Redundancy and Divorce all at once!

[lacuna bless]

I have just served divorce papers upon my husband of 28yrs after catching the silly sod with mistress no.4. The very same week his whole dept. was made redundant. He has been offered similar job in **. ** same pay but has gone sick with depression and has rented house nearby with new totty. My solicitor says this is an old ploy and all will be sorted in court but hubby says he will walk away from �60K payout unless I take him back and if I don't he will get a much lower paid job and give us up to �250 p.m. Can he do this? Any worst case scenarios out there?

[stanleyman]

Have him back just long enough for you to squirrel away the �60k! As your solicitor says it'll all be sorted out in court who no doubt will order a fair split of assets and reasonable maintenance. You husband can't predict this even if he is trying to spite his face.

[xrayspecs]

Make sure he doesn't transfer all his assets to his new bint. If he does she will own all his assets and you won't get a thing. Sorting that out in court would take ages and cost thousands. Remember that the only winners in divorce are the lawyers!

[lacuna bless]

How do I prevent this xrayspecs? She's Eastern European and has already cleaned out husband no.1 but I'm on legal aid and he's not. Only asset is house and I'm in it with our 3 sons.

Nice devious thought, stanleyman. This time my price is far higher than �60K! The girlfriend has though, confessed to accepting �5K to be first husband's wife and escape Romania. Will let you know how mediation goes.

[sense4all]

I would invest a couple of hundred quid in having all my locks changed (Banham locks are expensive but can only have keys cut with your permission ) Play the waiting game. Solicitors are able to anticipate all kinds of shennanigans that may not even have crossed your mind. Also your ex will usually expect you to crumble in the face of adversity. Most outsider's are not easily fooled, have faith in the people around you...you may be pleasantly surprised in the long term.

In this situation information is 'King' . For example , can you remember things about his financial matters, Will you be able to claim on his pension etc, jot old financial things in a 'musings' book as you think of them ,go over old bank statements to find forgotten policies etc.. if you CAN is it worth cashing them in to just off load the cost as an outgoing! Life insurance for example is significantly cheaper now than years ago.

If you think your children will be at financial risk in the future due to tottys spending/ lifestyle demands find out if you are allowed to draw up a new Will to benefit your kids not him asap.(Especially if you have mirror wills in place at the moment), do not tell him or the kids you have done this.... he may do same and leave it to totty ,cats home etc. Leave copy with your solicitor. My bestfriend was deposed by absent father of several years after her mum died. He got the house.New will was prepared but not signed.

Join a divorce group .sometimes that alone is a sanity saver! It has taken someone I know years to divorce due to unhelpful spouse ,and at times the outlook was very bleak, in the end it all came good, but it was very tough!

[lacuna bless]

Thanks for good sense4all.Changed locks very quickly when ex2b said girlfriend and her lorry driver husband had lived in Romania for a year on proceeds of drug running! Am using secret notebook as ex2b has already torn up notes in front of me in fit of pique. Can you recommend any divorce groups?

[sense4all]

I know they are out there. In the next week will be talking to friend who met her second husband( they only got married late last year) at a divorce group over ten years ago.Will ask to find out if it was a local or national thing.Will also trawl the internet to see if there are any clues. Sounds like your ex2b has picked himself a fabulous prize at the totty fair. May the force be with you....... Sense x

[sense4all]

As Jack Nicholson once said " I'm baaaaaaaack"

(I should point out that I live in stockbroker belt and in the early nineties after the excess of the eighties a lot of marriages bit the dust.)

Have spoken to friend who said that when her first marriage skidded to a halt, she was in a local shop when she overheard a couple of cows saying what they thought had happened to her. Incensed she bought a tin of spray paint and on the garage door painted the facts so no one was in any doubt about what had happened!

The vicar of the local church was passing a couple of days later and said that he had become aware of just how many people were separating and so he hired a non religious hall, and a mental health worker setting up a small (for the first few weeks) informal group so that people would realise just how big a problem it had become in our town (would she be interested in going)...... after six months people had found like minded friends and were supporting each other and the kids all knew they were not the only people who had parents mid divorce so the formal group disbanded.

cont.....

[sense4all]

part two I have been on ask.co.uk and typed in divorce support groups and all kinds of stuff came up ... try out some of the sites and see if they suit. On the right hand side are other phrases people typed in try one of those if you think the phrasing suits you better ! Hope all is well,

sense