What Would You Advise

[Connemmara]

Hi guys. Looking for a bit of advice. As I said earlier I was at the beach with my dog but called in to see a friend. However, trying to be as brief here - while out walking out her dog about 4 months ago her and another dog walker (lady much younger than her) got chatting and so they met up now and again when out walking their dogs. About 6 weeks ago my friend fell in backyard and nearly broke her back - very bad and the dog-walker friend looked after her, walked my friend's dog, got her cream, pills and made her food. My friend did give her £100 for her help. My friend was saying today however the dog walker person is sorta "stalking" her a bit now coming to her about 3 or 4 times in the day - then when they are out walking some "inuendoes" re dog walker friend wanting £60 shoes, wanting £50 top etc and my friend goes "Oh well you will have to budget for that etc. My friend is feeling uncomfortable but also feels so ungrateful and feels terrible that she only wants to meet this girl a few times a week and doesn't know what to say to her. Whilst I was there the girl came again and that was her 3rd time and whilst I was on my way home about an hour or two later - my friend emailed me to say the girl had come back again and my friend was able to fob her off with saying she didn't feel well. I know this friend of mine for years and years - all her life she loathed regimentality. Can she say anything to this person without offending her?

[anneasquith]

geez oh conn that's some '' brief story ''. :) I think the young lady is either very lonely or looking for cash from your friend. I would just pretend I was not at home when she calls, but arrange to meet her when out with the dogs.

[Connemmara]

Anne couldn't make it any briefer. No she couldn't pretend she was out as she lives in a "funny" house ie front door leads right into living room and so does front window. My friend does feel she is looking for money apparently she comes off with other sob stories too.

[pixie373]

It would be difficult for your friend to say something about money if she's not been directly asked. Maybe next time the girl turns up, she could say, "sorry, I'm busy today. How about...(name day) so she has more control over when they meet up.

[Connemmara]

Pixie I have suggested that so maybe she will try that - Thanks to all for replying. Haven't seen this friend for about 6 years my oh my she is wretched looking and sick looking. Ta!

[joko]

she should start talking about various bills and things she has to pay for and moan a bit about money worries.
and when she says she wants a top etc she should say things like 'ooh id love to be able to buy new tops for myself' etc

make it clear that she has no spare cash
id also make sure she gets a safe or something and hides any cash etc - sadly it sounds like the constant visits may be 'casing', hoping for opportunities to have a root through stuff etc

[daffy654]

Tell your friend to drop lots and lots of hints about how broke she is, the young visitor may lose interest if she thinks there is no money to be had.

[DJHawkes]

without wanting to sound alarmist and cause you any worry i would be inclined to not trust this person at all, especially in her home. it's a sad world but people can be callous and greedy and your friend may seem like an easy target for theft. she should not allow the woman to be unaccompanied whehn in the house and if at all possible just not let her in.

[Spoonboy]

It seems to me that people do not do things from the goodness of their heart these days; if you can catch my following drift Buy One Get One Free comes to mind.

[boxtops]

Why can't she say to her straight up "look, I was happy to give you some money in return for all the help you gave me when I needed it - but in fact, I've got no more money than you, I don't know why you keep coming round here talking about money". We had the same with a tradesman a while back, first off he asked us for money up front to do jobs then started saying could we lend him x - no, we couldn't, we don't have spare cash and we're not a soft touch. I think your friend will have to be blunt and tell gil that she can't keep coming several times a day. If she won't do that, why doesn't she just not answer the door?

[Connemmara]

thanks Boxy - I told her to do what you said last night - she was going to have to be more upfront. She sent me an email about 11.30 this morning to tell me that said woman rung her bell at 8.30 am looking to go for a walk. So my friend said no, it was too early - the said woman then I will be back so my friend no, I am watching tennis. Watch this space. Ta everybody else for your answers. Con

[joko]

well, hopefully this woman is just bored and lonely and happy to have made a friend, and maybe these 'innuendos' are actually just chitchat that is being read into with all sorts of intent - as once the label is there, many comments can be read to suit the label.
she may also just be worried for your friend... she has fallen badly once, maybe this girl just feels upset by it all and that she has to keep checking on her.

sadly there is no way of knowing until its too late

she should always also just say she will meet her away from the house - its best not to try to cut all ties with her - as it may be innocent, but also as she may get vindictive