Thank You Bob Monkhouse

[marval]

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.


I remember when safe sex was a padded headboard.


I tend to sleep in the nude. Which isn't a bad thing except for maybe on those long flights.


My wife said: "Can my mother come down for the weekend?" So I said "Why?" and she said Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already."


A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded "Take me to the canaries."


What's a geriatric? A German footballer scoring three goals.


My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.


I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer


Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money.


My father was ruined by hard drink - he sat on an icicle.

[Khandro]

They laughed at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian; well they're not laughing now!

[Wharton]

All funny marval :-). I remember him saying "When I told everyone when I grew up I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. They're not laughing now".

[Wharton]

Sorry Khandro - you weren't there when I posted and I'm very slow at typing :-)

[excelsior-1]

' i got home from a week on tour one day to find the wife tied to the bed naked --- "we've been learning some new tick, haven't we" i said

"we've been robbed, you idiot" she replied'

[excelsior-1]

(tick?)

tricks

[paulllambert]

I went out with an older woman once. Much, much older than me. In fact, when I told her to act her age, she died!!!