confused

[jess-a-ka]

hi everyone. im new here but thankfull i found this site. heres my problem, what does it mean when you feel totally safe and secure in someones arms? my biggest concern is that i have been happily married for 12 years. i have never cheated but i think i may be headed there. i no longer feel safe and secure in my husbands arms. but i do in my best friends who is also my husbands brother. just one look, one touch, one hug, makes the world disappear and i never felt so comfortable and loved. he feels the same. am i in love with him? how could i be such a horrible person? help!

[dotjhawkes]

The brother comes with no worries about trying to survive in this crazy world, it is a false feeling of being free from anything real. You are under stress and this would only add to it. Look at what you have already and list what you would miss. Then make another list of who you would destroy and put yourself at the top.

[jno]

marriage is a complicated mixture of rights and responsibilities, pleasures and pains and compromises. You're falling for someone who seems to have none of that baggage: he's an escape. Quite apart from wondering why you should fall for someone creepy enough to want his brother's wife (does he know what's happining?), you should ask yourself what it is you're trying to escape from. Are you not as happy as you imagine? Is your marriage secretly too constricting or too unadventurous? You should ideally try to work this out with your husband, not his brother; but you could try to understand it in your own mind first.

[laurence2]

Hello jess, I agree with the 2 post, You don,t say if children are involved ?. Whats making you feel unsecure ?

Have you discussed this to anyone else {including the brother} ?. Personally the brother seems a real low life, What happened to the saying Blood is thicker than Water.

You need to take a BIG step back, Take a look in the mirror, decide what direction you want to take in life, I,m not saying you can,t have a relationship with your brother {Yes i am}, But to Quote the S**t WILL HIT THE FAN, is an understatement.

I can,t help but feel your totally confused, you need to get some sort of help asap, if your marriage can,t be saved {sorry} so be it, but the answer is not his Brother.

Ps, i feel your husband must of really of P****d you off at some point as he will see this as the ultimate INSULT

hope you can work things out

[Lonnie]

The two above posts are real commonsense, with some really good advice, please, read and re-read them, and digest their contents, before going any further with your brother-in -law.

[rampart]

Jess, I know some people who went through that. It went too far and they had an affair. The affair ended, and the marriage survived (I do not know how). But, all their family and friends know about it, and although this was years ago, it still comes up in conversation (behind their backs) from time to time. It is not something that's likely to be forgotten.

Get out of the brother's arms.

[xlaurax]

this doesnt make you a horrible person it just means ur uncertain on some things.you need to ask your self the question 'do i love my husband?' 'do i want to be with him?' if the answers yes then stick with it and battle through it all maybe tell him ur feeling insecure hes likely to re asuure you and if things still dont work out then atleast u can say uve given it a go and youll never regret anything. if the answers no then theres no point hanging around but going straight to the brother probally isnt the best thing to do you should take some time out maybe have a holiday and see how things lie then but no one will evr thank you for what could be breaking up a family. its your decision but just remmber this desicion will change your life. good luck!