally move on to think of somthing else; until the mind learns it of little importance to you any more.

Of course the idea of training yourself to not react so would be a good thing if you can. It would help prevent such issues being so dramatic for you in the future.

[VHG]

There are reflective people (I am one) who spend a lot of time looking back to the past and "worrying" abut it.

There are others who just get on with life and are always looking for new things to do and never seem to worry about the past.

Like you W1D5 I am also a perfectionist and worry about things I said or did 20, 30 or 40 years ago.

I still get upset about the decision to marry my first wife over 40 years ago and find myself thinking about it and why I did it.

The thing to realise is that everything we have ever done or said all our life (good and bad) has gone in to making us the person we are today.

Many famous (and good) people have done bad things. Nelson Mandela was in favour of using violence and bombs in South Africa many years ago, and he is now considered a hero and one of the worlds great leaders.

All "great" people have made mistakes.

So the important thing is to look forward and think about what you are going to DO with your life and not what you have done (I only wish I could act on my own advice though !).

[bednobs]

you can't i still sometimes shudder over things that happened when i was 16!

[naomi24]

//Maybe I'm just being too much of a perfectionist. //

It seems to me you care too much about what other people think. Learn to laugh at your mistakes and, if necessary, at yourself. Nobody's perfect.

[Connemmara]

I wasn't embarrassed at the time but afterwards - the incident happened when I was 21 and 3 of my friends and I went to a Saturday afternoon club to celebrate my birthday - one of my friends got drunk (very unlike her) anyway went to the loo to be sick - she was gone for quite a while and I went to see how she was - she was still vomiting but I noticed a false tooth sitting on the cistern and asked her what it was - she was too embarrassed to tell me it was hers - so I flushed it down the toilet - it was years later she told me.

[saxy_jag]

Read some autobiographies of your favourite people - they're usually full of embarrassing incidents. If that doesn't convince you that these things really are there to be laughed at and looked back on ("some day we'll look back at this and laugh"), then try writing down all your own embarrassments as though you were writing your own autobiography. The very act of doing so can often be cathartic enough.

[MadMen]

Just try and loosen up a bit, and learn to poke fun at yourself.
Embarrassing myself is a regular thing for me. I've given up on giving a damn what other people think :-)

[skycarey1]

For such a nervous moments, you can take a deep breath, try not to think about things and that, in a pleasant mood to face the reality, and then give yourself some positive with positive energy psychological hint, this can be very good to jump out the uneasy mood. And friends is also a good method to make.

[society]

W1, look at whatever you've done that's bothering your conscience as a stepping stone and a learning experience. You've learned and wizened up and hopefully wouldn't make such errors or decisions again.