teenagers

[DAWNU1]

my 15 year old is not badly behaved but he seems to have no interest in doing anything. he goes to school but has few friends. he has gone down from 9 gcse's to 4 because he would not be able to pass 9 as he has not done the work necessary. even going down to 4 he is still not doing enough work. the school knows all this but it is as though they only help the kids who are willing to work. they just ring up to say he is wearing the wrong uniform but i can't get him dressed in the mornings and he will only wear his weekend jeans as he hates school trousers and shirt. when they ring i say can you do your job and educate him? i try but he is more of a doer, he loves cooking, gardening, compiling a website, biking, drawing and he hates reading and writing. any suggestions on how to get him to buckle down for his exams? or any ideas on what he could do when he leaves school in june.

thanks

[Coobeastie]

Dawn,

I'm not particularly academic myself and when I went to school I genuinely struggled to get my results.

However, (and i'm sorry if this causes offence) with only 4 poor gcses he's not going to get very far in the world.

You say he's not a bad lad and this may well be true but he definately sounds like he has an attitude problem (in common with a lot of teenagers today).

I've seen this before with my nephew. He's more hands on too, but only when it pleases him.

He tried an apprenticeship but quit after a week or so because he thought the bosses were slave drivers. Your son can't even manage to wear a school uniform like every other pupil so what chance is there that he will buckle down and do a job when he's told to.

[Coobeastie]

On a brighter note....

If he is prepared to put his back into it I would suggest that he tries getting work as a trainee gardener or prehaps an assistant in a kitchen. Both will be hard work but if he's willing can be very fullfilling.

[noxlumos]

Well personally I think not wearing his

school uniform is a great thing because it shows individuality, the refusal to buckle down to pointless rules and that he has enough self confidence to refuse to do soemthing he feels is unnecessary or wrong.The

non uniform wearers are always the hands on or creatives ( my eldest son is an artist/photographer... he was a non uniform wearer).

What you might find is that he is a square peg in a round hole at school but that if he leaves he can then do his gcse's at college in a year without any difficulty so in the big scheme of things it's possibly not as life threatening as you think.College is far more laid back and used to schools not always doing their best for the kids there so he won't be the only one topping up his gcse's.

He may decide to work for himself, but why not ask him what he wants to do. If he has no idea then suggest gently that he might want to top up on gcse's and A levels at college. He sounds a nice lad, which is the most important thing.

[Coobeastie]

noxlumos,

A uniform is not pointless as you say. One of the main reasons why schools have uniforms is so that everybody can be treated equally, so that you don't get into situations where children are bullied for wearing the wrong types of clothes. I know this happens, we had a uniform at our school but you could still wear you own shoes and that used to be a subject of ridicule if you wore the wrong ones.

Its good to be individual but people must still have respect for rules and laws.

[noxlumos]

Actually coobeatie I STRONGLY disagree with you. All that happens when you have a school uniform is that the poor kids have the rich kids second hand cast offs which causes more not less bullying, and it is the very first step to having your individuality taken by your so called elders and betters.We had school uniform at our school when I was a kid and my family being very poor I had to wear other kids stuff from the local jumble sales and then have the degredation of that kid pointing it out to all his mates, not something I'd wish upon my children and I fully upheld their decision not to wear school uniform.We donated the money (over �1,000 for four children!!!) to charity instead.Sorry if that offends you, but I am perfectly happy that my children thought for themselves and chose not to wear it as they believed, as I do, that it was a pointless excercise in discipline merely to get children into the idea that they have to do what they are told without objecting or thinking.I was unhappy with other aspects of school and eventually withdrew all of my children as I felt that it was not a place of learning but rather somewhere where kids are sent to learn a smattering of knowledge parrot fashion in order to pass exams that frankly would insult the intelligence of a home educated seven year old.That was seven years ago and the children in question have all now left school and all have gone on to University or college and have turned out just fine. School uniform is not a law, it's a rule dreamed up by someone placed in authority as and such should naturally be questioned as to their validity.Laws are an entirely different matter and are not relevant to the discussion, all of my children have the utmost respect for the law.

[acorn]

As the parent of a 15 yr old complete with all the angst and problems this brings I sympathise totally. My son has a 1 year relationship with a girl who i dislike but still manage to smile when she visits and keep it to myself. I am finding my son has lost the will at school too and although he considered staying on i dont feel this would be in his best interest. So with his agreement i sent off for details of the local college. He has decided on a public service 1 year course and has sent off the application forms. My friends two children both did this course (available at most colleges - just get a prospectus - school should be able to help) and they loved it. They felt they were treated more like adults instead of school children and it has given both of them great teamwork capabilities and new friendships. One of the kids hated school and was failing all paperwork.He prefers to work with his hands and is more used to running around outside than sitting in the classroom. He found this course ideal and has already applied for another course for this September in metalwork as he loves making things. Talk to your son and see if he would consider college as he may benefit from the change from school setting.

[DAWNU1]

thanks very much to you all for your answers - helped a bit. will post an answer back when he moves on - could be the next bill gates or richard branson!!!

thanks again

[Coobeastie]

noxlumos.

I can understand where you are coming from but a second hand uniform is still going to look like a uniform whereas a child wearing charity shop / cheap shop clothes is going to stand a mile out when everybody else is wearing designer gear.

I'm glad your children have done well and obviously you have taught them well.

Most schools make it a rule that uniform is worn, and when you get down to fundamentals laws are in essence rules. If everybody decided to do their own thing, society would soon break down.

[noxlumos]

Yeah Hitler had the obeying rules without question thing down to a "T", and you haven't considered how school uniform impacts on poverty amongst the very poorest families. I can assure you it is universally hated and worried over by by parents who have little or no money, it's a source of immense stress when frankly families have much better things to spend money on.When a single parent gets say �75 benefit for a week and is then presented with having to buy �400 worth of absurd clothing which their child wouldn't be seen dead in by choice, you really think that's helpful? With us it wasn't the money because we are fairly comfortable it was the incredible store that teachers put on forcing everyone to conform to what THEY thought. I believe it shows a total lack of respect for children and their parents alike and it really woke me up to the modern ethos within our schools when a kid is excluded because his mother can't afford trainers and shoes, so she opted for trainers which he would wear outside of school time. Just explain to me why a woman like that has to be ritually humiliated in front of the head of school and explain that she cannot afford their nonsense? Uniform should be, if schools must have them, voluntary, then if the school is any cop pupils will want to show they are part of it and others who don't subscribe to it are not hounded and bullied by the staff.

[suzi-q]

Getting back to the original question of the 15 yr old being not very interested in school work. I have one who is so laid back hes practically horizontal. Hes just realised that he has his exams in 3-6 months and is all behind. We've only been telling him that for the last 6 months.

Now he feels stressed and trapped - his words - I think if a boy is non-academic it is quite hard because if they're not particularly naughty and thereby dont draw attention to themselves, they can kind of coast along at school not doing very much and it doesnt really get picked up on til its almost too late.

[Coobeastie]

You can buy school uniform for a lot less than �400, though I concede that a special blazer or jumper may be required which may cost a little more.

It seems you have some really bad experiences with schools if you think that all teachers get some perverse kick out of forcing children to wear uniform. And as for liking school rules to Hitler!

[noxlumos]

I actually said that Hitler was very particular to ensure that children learned to be uniformed and obey rules unquestioningly from a very young age, all of which is true.I have had terrible experiences of schools you are absolutely right and so have many other people, including teachers being unable to understand the simplest thing like the fact that my son who is deaf could not lip read if they had their back to him! They however could understand when he went to school in jeans and write me endless tedious letters to that effect whilst effectively ignoring his educational needs because they couldn't be bothered to turn round.I asume you are either a teacher or work in a school, hence you take such offence?

[Coobeastie]

I'm not a teacher far from it, but I have friends and family who are in the teaching profession.

Whilst not really comparable I had dyslexia and speach problems as a child, and the experience that i had was that the teachers tried their damnest to help me.

I suppose it all boils down to individual circumstances, I had to wear a uniform and i remember the bullying that used to go on over the shoes, and the fact that when ever we had a dress down day, it wasn't a totally enjoyable experience as you had to make sure what you wore didn't single you out for ridicule.

I am sorry if I have come over rude or insensitive its just that I feel that teachers get enough flack nowadays as it is.

[noxlumos]

No problem CooBeastie, I enjoy a good debate, it just makes me shudder to think how much hassle we had with schools when our kids attended. That being said I agree with you about teachers, a really good teacher is worth their weight in gold and I had an English teacher who really encouraged me to go on to University when I really didn't see it as possible and fostered a great love of literature in me. I think that teacher might have set an artificially high benchmark for me when dealing with my kids teachers who seemed overworked and disinterested by comparison.Good name by the way :)