Do Social Networking Websites Cause Depression?

[naomi24]

I’ve been doing a bit of research, and it would appear so. An enthusiastic ’Facebooker’ with lots of Facebook ‘friends’, seems to have become completely disinterested in interacting with the real world. She is wealthy, physically healthy, has a lovely family of grown-up children and little grandchildren, and really doesn’t have a worry in the world, but she does nothing much except sit all day with rubbish television, and the laptop. Housework is neglected, she doesn’t cook, or shop, and all her hobbies (she’s a clever lady) have been abandoned. She’s always had problems with ‘anxiety’, and has taken medication for years to combat it, but whilst she was sociable and enjoyed parties, theatre, etc., she is now isolating herself from society completely. She rarely leaves the house, and won’t have visitors – even family. She has gone from a fun, bright, sociable lady to one who seems to wallow in gloom, in the past, in criticism of everything, in self-pity, and more recently, has been in a state of considerable distress because someone on Facebook (who she doesn’t know) has ‘unfriended’ her for being critical. Her husband, who is out at work all day, is in despair. I speak to her on the phone and by email every day, and she seems ok – but she’s not. Every suggestion is dismissed – there’s always an excuse for not trying something – and her problems are always someone else’s fault. Her doctor offered counselling – she went twice and said the counsellor was stupid. She’s very ‘touchy’, so I hesitate to suggest to her that she forget Facebook for a while to see how she gets on without it – she’d never consider that it could, at least, be part of her problem. Has anyone else experienced anything like this – and if so, do you have any answers? We are at our wits end really.

[naomi24]

Thanks so much for all your answers – believe it or not, much of what you’ve said I can relate to – but as Boxy indicates, some of us are not good at baring our souls. No one is pressurising her – she’s too ‘touchy’ for that. I only wish she would go out just for a little while, as Flump suggests – but she won’t. She tells her husband she goes for a walk every day, but he knows she doesn’t – and I’ve suggested she seek psychiatric help but she says she’s seen a psychiatrist and ‘it didn’t work’. (I know she hasn’t – her husband wants to pay privately if it will help, but she refuses to go).

She is in a dark place, and I know (again from personal experience) that the only person who can really help her is herself, but she doesn’t acknowledge that. There is no joy in her life; she criticises everything and everyone. In her mind, her problems are created by unavoidable events, such as deaths in the family, and by other people. For example, she doesn’t drive but won’t get in her husband’s car because they had a near miss once a long time ago and now, suddenly, she says she doesn’t trust his driving skills – which gives her a reason not to go. She was fine before she joined Facebook, but since then she has gradually deteriorated. It has become her life – she is obsessed with it – and having looked at her ‘page’, it appears to be the only place she has anything happy to say. She chats away there as she used to in real life. She tells me she can’t find any interest in anything apart from that. She doesn’t read books any more, has no hobbies or interests any more, has abandoned her friends, won’t go out, watches little evening television, and falls asleep on the sofa early most evenings often staying there until 8 in the morning when the computer goes on again along with the television for the daytime gossip shows. She’s definitely unwell – after refusing all invitations, she spent three days curled in a chair crying over Christmas – maybe because her Facebook ‘friends’ had other things to do. I don’t know. Helping her to find the impetus to begin to help herself is the real problem. I turn it all over in my mind trying to find some new words of encouragement – but I’m running out of words. I suppose I’m looking for ideas really.

Linzi, thank you. I have said I think she’s spending too much time on Facebook, and I’ve been trying to think of a way to say that it’s controlling her life – but it’s not easy when someone instantly rejects every suggestion.

Baby_Sham, she sees her GP regularly for her medication. He organised counselling for her recently, but as I said, she went twice and decided the counsellor was ‘stupid’, so that’s the end of that.

Flump, I’m not on Facebook. This lady is a family member who has been an important part of my life forever. I talk to her practically every day.

Pixie, I’m rapidly reaching the conclusion that she doesn’t want it to change – but that’s a symptom of her illness I suspect. I hate to say it, but I’m beginning to think that this is rather more than depression. I’m seriously starting to fear for her future.

Boxy, thanks for the offer of a throwaway email address – you’re very kind. Incidentally, it might surprise you – and others - to know that at one time it used to take me about 5 hours to muster the courage to go to Asda – then two minutes away – and often I didn’t get there – so I’m not unsympathetic. Quite the opposite.

[Mamyalynne]

Naomi, most people have said exactly what I would have said - this lady is obviously very special to you and it must hurt you greatly to think of her now joyless existence.

Why not try putting it in a letter, tell her of your love and concern and how you wish she could be as happy and full of creativity as she once was. If you are near enough, maybe offer to go to lunch or similar.

Depression is a dark and lonely place and of course sites give you the anonymity to put on a 'face' , what we forget is that others are doing it too - their wonderful lives may simply be their way of coping - so the circle turns.

I hope she can find some help and it is wonderful to read how much you care.

[LinziMissy]

There sounds like there is much more to it than I initially thought. Stay positive! You have done as much as you can for now. She will come to her senses and get out of this dark place eventually. I hate to sound cliche, but probably when she get's to her lowest point. Nobody can carry on like that forever. You are doing a fantastic job of just being there for her and I'm sure you will continue to be there when she really, really needs you.

[boxtops]

Thanks for the update and insight, naomi.

The point of "coming to her senses" may not come for this lady, though - I used to be appalled when unthinking/not understanding people told me to "pull myself together" - you just can't, there is no perception of life beyond the day to day existence, and the thought of changing the daily pattern is terrifying in its possibilities. I got to the stage where I had to make a list of all the tasks I had to do each day, to make sure they got done, to the detail of washing up, or feeding the cat, or washing my hair (which I didn't do often, why would it matter?). Those were grey days indeed.

I hope her husband has the sort of insight you do, naomi - is there any way that you could show him this thread? I was lucky that my then OH stood by me, although I must have been hell on wheels to live with.

[naomi24]

Boxy, I know exactly what you’re saying.

Thank you so much for listening everyone – and for all the good advice. At least I feel I’ve got it off my chest a bit – and you’ve given me plenty of food for thought. Thank you.