On The Verge Of A Mental Breakdown!!

[MadMen]

As above, I am on the verge of a mental breakdown!!

Went on holiday on Monday. Was really, really looking forward to some sun, and spending some time with a friend(ish).
Well, it was a complete and utter disaster. I had a massive panic attack (like, literally, it couldn't have been any worse!) my friend said I was some kind of mentalist, and I had to pay £160, yes £160 just to change my return flight home!! :-(

Have I missed anything exciting? I hope so. I need something, anything, to cheer myself up...

[China Doll]

Without wishing to sound harsh (tone is hard to inject on the internet), it sounds like you need to get a better grip on your anxiety otherwise think of all the other things you're going to end up missing out on and conside what you may also be passing along to your kids. Perhaps you need to go back to GP and see if you can get on some of the CBT that you said helped you before.

Without wishing to be rude, you KNOW what your anxiety is like and it's not for your friend to deal with your issues even if he does know about them. I agree that he should be supportive and understanding as we all are to our friends. If there was any doubt in your head that you could not control your anxiety while you were away then you need to be able to stand up and say that, along with a very firm 'thank you but no'... If you are unable to do this then I go back to you needing to get a better grasp on your anxiety. No one can do that for you.

Like I said, I don't wish to sound harsh but while I think it must be horrid for you and I wouldn't wish anxiety on anyone, I still have quite a lot of sympathy for your mate.

[MadMen]

You are absolutely right, I know that.
It's frustrating though because I can sit here now and realise everything you are saying is correct and I know that I do need to get a grip, but come tonight that'll all go out of the window and I'll be pacing the floor and thinking something awful is about to happen.

I know I need to get a grip, it's not harsh, I just can't ever see a way out of it.

My GP isn't much help, he just prescribes me with drugs. They do help, but they also make me feel like Sugar the next day and I can't really be monged out when I have to children to look after.

I know I sound like I don't want to help myself, but I can't just keep having CBT all the time.
Honestly, I'm a lost cause.... :-)

[pastafreak]

Unless you've actually had an axiety attack-do not criticise those who do. It's hell when it happens...bad enough in familiar situations...but dreadful if away from home or with strangers. Been there...done that.

[China Doll]

Well you'll have to have something, ask to see a second GP and say you want some talking therapy or perhaps referral to an actual psych team. Drugs clearly aren't the way forwards as they'll help calm you but you need to reprogram your brain basically and that's probably going to take a combination of drugs and therapy my very limited knowledge would have thought;(there's probably a better medical term but 'reprogram' is all I can think of).

[China Doll]

I'm not critiscising pasta... I don't think anyone else was either really. We're offering an alternative perspective.

[MadMen]

Thanks pasta :-)
I'm not looking for sympathy, and not attention seeking - although I can see how my original post could read like that.
It really was awful and not something I 'wanted' to happen. I tried to mask it and hide it as best as I could. I even stayed in the bathroom for over an hour saying I was in the bath, because I was freaking out so much and didn't want him to see.

Reprogramming my brain is definitely what I need! :-)

It's hard because, generally, I don't feel like it during the day. It's always there in the 'background', but not usually in full force until it comes to night time. I often say I feel "panicky" but it's hard to get a GP to take you seriously when you seem absolutely fine come the doctors appointment.

[mccfluff]

can you get referred for cog behavioural therapy, rather than taking drugs that aren't helping you??

sorry you had such a broccoli holiday

[MadMen]

I think what I need to do is make an appointment with a different doctor.
Females are generally a bit more understanding, so I'll make one with her.
I know she only works Tuesdays, so I'll do it in the morning and see what she says. Yes she can refer me, although I know it'll take a bit of time as I'll have to go on a waiting list - which is what my own GP told me when I asked about it the last time.

Sorry for moaning so much. I do feel really bad about it and don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me. I can totally understand people feeling bad for my friend, I do myself. I now feel bad about posting this thread and giving him such a bashing. I suppose I just wanted to get stuff off my chest. It's not his fault I'm totally off my rocker.

Thanks fluff :)

[murraymints]

Mm you need to get out and about do normal things with a friend or friends you feel safe around....gradually push your comfort zones....hope things improve for you soon xx

[Old_Geezer]

I'd like to think I have sympathy for you both. Best of luck sorting out your issues.

[jno]

I have to agree with China and B00, don't go focusing on what your mate did or should have done - bad or good, it's your problem, not his, and you're the only one who can take any action to sort it out. I sympathise with anyone who's ill, and I hope you can find some way of making sure it doesnn't spoil your plans again in the future.

If you can figure out what brought the attack on... if it was that you did it all at short notice without really gearing yourself up for it mentally, then Lesson #1 is don't do that again.

Good luck with however you choose to tackle it.

[MadMen]

MM, I tend not to really go out and about much. Actually, just the thought of it starts me off on one.
I do take the kids out, but that's ok because I've got them with me and I don't really have time to 'think' about feeling panicky - if that makes sense.

I am a terrible friend actually, because I change my mind about doing things right at the last minute and end up letting people down.

Thanks for the further replies. You're all right, I do need to take the bull by the horns and sort myself out. It's just easier said than done.

[anneasquith]

i know hindsight is a great thing,,,,,,,but given your mental health at the moment was a ? on the spur holiday a good idea. maybe avoid stressful situations until you feel better.