Odd Announcements

[FredPuli43]

A reader of New Scientist reports that he heard a London, Victoria,mainline station announcement: "Customers are warned that unofficial pickpockets are operating on this station". He wonders whether there's course they can take to legitimise their profession.

What daft announcements have you heard?

[tonyav]

Not heard but read on a bag of salted peanuts 'may contain nuts'.

[weecalf]

Heard there was a shortage of doctors but getting pickpockets to operate at train stations is a new low.

[pixie373]

And on a bottle of Vitamin tablets : "in the event of an overdose, call a doctor, if awake"

[stewey]

"Please remove baby from stroller before folding it."

[factor-fiction]

Wasn't there a hospital that had a sign up warning visitors that 'thieves are operating at this hospital'

[weecalf]

Scrape merchant said the only thing he takes out a car before its crushed and baled is the driver

[pixie373]

Lol, Stewey. I wondered why mine didn't fold properly!

[Buenchico]

When working at a railway station I've apologised for "delays caused by track adhesion difficulties due to compacted vegetation debris", simply because I couldn't bring myself to say "because of leaves on the line".

I've also started an announcement (telling passengers that they'd got to cross the footbridge for a third time, after 3 successive platform changes) with "The signaller at Colchester has asked me to tell you that he's 'having one of those days' . . . "

Upon seeing loads of people in fancy dress waiting for a train, all dressed as spacemen, I've announced "The space travellers on Platform 2 are advised that there are essential engineering works taking place in the outer arm of the crab nebula due to a hole in the space-time continuum, with bus replacement services operating between some galaxies".

However (because there were managers around) I was too cowardly to make the announcement that I really longed to make when we had the Orient Express on Platform 3. I really, really wanted to say, "Here is a customer announcement. If there is a Monsieur Poirot on the station - that's a Monsieur Poirot - would he kindly not board the train on Platform 3 as other passengers are hoping for an uneventful journey"
;-)

[jno]

that must explain it, stewey, I've been having such trouble folding the baby.