How Do You Cope ?

[flump1]

Being in the company of people you really don't like ? My step daughter has taken up with the town pig...she is 17 and he is 23, he has a child and has abused that child resulting in hospital treatment for the little one. The pig is going to court about it all. He also has more than one allegation of rape against him...yet the step daughter thinks the sun shines out of him. She is bringing him to our house tomorrow and I really don't want to be here. But I have to be ...so how would you cope ?

[DTCwordfan]

the neutral ground may make a lot of sense - just to allow you, flumpy, to get a look at the lay of the landscape before inviting him home.

[askyourgran]

I have a friend who was in a similar position as you. He had split from his wife and his daughter lived with her mother, stepfather and two younger step children. The pig in question was a jack the lad who put himself around and had four or five children by different women and he liked the drugs. He was in his 3o's and his reputation was well known, he had no job, the friend's daughter was 17 she has been well brought up, both parents care about her welfare but no amount of pleading from both of them made any difference. She left home and lived with this person and now has a little girl. He has moved on to someone else. Now she has got herself a parttime job and a council flat she is seeing her parents and grandparents regularly. A lot of heartache but at least the pig has moved on and she has no contact with him.

[Fusion5]

Why is she bringing him to your house, is it for a meal ? How long has she been seeing him ? my biggest fear would be if she gets pregnant.

[flump1]

She is brining him here to meet her family , Dad, brother sister and me . She has only been seeing him about a month , he doesn't work , she does.

[hc4361]

Putting your foot down won't help in the slightest.
Your stepdaughter is young and single minded. This man will be playing on her emotions - you're the only one I can rely on; you're the only one that understands - everyone else is against me; it is so beautiful you can see the real me; I really love you, you know I could never hurt anyone; I promise.....; how come you can see the real me when everyone else can't....

Turning against him without meeting him will only prove to her that he is right - the whole world is against the man she loves (or believes she does).

Seeing him in her home environment may open her eyes to reality. Far better for you and her dad to know what you are up against and hopefully to subtly show him for what he is.

Too many hot headed 17 year old girls leave home for love because their parents are against the relationship, and it's not always the sort of girl you'd expect. It can be the quiet, shy, introvert girl who is flattered to be getting so much attention; it can the in your face extrovert who pretends she doesn't give a damn what you think.

I would suggest you welcome him in to your home, be friendly. Accompany your step daughter to 'support' him in court if the relationship is still going at that time. Let her hear all the evidence not accusations from you or her dad.

With a bit of luck he'll be history in a few weeks and she'll have moved on.

Good luck, you're between a rock, a hard place and a soft heart.

[ELVIS68]

Difficult situation, if you question him about his past and denies it all, then what?
If he admits it which I doubt he will, what would you and her father do?

If you turn against him the daughter may still side with him and cut herself off from her family.
Hopefully you can all make her aware of what she is getting involved in and she will see sense.
Best of luck x