Please Help Me Xx

[CallieH]

I have two daughters aged 13 and 11. The eldest has turned evil. She is so horrible to me that it makes me cry. The worst is that she physically attacks her sister all the time and has broken so many of my things out of spite I'm going mad. Their dad left us a few years ago and I thought I was doing well but now I feel like a failure. No matter what I do, they don't listen to me, respect me or respect any other adult that speaks to them. I know it's my fault, does anyone have any advice on how I can fix it

[carolegif]

She's a teenager, all angst and raging hormones. Try and have a quiet chat with her and let her know that her behaviour is unacceptable and making you and her sister miserable.
You have to put your foot down, give some tough love. Don't let her see it upsets you.

[losgigs]

Do you know how she behaves at school? There may be a teacher or head of year you could speak to who could advise you. Don't blame yourself - many teenagers act disrespectfully to their elders. They are just trying to assert themselves. It's a phase which hopefully she will come through but it is hard for the parent(s) to deal with. Good luck.

[soapnumpty]

Could you try talking to her when she is calmer and see if she will open up to you? She is probably angry about her dad leaving. Does she still see him? If not, could this be arranged? Teenagers can be very spiteful though and have mood swings due to all the hormone changes and things going on. Dont blame yourself. Maybe there is something going on at school that is making her unhappy. It must be very tough for you raising them on your own. Could the three of you have a nice day out together?

[woofgang]

There are things apart from hormones that can make a child do this. The two which spring immediately to mind are abuse or drug use. Can i suggest that you go to your doctor and get some advice?

[Purple_Popple]

You must get her to open up to you and talk with you about why she is so angry all the time. Keep trying her every so often calmly talk to her and tell her you love her too and you are there for her no matter what. She is being like this to get your attention albeit in a very odd way - do you perhaps favour your younger daughter ?

[Butterbun]

Drinking could be one of the causes too. A friend went through this with her daughter, started when her periods came on. It was pure hell for her for a few months then she calmed down, stopped drinking cider, she didn't do any drugs. She buckled down, passed her exams and is now one of the most sensible persons you could meet, bright and cheerful and real good company for her mom. It's a phase that some girls go through, so I'm sure your girl will too. Be brave, tough times are worse when it's you alone dealing with the problem.

[Buenchico]

Suggestion 1: Look for opportunities to praise your daughter and ensure that you always take them. (Yes, I know that it might be hard to find such opportunities but one will come along sooner or later).

Suggestion 2: Stay calm and don't 'react'. If she shouts "I hate you!", the response she'll be expecting will be "and I hate you too" shouted back. If you calmly say "Well that's a pity because I love you very much" you might start to get through to her.

Suggestion 3: Try to find some activities that you can do as a family, such as going to a leisure pool together but . . .

Suggestion 4: Remember that, at the age of 13, your friends are a billion times more important to you than your family are. Make sure that she's allowed to bring her friends home and perhaps recognise her need for independence by offering to pay for her and a friend to go to the cinema without you.

[Cloverjo]

I think everyone has given good advice here, especially Buenchico.
One day, she will suddenly think about how horrible she has been and will blub on your shoulder and beg for forgiveness. Teenage girls are horrible, I'm afraid. Just love her as best you can and know that it will end.

[ummmm]

You need to be firmer. If any of my children showed such a lack of respect towards me I would punish them.

I agree with losgigs...get in touch with the school regarding her behaviour there.

Do they have contact with their father?

[Sycamore3House]

My daughter went through a time like this. Similar circumstances split family, teenage hormones. Although it upset me I stood my ground. She was so bad she became comical. As this was the wrong reaction she wanted she gradually came out of it. Took about a year for her to go back to normal. She did eventually admit how bad she had been at about the grand old age of 15. She is now 22 and still apologises when reminiscing for being horrible and what she put us all through.

[barba]

You can't lose your temper, you can't show them they make you upset or angry. You must stay brave. It's imporant because she is also checing how much she can do in front of you. If you let her does everything she wants, because you will feel upset and will not react on your behaviour, it will go worst and worst. Try to talk with their teachers or go with them to doctor. If you can't do this, maybe the third person will be able to help you.