My Mum, Part 2

[Cocacolaaa]

I feel terrible, the other day I posted a post about my mum and how we were not getting along, and I felt terrible for posting it. Well the situation has got worse.

Today over messaging i told her that she was my problem. How she always talks bad of people, (friends and family of mine). and is abusive towards me, with swear words and has a nasty tongue. I also said that I hope it doesnt stay like this forever.

At the time I felt I was doing the right thing by letting her know how i feel, and now i've said it, i feel bad. :( What am i going to do. We are in 2 different countries... My dad is not alive, so i cant talk to him about it. THey were separated since I was born but I still always went to him when I had a problem with my mum. Its a nightmare. I think I'll speak to her brother, my uncle about it. I'm scared to speak to people, because she always says i turn people against her. This is a real nightmare situation for me. Is it too deep for Answebank... urghhhh.... My head is frazzled. Today she told me I was full of SH*T, and now I actually wonder if i am... :(

[sebhfhion]

Why is she causing you problems? Because she has a sour outlook on life? Why would this affect you personally? You need to step back and realise your mother is who she is and will not change. Accept she is surrounded by negativity but do not let that negativity drag you down. Be civil but do not try to build any bridges, let her do that. She could be manipulative, she maybe just wants her own space, but if she wants a relationship with you she will do the work for it if you let her know in subtle terms you will not be manipulated.

[Huderon]

You don't have to love your mum, and as long as you are convinced that you do have to, you're going to have a problem.

Your mum is a an individual in her own right, and will behave however she wants to. She may have been the best mum in the world when you were little, but since then she has changed to the kind of person you would probably avoid like the plague if she was just someone you'd met and got to know recently.

So, recognise her for someone you don't like much and may well not love, but do have a special link to anyway, and stop beating yourself up over what you said about her. Give yourself a break from her (meaning don't get in touch with her for a while) and take some time to think about how you can manage to have a relationship with her while still living your own life and having your own friends.

For what it's worth, my mother told me, when I was in my 20's, that I had always rubbed her up the wrong way. I'd realised long before then that I didn't love her, and that there was something about me that she really didn't like much. I respect her for who she is and I always give serious thought to any advice she may give me, but she still annoys me at times, and at times she can be downright nasty, but we manage to get along most of the time, with both of us living our own lives.