wives

[Scarlett]

I have always thought that the reason I am not "marriageable" is that I don't have any of the qualities that men look for in a wife.

So, men- be honest, don't worry about sounding chauvenistic!! What qualiltes do you look for in a wife/long-term partner?

[AlBaal]

A series of shared connections -
Chemical
Physical
Intellectual
Soulfull (being at ease with each others inner-self )
Social
Cultural

If you can tick all these boxes you're doing well.

[spaced]

trustworthy

[rampart]

Here's my honest answer, so please do not get mad at me!

On the outside: I preferred the same race and same height or shorter. That's probably shallow of me, but I am being honest. On the more honourable side, it did not matter to me if she was attractive or not, skinny or fat.

On the inside: She had to be Christian. I also was concerned as to how she got along with her family, friends, and strangers because that was likely to reflect how she would treat me.

I met a woman who met every one of those qualities, but I would not say it was love at first sight. I did think to myself that she seemed quite nice, and the more time we spent together, the more I fell in love with her. She felt warm and comfortable, rather like a favourite chair. Bad analogy, I know. But that is what it was like. I was comfortable with her and felt I could look her in the face then, ten years later, and forever. She was kind to her parents and loved children. We have two children today and my parents live with us. She is so wonderful with the children and so kind to my parents, and she treats me like her best friend and lover.

We have been married several years now and each night we are the last ones to go to sleep. Quite often, we are on the couch having a glass of wine and talking. It is like a date each night.

Is she a perfect person? No, but neither am I. But she is perfect for me.

This all sounds so silly as I write it, but it is my honest answer.

[caro_]

Rampart - I thought that was a great thing to write and I hope you have shown your wife!!

Scarlett - my husband said he did not know what he was looking for until he found me! We were living together after 3 weeks of meeting and are still together 18 years later - 14.5 of them married! Dunno about the same race - he is Welsh, I am English (that's a thread in itself).

[Englishbird]

Rampart, I think i'm going to cry! (in a good way)

Scarlett, maybe you're not 'marriageable' because you think you're not 'marriageable'.

I think Rampart is right to the extent that there are certain 'criteria' that have to be met on both sides, but again these are different for everyone.

Having had a horrendous long arduous relationship, one of my criteria is that my potential partner must not be an @rsehole. This may sound basic!, but it obviously wasn't one of my criteria the first time!!

I'd bet you have all the qualities that the right man for you is looking for. You can't fit a square peg in a round hole, you have to be yourself and start asking what they have to offer you, not the other way around.

It will happen honey, you can't compromise yourself in the meantime. I can't cook, don't iron, I'm untidy and generally always late. When I meet the right person, I'll want to learn to cook, I'll want to do his washing and look after him. And just hope that he's so enamoured with my spirit that he doesn't care about the clothes on the bathroom floor. x

[kick3m0n]

Rampart - such a lovely answer, and very honest of you. It made me quite emotional.

[Drusilla]

Very few of us have the qualities men seek in a wife, Scarlett, that's why we lie so well.

[andyjevs]

I think everyone is different. We all start relationships never knowing if they will last. That's what courtship is all about....selecting a suitable mate to hopefully carry your genes on to the next generation.

I never went looking for a "wife"....i met my current wife 12 years ago not long after splitting with my now ex wife. But it could've gone either way.

But we get on well, have a lovely daughter and have a good social life both together and with our own friends.

I think if you deliberately set out to look for particular qualities in a person, you'll be disappointed. As long as you get on well and have some common interests and some interests away from your partner, you can't go wrong.

[Grunty]

I do not believe that you are not marriageable, if anyone is. Your postings leave me with the impression that you are a very nice person. I suspect that you have been too sensible to marry the wrong man.

Having been through two divorces, I would say that the most important quality for a relationship is honesty. I would not have lied, and being lied to was what led to the end in one case. The other case involved dishonesty of a kind, but no details as I would not want to identify anyone.

Please believe me, there is a good man waiting to meet you.

[*ALFIE*]

i like women who are just simple, down to earth, honest and polite. I hate women who are out spoken and over confident - a real turn off ! As for appearance, i prefer brunettes with green or bluey eyes. Blondes are an acception in some cases as in golden blonde hair and not the the typical blonde. A nice meduim build with average height is fine with me.

I think prefer the dark sophisiticated looks, along the lines of Katie Melua, Kate Beckinsale and Rachel Stephens.

Yes, I know I sound ever so picky.............!

[kazza12345]

for me the connection on a spiritual level is the most important - your bumps have to fit his dents (in a metaphorical sense) and thats something you cant change, you just have to try until you find that person