Uti's In Men. Sqad Help!

[ethelburga]

How do I start! I've been seeing a married man for the past 7 years. I'm now 70, widowed, and he's 75.

Two years ago he had a biopsy for prostrate check, and resulted in a major infection, in hospital on antibiotic drip etc.

And a few weeks ago he saw his urologist for a check up and a few days later told me he had got flu.. Fever, groggy etc. And nearly a week later it turned worse. He saw a doctor who wanted to admit him to hospital but no beds ....but did go in next day for 48 hrs on drip. And then further antibiotic for a few weeks.

Anyway, when he was recovering he managed to tell me rather bluntly that most Utis are caused by sexual activity. My retort was ' so you are blaming me !'

I reckoned that it must stem from the visit to the urologist. Prior to that visit, a week earlier, we had been together for a few days and had normal,enjoyable conventional sex. So if I was somehow the culprit of causing the infection, it blew itself up a full week later.

And don't be cynical, anyone reading this .. He has no sexual intimacy with his wife only me! Aren't I lucky!

But, as I see him rarely and keep in touch via text most days, it upset me that he is deep down blaming me, and would like a doctor to comment. Obviously I have looked the whole thing up on the net.

So hope someone, Sqad, I hope, will give a balanced reply or two, explain and would be nice to have my mind put vaguely to rest. Thanks anyone ......

[Zacs-Master]

I think you're both jumping (pardon the pun) to the conclusion that the UTI was caused thru sex. There is still a possibility that it wasn't.

[Prudie]

Show him the iternet. UTIs can be caused by all sorts of things unrelated to sexual activity. I got one from the catheter during childbirth and certainly not from sex (although arguably that was the root cause!) Is he getting mixed up with STDs?

[Sqad]

Having a relationship with a married man in your time of life.......is normal.
UTI,s in men of that age are not uncommon and usually due prostate problems.
STD.s are not the commonest cause of UTI's in men....he is wrong.

I agree with the above posts.

[Eve]

Well, I can't speak for being a man but I have had some kidney issues and a fair few UTIs on and off over the past few years and I can assure you, none of them were sex related.

I can't say for his case, of course, but it's a UTI, not an STD that you mention and not all UTIs are sex related.

[woofgang]

In older people, of both genders, UTI's can "just happen" If he has prostate symptoms (or even if he doesn't) he may not be drinking enough or he may not be emptying his bladder fully when he pees, or both and both or either can predispose to a UTI, as can things like peeing with dirty hands, eg while gardening and so on. I don't mean in the garden lol I mean needing a wee and handling ones self with dirty hands from gardening.
Frankly and I don't mean this nastily, the urinary tract and bladder problems that are linked to sex are linked to....how can I put this.....extremely frequent and vigorous sex....which I doubt would be an issue in your cases.

[ethelburga]

Thanks so much everyone for replying. I think the bladder not full emptying could be true . Last time I saw him I was surprised that he had to stop the car and have a pee.
I also have a theory about older women and Utis.

That is, and I am aware personally, that the message to empty my bladder is no where near as strong as when younger ...so I at times have to remind myself to go.

Oh well happy days. He is the love of my life, a bit of a hypochondriac so it all adds up. I do feel that I am not to blame!

After all, wouldn't I have developed something too?

But to put it into his perspective, he's had two of these horrible does, and I get the impression that he is frightened of having sex for fear of it reoccurring. I've told him that ... Well, it's obvious there are 'other ways and means ...aren't there, not tt put too fine a point on it!

Thanks again.

[Sqad]

ethelburga....nice to hear a woman of some years having a sensible and realistic attitude to sex both extramarital and otherwise.

[pixie373]

I know many elderly men who have had UTIs without being sexually active.

[pixie373]

Sorry, didn't refresh thread before replying!

[anneasquith]

I think you/he are confusing uti with std