Not Much Of A Question

[queenofmean]

I guess I'm looking for a bit of closure or help understanding someones actions.

I met a guy about 5 years ago and we spoke everyday and he became my best friend in a way was always there through good times and bad and could always have a laugh and could talk about anything. His ex was a bit of a psycho and I was not interested and never had been interested in him at all but she was messaging his new girl spreading rumours that he has been doing this and that behind her back (I don't in any way think it was about me) Last night though out of the blue he texts me and says 'I no longer want to be friends as it will ruin my relationship with my gf etc' this is days after he said he see's me as his little sister and wouldn't let anything come in between us. I was devastated but what could I do. I am not a threat as I have said I am not interested and he lives in Manchester. Could his ex's meddling brought this on? Deep down I am bothered a little but if that's how he wants it then that's ok - is it harsh of me to say that if he comes running back saying he made a mistake can I tell him is a little too late?

[Old_Geezer]

Such a question from someone who is queen of mean !

My guess is that his gf has said something and he's reassessed priorities. Why would he come running back ? As a boyfriend or a friend ? Seems to me if you would prefer to move on then do so. It's your life choice, but chances are the situation won't arise barring some major change for him. So tell him whatever you wish.

[boxtops]

If he's a true friend then he's reassessing his priorities, and realising that some partners can't handle their OH having a friend of the opposite sex. Sad, but true. I'd response saying " understand your position, but if it ever changes, feel free to make contact again". He's a friend, not a lover, so IMO the running back scenario doesn't really apply - and friendships do move on and come and go.

[Maydup]

Agree with Boxie, don't stand in the way of his relationships, but be there for him when he needs you. He'll be back believe me, and he'll be there when you need him too. Just needs to show the GF that he loves her rightnow.

[grasscarp]

You say that you are not now and ever were interested in him. In that case why be bothered. He may have been given an ultimatum by gf to stop the relationship with you as she sees you as a threat. You have enjoyed his company for 5 years. If one day he makes contact and wants to be your 'friend" again, see how you feel when that day comes. Dont give him grief or ultimatums now. I typed all this without looking what other people had said, but now I have, I would agree (as I usually do) with Boxtops.

[Psybbo]

Again, I agree with Boxy, queenie and love your avatar.

[mccfluff]

i have a male friend who is in and out of my life depending on the girlfriend/wife at the time, some are happy we have a friendship, some are not and we tend not to be in contact them. I'm not bothered and just see him whenever

[jno]

what boxtops says. the new gf sounds a trifle jealous, so it's possible he may be in need of friends some day.

[queenofmean]

Thank you for your replies. It has helped me a lot. I don't understand other women at times. I have always really been one of the boys. If I had wanted to be with him I would have done something about it by now but I don't see him that way. I shall keep his number in my phone but there will come a time when I will remove it and leave it up to him to get in touch. I do have other friends but we just had this great friendship and will be hard to let it go, but once again thank you for helping me shed some light on this a little better.

[2sp_]

QoF, I find that some women are deeply suspicious of girls who are "one of the boys". Some women find it difficult to believe that another woman could be friends with their boyfriend/husband and not have designs on them.

I've lost close male friends in similar circumstances. It is very sad, but you will get past it.

[queenofmean]

Thank you 2sp - I was brought up around boys there is only 18 months between my cousin and myself and I always used to play with them and was even included when we grew to teenagers. At least 3 of my male friends in my teenage years said you are just one of the boys - just a girly guy.

I know I will get passed it it will just take a wee bit of time

[2sp_]

It's horrible, especially when you know that there is nothing romantic going on.

I had a really close male friend, and his wife was obsessed that something was going on. In fact she was bad mouthing me the week before my own wedding, saying that I had a thing for her husband. They were both invited to the wedding, not awkward at all...

So, over the last few years I've seen less and less of him and I really miss him. Occasionally he will text, but I know he only does it when she is at work. We do still see each other from time to time as he is actually related to Mr P.

It's not the same though. All because she couldn't get her head round him having a female friend. Mr P had no issue at all with us being friends.

[queenofmean]

Aww that's quite harsh 2sp but at least you do get to see him now and again.

I guess these things are set to try us

[pixie373]

I agree, she sounds quite insecure and possessive. I have male friends who i only see on and off, depending on who they are with at the time. I think you have two choices- make friends with the girlfriend or wait until it's finished/she relaxes and he will contact you.

[queenofmean]

His ex tried to stop him talking to me but he put his foot down with her. But if he wants to talk Pixie balls in his court now if he wants/needs me he knows where I am

[pixie373]

Good for you. I hope he appreciates it!