Ex-Wife Won't Allow Father To See His Daughter

[buffymad]

Posting this question on behalf of a friend ...

He has a young daughter by his ex-wife. Since they divorced, she's been funny with him on and off about letting him see his daughter which obviously upsets him. She says things such as he doesn't care for her and he puts work first. What's actually happened is that he's been called into work on a Saturday but given ex enough notice that he has to cancel - and she's not happy with that (as it messes up her plans!). Lately she said she can't trust him and he has to prove himself before she'll allow him to see her. She relented and said he could have her this weekend. But now she's decided against that. She says things such as she's the one who has to comfort daughter - but then ex is the one who's causing upset by not allowing him to see her!!

She said the only way he'll get access is by going to Court and "she's spoken to a solicitor and social services and he'll lose". My question is, if he goes to Court, won't he just be granted access rights? He's not a threat or anything like that so I cannot see why it would go any other way!

By the way, he pays maintenance for her but not through the CSA - think they agreed that between themselves.

[woofgang]

How old is daughter? The child's wishes are taken into account now. I'd be going to court and getting it sorted.

[VHG]

>>>"she's spoken to a solicitor and social services and he'll lose".

Well she would say that wouldn't she.

Surely he was given access rights during the divorce so if the ex-wife is not allowing that to happen he could take her to court.

[friedgreentomato]

Ensure he has proof of what he pays her, and go to court - keep it all above board and don't get involved in the he said she said.

[buffymad]

She'll be 3 this year. VHG - haha, that's exactly what I said - because perhaps she doesn't think he knows anything about this and would just believe what she said! Will find out re what was said when they divorced.

[IggyB]

And in the meantime he should honour his commitments if visits are agreed, the business of dropping out of arrangements would not go in his favour. I honestly think he should have said no to work if it was one of a limited number of days with his daughter.

[anneasquith]

before involving ''the courts'' try family mediation services.

[Brinjal]

I agree with you iggy he has to make his time with his daughter his priority.

[joeluke]

Been there, done it, got the t-shirt etc

Some ex's become permanently bitter and twisted and will do anything to make things as awkward as possible for fathers who don't live with their kids anymore

[momcj]

If he is of no threat to the child he would got contact and to be honest he could fight for exactly half-it will most probably be a long, stressful streched out period but in my experience the courts do want the child to have contact with both parents. At 3 they wouldnt really take her wishes as they wud say she is too young and can be influenced. Also i agree he needs to keep a note of all payments he has given her for maintenance- and should really get receipts. If the CSA did get involved she could say she has received nothing and then he would need to prove he has.

[buffymad]

99.9% of the time he does honour the arrangements. Just literally on 1 or 2 occasions, he's had to go to work. The payments - it was the ex who specified she didnt want payments going directly into her bank or anything like that. Just cash on the doorstep! At least he knew to get her sign a receipt each time. He's speaking to a solicitor shortly so fingers crossed. Thanks for all your comments.

[momcj]

The courts will understand if he has cancelled only a couple of times and he has a valid reason if it is to do with work, he will not get penalised for this. Hope it goes well

[buffymad]

Well the ex seems to think he's in the wrong for going to work! The ball is now rolling so we shall see. Ex is now saying "why are you doing this to us"!! Erm, I'm guessing this is happening because she was the one denying him access to his child!!

[rsvp]

I'd be very, very suspicious of the request for 'cash on the doorstep' - is the ex wife maybe collecting benefits of any kind based on her income? The ex husband will have a very difficult job proving he has paid anything if he is just handing over cash. Very dodgy and unsatisfactory in my opinion. Things need to get legally ratified - unofficial arrangements are fine until something goes wrong.

[chattykathy]

My brother paid his ex cash for his daughter's maintenance and years later the CSA are still saying he owes them £1000's because the ex was claiming benefits and not declaring the money he gave her.

[lorla]

Same thing happened to my hubbie, cash on the doorstep and then years later claimed not to have received anything and we spent years paying 'arrears'. You haven't got a leg to stand on.

[tamborine]

He could pay the CSA to her bank & top up cash with a visit; she obviously wants the money so bargain with her, child access = cash.