Girlfriend And Her Kids

[paul 1]

Hi there,

Your advice would be most welcome. Been seeing this girl for nearly 2 years and she has 2 girls aged 8 and 10. To cut a long story short, i met the girls and we got on great and they wanted me to go on holiday with them last summer. 3 days before the holiday she told me the flame had gone between us but i still went on holiday with them but was treated lke an out cast so i flew back after 5 days. We saw each other a few times last year and i started to get on with my life. Over the last few months she has made it obvious she wants to get back together, but she always says her kids come first which i fully understand. She only has time for when it is convinent for her. She does not want to tell her kids she is back with with me. What am i supposed to do...hang around for her or get on with my life? Thx you

[Buenchico]

Imagine that you were married to the lady and the father of her children. Most married couples with children might go out with the kids quite often (e.g. to a leisure centre or to McDonalds) but the vast majority of couples with kids don't go out on their own more than about once a month (and some don't even manage to get out without the kids even that often).

From what you've written it sounds as if she'd be happy to accept you into her life on a similar basis but she simply hasn't got the time (and has no desire to find the time) for 'regular dating'. If such an arrangement suits you, go for it. If not, steer well clear.

[sinderella]

Run away.She is using you.You deserve better

[grasscarp]

Paul you sound like a really nice guy. She on the other hand sounds quite manipulative. You cant invite someone on holiday and then basically say you dont want them there and treat them badly when they do come. What she is doing and saying now is also quite selfish. I would not hang around waiting - for what? Her to change? The children to leave home. No, life is all to short so find someone who appreciates you much more than this lady does.

[Cloverjo]

I agree with the others. It doesn't sound fair to me. It seems you have got on with your life anyway, so carry on and don't listen to her.

[murraymints]

Ditto ^^^ she wants to have her cake and eat it !! Move on ....Good luck..

[berniecuddles]

spanish archer! paul ELbow!

[Maydup]

Turn your head, hold it high and walk away. Don't be tempted to look back even for a minute, life is ahead of you not behind you, enjoy it,

[anneasquith]

I think for you it would be best to step away from this relationship.

[ummmm]

Maybe the kids were upset when you two split up and she doesn't want to put them through it again.

[Baldric]

Walk away now, you know it makes sense!
Good luck

[Peter Pedant]

give up, call it a day and move on.

[Dee Sa]

Paul I agree with the others you sound like a really nice guy, you have already been hurt once by this lady what she did on the holiday was cruel & nasty, walk away, you deserve much better, find a nice lady and one day have kids of your own. Good luck.

[Peaspeculiars]

Paul, I wish you all the luck finding a partner who will give you their time and treat you with love and respect rather than the uncertainty that this lady has shown you. She is not ready for a relationship and understandably she has other priorities at the moment. The way she treated you when you made the effort to attend the holiday on platonic terms was neither nice nor respectful.
You haven't mentioned how you feel and what you want? Are you still keen to persue this relationship? Would you be interested in being second best for a while and dropped like a glove again?
Learn from the past, take a deep breath and move forward. Love comes when you least expect it, so don't tie yourself to something that will not work long term.
If you can't look at her and imagine looking into those same eyes in fifty years time, then she's not the one.

[pusskin]

Dont wait to get hurt again Paul. Go out and enjoy your freedom and wait for the next life of your life to make you feel lots happier.