Humanist Funeral

[jake-the-peg]

It was my father's funeral yesterday - I don't recall him ever going into a church outside of weddings and funerals etc. so I arranged a humanist funeral.

Even though this was Oxford there was a distinct scarcity of humanist celebrants and we had a civil celebrant who was not herself a humanist but she did a very good job none the less.

She provided a framework and I wrote and delivered a tribute, I selected some of his favorite music and it all went off quite beautifully.

However this was obviously rare - the funeral director didn't realise and thought she was a vicar and when we went into the chapel the metre high wooden cross had been left on the table/altar

I didn't mind but it would have been nice for it to have just been put behind the table and some people might have been more put out.

It just struck me that if such a non-religous funeral was so unusual somewhere like Oxford is it even rarer elsewhere?

Ever been to one? how did it go?

[keyplus90]

Jake, I can't answer your question as I do not have any experience of that kind but I am sorry to hear about the death of your father. Parents are very important in the life of any son or daughter regardless of age or time.

[Jeza]

I'm sad for your loss Jake.

May I say, Mic has told me many times he does not want a funeral of any kind. No services, No people (not even me) just a black bag and the crem. It is likely that he will die before me, but who knows. If he does I don't have a clue how to carry out his wishes. Does anyone?

Jake I'm sorry if you are offended by my interrupting.

[naomi24]

Jeza, a visit to the local funeral director, tell him exactly what you've said here, and he will do the rest. I don't think the black bag will be a real option though, so you will have to pay for a coffin - and the services of the undertakers and the crematorium - but there is no requirement for any sort of a service or for mourners to be present.

[jake-the-peg]

Hey no interruption at all

These aren't things we often think about.

I think people who just want to be tossed away miss the point that funerals are for the living, not the dead to help people let go.

That's why I'd only leave suggestions not instructions - if they want to do something else that's fine.

Incidently I found this facinating if anybody fancies a burial at sea!

http://www.marinemanagement.org.uk/licensing/marine/activities/burial.htm

If you live on the IOW, by Newhaven or Tynmouth I think you will too!

[boxtops]

Jake, my condolences to you. I had a similar wish from my mother who was not Christian - but our local crem chapel just removed the crucifix and other religious emblems (they had a cupboard with the emblems of different faiths). It does need clarifying with the FD though, in advance.

I agree with naomi, jeza - it's worth going now to an FD just for an exploratory visit, to ask what's the simplest thing they are allowed to offer. You don't want to have to be doing it when you need it, far better to plan in advance.

Our solicitors hold details of our funeral requirements, and our final resting place, alongside our Wills.

[emmie]

so sorry for your loss... we had a humanist funeral for the o/h, he wasn't religious in any way, included his favourite classical pieces of music and lots of friends, family, it was a very tough day, time, but i am glad that it was done this way.

[keyplus90]

I would not like burial at sea...................I can't swim.

[jake-the-peg]

^ :c)

[naomi24]

//I would not like burial at sea...................I can't swim. //

I quite fancy a burial at sea. Always did like travelling ..... an arm in Barbados ... a leg in the Maldives .... sounds good to me. ;o)

[Jeza]

Naomi, thanks for your answer. I will do as stated but not til the time comes. After all It may be my turn first.

[naomi24]

Jeza, it comes to us all - but life is more important. :o)

[askyourgran]

I have been to two humanist funerals, they were both joyous occasions, smiles and music, no solemn prayers and hymns. The first was a lady friend who had been mugged and was never able to live unaided again. she arranged her own funeral with her sons help, music and memories and not until the very end did you realise that she had left you with a feeling of peace and love. The second my nephew who was beaten senseless by yobs on a night out. He lingered for two years before dying age 49. His younger brother arranged music and read of his memories of his brother, very moving. Both services conducted by people who loved them in life, not some vicar mouthing platitudes.

[ludwig]

Jake, I had to organise the funeral of a family member quite recently. The humanist option was made clear to us from the start by the funeral directors. There seemed nothing uncommon about it, so I'm surprised to hear of your experience.

The celebrant did an excellent job. He explained that he was a member of the humanist society, and they make celebrants available to funeral directors for this purpose. The whole thing went as well as it could have.

[paddywak]

Jake you're right about funerals being for the living,about 25 years ago a very good friend was killed in an accident at the pit.The vicar who did the service had gone to school with the deceased and knew him well and unlike most at most funerals could speak from the heart about incidents in the guys life we all could remember, they played his favourite songs and afterward we all went to the pub and had a few beers,talked about the old days and a good laugh.I've had some funny looks when I tell people one of the best days I've ever had was at a funeral but it's true, its not how you bury the deceased it's how you remember them that counts.