What Should I Do About My Living Situation?

[GeorgiaSpeaks]

Hello there, I'm in seventh grade and turned thirteen about a month ago. My parents fight (never physically) and my mom told me they were getting divorced. But they told me that 6 years ago and nobody has moved at all. My dad used to drink a lot but he stopped after my school guidance counselor stepped in, about 3-5 months ago. My mom has serious anger problems and it's started to make me want to run away from home. She yells a lot, as early as 5:30 in the morning. I don't know anybody who has parents that do this. She makes me feel bad because she'll start going on and on about how she can't do it all herself, which makes sense but I try, too.

My little brother (let's call him Joe) has a learning disability and he has trouble in school. He's relatively immature for his age, being eleven and whining a lot (which the doctors say isn't related to his disability). My mom says that I'm a good big sister but in that same breath she screams at me to shut up and leave him alone.
My Grandma died in 2009 on January 2nd and I really think that pushed her over the edge. All she did was sleep for about 8 months after my Grandma was gone. Our house got messy. It's over a century old so it was imperative that we didn't let it go, but we did.

It's messy but not as bad as Hoarders: Buried Alive.

I've never had the luxury of having friends over. The closest thing to that was when my neighbor and I sat on the back porch drinking lemonade. I was so happy I legitimately cried.

From kindergarten through fifth grade I went to Catholic school and I got bullied/ignored/didn't fit in at all the whole time. I told a kid in second grade when I found out my parents were getting divorced and he got up on the table at lunch and yelled out "GEORGIA LEE'S PARENTS ARE GETTING DIVORCED AND IT'S ALL HER FAULT!".

My mom constantly tells me how much she hates the music I like (Nirvana, Foo Fighters, alternative rock from 80s-now), and that really irritates me. She's always telling me how she's the adult and can do whatever she wants like that part in Matilda.

A thirteen years old I'm unsure of my sexuality. I think I might be bisexual and I know I like girls. I have to lie to my family on my mom's side because they're Catholic and were raised to think homosexuality of any sort is demonic.

I have to lie to them every day of the year when they ask if I like anyone.

When I go to my mom about stuff like that she says "I'm so glad I'm not a moody teenager anymore."

None of my friends are in the same boat because either they're straight or they're parents don't care if their child is not.

The new guidance counselor (the other one was a sub) tells me to just get over it and nothing's going to change.

I really struggle with everything going on and I'm constantly in a state of paranoia that everyone will leave me. I have anxiety issues and my confidence fluctuates. I get really angry and I'll rip up paper if I have it. Kids at school call me a psycho and think I'm weird. The kids I sit with at lunch say I'm being selfish because it isn't as bad as it could be and that just makes me feel worse.

This is one of my last resorts. I can't go to any other counselor because the only one sides with my mom. People tell me it's just hormones and they dismiss everything in my life. They think they know me. I hate school and I hate being at home. It was getting better but it went down again.

I will NEVER commit suicide, cut or anything like that, though I occasionally scratch my forearms (not on the palm side).

So really.... What do I do? Sorry that took so long to write...

[Postdog]

Well you wrote a lot and clearly you are troubled.

someone may come along and offer advice, but I think it is only fair to point out this is primarily a UK site, and as such some advice or opinions may not be relevant as you are clearly not in the UK.

might be an idea to try to find a forum nearer home.

good luck

[denquiz]

You might want to talk to the Social Services in your state - it might be called Child Protective Services (it varies from state to state, I believe) - you should be able to find their number in the phone book or on the web. They are there to help you. If you feel that your mom is emotionally abusing you with her serious anger problems, you might want to phone the US ChildHelp hotline for further advice:1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) or look at their website. Good luck, I hope you find the help and support that you want.