How do I solve depression from HPV and my boyfriend leaving?

[terrified]

I've been dating my (now ex) boyfriend for about 10 months. It was true love from the beginning and we knew this was much more special than just dating. We had talked abotu the future and he was absolutely everything I wanted in a partner (and more). He told me I was the same and convinced me to let myself need him and lean on him. I considered myself the luckiest girl in the world to have found someone who made me so happy. Two months ago, I found out that I had precancerous cells caused by HPV. He stuck by my side through the whole ordeal and lots of procedures to fix this. He was amazing and I loved him even more for it. We couldn't fool around and it was obviously a huge turnoff, but we knew it was temporary. I found out abotu a month ago that the cells are fixed and was happy that we had survived that ordeal. THen, 2 weeks ago, he broke up with me. He said "things changed and something's missing and we can't get it back." I know what's missing.... that chemistry that we lost when health became a priority. But he won't listen to me and insists we're done for good. I'm very depressed and unable to focus on much at all.... I've lost the love of my life and am convinced that nobody will ever be everything that he was and therefore not make me happy. At the same time, I'm terrified that my dating life is over becuase HPV will still be in my system for up to two years. The combination of these two things has left me really depressed. I've been working out a lot, taking dance classes, talking to friends and family and staying busy. But it's so hard getting out of bed in the morning, sleeping at night and focusing on ANY work during the day. I need this to stop. Help?

[{Dakota}]

Oh sweetheart xxx

Well, The HPV will still be in your system for up to two years but I can arruse you your dating life is not over. I had the same around 8 years ago and I've gone on to be a healthy woman. Please try not to be scared, I know it's easier said than done, but I promise you your life is not over.

With regard to this guy. He obviously got quite a shock when you were diagnosed. I would be interested to know how old you both are. People deal with these things in different ways. He was a star to stay with you through your treatment, but he can't help that it's changed the way he feels. You can't push it with him, please try not to contact for the forseeable future, there's nothing worse than someone continually texting and calling and it won't endear you to him. Give him some time to work out in his own mind how he feels.

If you end up never getting back together with this guy then he wasn't the one for you and you can look back it as great times with a great person, but there's someone out there who will be even better !

The fact that you're exercising and throwing yourself into sports and your friends is a good thing. The exercises will release endorphins (the natural anti-depressant) and your friends provide you with being able to forget for a few hours.

You've been dealt with a double blow with the HPV and the loss of your boyfriend and I encourage you to go to your doctor and get some anti-depressants. Having only one of those things to deal with is enough but both of those have knocked your confidence and it's no wonder you are struggling to get out of bed in the morning.

So, in a nutshell, Try to stop worrying over the HPV, regular check ups will keep it in check, see your doctor about getting anti-depressants and make sure you don't lose touch with your friends - they are always there for you and ready to help, as friends do.

xx

[Amara]

You are going through a horrible time in your life right now and it feels like the end of the world. He may yet come back to you so don't give up hope quite yet. Try to take one day at a time and keep busy, as you have been. You must believe you can be happy again, we never know what is round the corner, and although it is hard to believe at the moment positive things can come out of negative ones. Concentrate on keeping well; diet, exercise and fresh air are all important at this time. Give yourself some goals and challenges to focus your mind and believe that you have a great life ahead of you. You sound like an amazingly strong person who has been through a very difficult time, you deserve good things and you will have them. Love and light Amara x

[Amara]

No disrespect Dakota but please don't go down the antidepressant route - try some natural alternatives first.

[{Dakota}]

No offence taken, I understand, I was thinking of so much at once. Amara is correct, you should try the natural route first, there are plenty of options available at health food stores and the sales assistant should be able to advise you on the best brands :)

[Hgrove]

Please don't take this wrong, I mean it in a helpful way: have you heard of a website called http://www.soyouvebeendumped.co.uk/ ? I had a look at it some time ago and it cheered me up a bit.

[joko]

I notice you have already considered that your dating life will be ruined for 2 years.

Are you perhaps clinging to him more because you know you cannot have anyone else for two years?

Either way it means you are able to consider being with with someone else and have actually thought about it so therefore you will meet someone else who will become the real love of your life - this guy isn't it

try 5HTP from a health food shop - its very good

[jimmer]

Terrified

The best way to manage your depression is to see your GP. Specifically, if your depression is related to your HPV you may be able to receive councelling to help you talk through your fears. Also, visiting your GP does not require that you take anti-depressant medication (although this is an option) it simply means that you can be properly assessed by a healthcare professional and this in itself can start the healing process.

whatever you decide I hope you are feeling better soon.

jim

[Goodsoulette]

Oh my goodness, bless your cotton socks.

What a rough time you have had, in all honesty you are better off leaving that part of your life behind. Any relationship you could potentially start up with him again is going to have a lot of bagage with it now, and it will need a lot of working on.

Why not put the time and effort into making your life better in other areas. It is obvious from what you have written that you are a beautiful person with lots of love to give. If you need antidepressants then take them, depression is a chemical imbalance and all you would be doing is replacing them. Not that this should be first stop though.

Try dating! I think getting ready and finding a connection with someone else would be great, you dont need to commit to anything. getting ready and excited about the night ahead should pick you up, have you got a single mate you could try speed dating with.

[metagirl]

HPV is very common and you should not blame yourself or let yourself get stuck carrying around a lot of guilt because of it. Continue to surround yourself with positive people and activities - relationships are tested by conflict and if he can't handle real life situations then you are better off.

Talk to your GP about the depression - perhaps they have something you can take or can recommend a support group - if you want to go that route.

[metagirl]

oh - just saw joko's post. he/she is completely wrong - you can still have a sex life. Just use the same precautions as everyone should - get your guy to wear a condom!

If everyone got screened for STIs there would be more than a few surprises! don't feel guilty, just protect yourself.

all the best!

[joko]

metagirl - i did not say she couldn't have sex for 2 years - I said "I notice you have already considered that your dating life will be ruined for 2 years" - because thats what she said!!

Re-read the original question!

- "... I'm terrified that my dating life is over becuase HPV will still be in my system for up to two years."

And re-read my words in context to the rest of what I said - I was talking about the fact that she was able to even consider dating again, meant her life wasn't over and she would find a new bloke!

I thank you not to put words in my mouth.

[terrified]

Thank you all.... To answer some of your questions, I'm 25, he just turned 29 and is also goign through a career crisis where he realized he's not happy with his job and doesn't know what he wants to do for the rest of his life. As for me, I visited my GP today and she calmed some of my fears, referred me to a counselor and sent me home with both a week's sample and an anti-depressant presription. I'd prefer not to use drugs and am going to wait another two weeks before deciding to use them. Thanks all fo ryour help. I really believe we're meant for each other and hope that time clears his mind and helps him realize that. I've heard/seen so many stories of guys just freaking out around the one-year mark for no reason, only to realize that it was a big mistake a few months later. Here's hoping....

[gill3891]

I don't know if you will still read this, i hope you do coz i think this is kinda relevant, but I know how your boyfriend feels. The relationship I am currently in has been under serious health strains the last few years, and am the one who feels the way your boyfriend must have been feeling! My boyfriend has quite a serious operation a while ago, which involved a year long recovery period and things have been strained sexually since then. The relationship did change and I did consider finsihing things with him but we stuck together and got through the worst of it and I can now see light at the end of the tunnel. I understand how your b/f must have felt, that its not the same and he don't know if he can handle it, its exactly how I felt, but if you give him space and you guys are meant to be then, he'll be back. If not, then you sound like a lovely woman and that any guy would be love to be with you, so be strong, stay busy and remember that your friends will always be there for you!!!! Hope you are ok! xxx

[Amara]

Hi again

Please consider some st johns wort before you resort to the anti d's - I agree they are useful in balancing the chemicals in your brain - but what you are experiencing is not that - it is a normal reaction to what you have been through. Please read all the answers given and use some of the other things suggested as an alternative. These drugs are given out far too freely at the moment to people who don't need them. And the side effects are not great.