Seperation

[feebletoe1492]

hi..i have just separated from my wife and i am devastated..it was a bolt from the blue and i never saw it coming. i love her to bits and she says she doesnt love me like she used to..although we are very friendly .No one else is involved. I want to win her back. We have decided to continue to live together. We have a blended family which has put pressure on her emotions..all the children are teenagers..one is always in trouble at school... I need tips to woo her back. any ideas?

[Nini74]

It sounds as though this is very recent, so I would start by trying to give her a bit of space for a little while - try not to put pressure on her to get back together, although make it clear to her that that's what you want. I would start by asking her to talk to you about what went wrong, what you did wrong (if anything) - did she feel that you didn't help and support enough? did she feel you went out too much/stopped her going out? any of the usual problems relationships have. But first step is let her know you love her but respect her decision and will give her some space....i'm really sorry to hear you're going through this by the way, and I hope things work out for the best for you both x

[murraymints]

I agree...give her a bit of breathing space...in a few weeks try a dinner out...and talk...

[loulou111]

i presume you are no longer living together. Go back to basics try dating again. Treat it like you have first met and woo her. But if her mind is made up and she has decided the relationship has come to an end, then at least you say shes friendly so you can build a great friendship.

[feebletoe1492]

thanks guys...we are still living together...even in the same bedroom...but big boundary changes are in place...atm...we dont take this lightly we have been together ten years....it seems to have got worse since my son moved in ..but hes hardly here...i have told her that i accept her decision, that i also probably deserve it..."not actively listening to her needs,taking for granted etc"and have apologised for being a man ...(bloody useless at noticing the signs) and my heart will remain open for her return...

[joko]

yes give her space, she needs to see what life will be like without you

[Connemmara]

My friend's brother was living with his girl and they have split up resulting in friend's brother back living with her - however, since they split up apparently they are getting on great being apart - give her some space and it will sort itself out.

[feebletoe1492]

still living together but making her responsible for her kids food,washing,etc...just to empower her to take her own life and take stock..im responsible for myself and sons food.....everything else is running as normal...keep putting foot in it , saying wrong things...wife is disengaging..not very communicative..shes in bed off work off work sick!

[joko]

you will just irritate her if you keep on at her - leave her be - play the long game

when she has had time to think, she will only then be receptive to taking you back - if you keep trying to talk and telling her how things shoudl be etc she will just get irked


one mistake people make in this situation is trying to tell the other person what they should think and feel and whats best for them - and say stuff like - you wont find anyone better - or accusing stuff like - how can you do this to me?

all this does it make them feel bad and negative about it all, and as though they are wrong for thinking for themselves - because you cant help how you feel - trying to guilt someone into going back to you is not good.

you must make her WANT to be around you - inspire her desire for you again - she wont if you constantly go on about it all and make her uncomfortable with what you perceive as thought provoking comments designed to stir her heart - she will just get
exasperated.

be light, understanding and above all fun - show her how great you are and how good it is to be in your company.