Spousal Maintenance

[NikJak]

My partner left his wife last year after a decade of infidelity on her part. They had a good lifestyle due mostly to his mother who died 2 years ago and apart from what's left of an inheritance they are now both earning a similar mediocre income although do have property which is mortgage free. She had worked for the last 10-15 years but gave up work when he left her although she has recently started again and says that she can fend for herself now.

They are splitting everything 50/50 as the children left home a long while ago. She is adamant thought that he is responsible for keeping her and the house for the last year while she was "unable" to work. She has spent a fair amount during that time including a holiday for her and a mate to Cuba, unnecessary house renovations which my partner didn't sanction and has been unable to gain access to their house because she had the locks changed immediately.

She's never been a kept woman and has always worked - will he really have to give about £30k for her year off? He always managed to drag himself into work when she was having affairs!

[boxtops]

why should he - what were the terms on which they split? was it documented, that she would stay in the house, but who would be responsible for maintenance, bills, etc.? This is the sort of thing which it's essential to agree at the time of the initial separation - and too late now, but one reason why me and my ex had a separation order drawn up at that point, to identify exactly who was going to do and get what during the separation period.

[murraymints]

I'd tell her to bog off and get the house on the market pdq !

[NikJak]

Unfortunately they didn't draw anything up at the time. He was reluctant to upset her more than he had - I'm a woman and I could tell that she was not upset - she was really angry that her gravy-train life had hit the buffers and she had no one to blame but herself! She stripped the joint account out within 4 weeks - he didn't think she would so he didn't check for a while. He is a bit naive TBH. But he had the statements and to be fair she is happy to use the original account balances to work out the 50/50 split. She told him this week that she's been "led to believe" that he is responsible for her and the house even though he wasn't there. I think part of the problem is that in her circle of friends there are a few ex-wives of very rich men who never worked and have had generous payments to reflect their reduced ability to make their own money - but this is not the case for her I don't think.

[mccfluff]

tell him to get a good divorce lawyer

[murraymints]

I repeat...bog off dear.....here's the estate agent !

[FredPuli43]

So they are not divorced? Your friend has to get a divorce. Otherwise there is no end to this. He has more than enough for that. She has no right to exclude him from his own property even if it is in joint names; he could get an injunction compelling her to give him a key or face jail, but it shouldn't come to that.A swift letter from a solicitor will solve that if a polite request doesn't. In the meantime,offer her nothing.

[themas]

I agree with Fred. He must petition for divorce & the financial split will have to be worked out as part of it - including whether she has any right to have been subsidised for 12 months just because she didn't feel like working.

[factor-fiction]

I don't think issues of infidelity would be regarded as relevant.

[ummmm]

Isn't it grounds for divorce?

[factor-fiction]

I meant in terms of deciding who gets what/pays what, ummmm

[EDDIE51]

Just a small point, the ONLY grounds for divorce now are ' irretrievable breakdown of the relationship'.
'Blame' and 'whose fault' do not enter into the calculation.
I also add ''get a good lawyer!'' do it first thing tomorrow morning! he needs to get the divorce in progress .