The only worrying thing in what you say is "willpower". Normal people don't think "I haven't had a drink today; what willpower I have!" We who are alcoholics; and once you have been an active, practising, alcoholic, you always are , though many years free of alcohol; know the feeling. Alcohol is very insidious. We get to that early stage of thinking in terms of using willpower, which means that we'd really feel a bit better in ourselves if we could just have one drink.
Unfortunately, we gradually progress, as the feeling gets a bit stronger, to grabbing a drink when we can. And thereafter the progression is inevitable. We get to the stage when we actually feel ill when we haven't got a certain level of alcohol inside us. Outwardly, we pass as normal and function normally, perhaps for years like that, but there comes a time when the condition fully overcomes us
At least you are aware of this very early stage. I suggest that you contact Alcoholics Anonymous and find what they call "an open meeting". That's for people, anyone, who thinks they might have a bit of a problem. You don't have to say anything; just listen. You won't be alone; my AA branch in London has meetings with 300 attending every week! Most AA branches have a lot fewer than that. Some have introductory meetings, which are just that; for listening to someone who is years without drink but knows all about how alcoholism works.You can chat to them,too.