Having 'the talk'

[Morrisonker]

Now I know this is probably a judgement call but I thought I'd ask anyways. How long should you wait after you start seeing someone before you have teh talk - the one that establishes what kind of relationship you have? I've been seeing a guy for about 10 days, doesn't sound like much but we've seen each other every day and he talks alot about stuff we'll do in a few weeks or months time. I don't want to assume that it means he's my boyfriend, but I'm getting quite attached and I want to find outbefore I run the risk of getting hurt. Also, he's 26 and I'm 20, I'm wondering if there's an age difference thing when it comes to this stuff.

feel free to mock me, I know it sounds kinda pathetic :P

[sammd]

Everyone's different but i'd say give him a couple of weeks yet. You don't want to scare him off. Not sure if everyone else agrees?

[lady_p_gold]

When I first read this I read it as 'ten years' and I was going to reply that it was about time you talked a bit more seriously !! What is happening is that you are feeling totally besotted and you want him to be yours forever, we have all felt like that ..... but just try and let it flow naturally ... if its right it will stay right !!

[Morrisonker]

thanks, thats what i was thinking. A few more weeks and I'll try and talk to him about it. At least I can be fairly sure he's not seeing other people, I'm dominating all his spare time ;)

[undercovers]

sorry i'm confuzzled ... but then again i'm a bloke so relationship advice doesn't really come naturally ... what exactly do you want to "talk" about? all sounds a bit strange to me, if your happy and he seems happy then why need to talk about the future - just let it happen, if he starts seeing other people it isn't because you didn't talk about whether that was the "deal" or not it was simply because he wasn't all that serious about you...

i kinda just assumed by girlfriend was my girlfriend - i don't think i discussed it and would have been a bit stranged out if she had ... i just asked though and she confirmed that she was indeed my girlfriend (and has been for about 5 years... she is now suspects i'm a bit funny in the head)

[asteroid99]

I know where you are coming from with this one, but I think calling it "the talk" makes it sound a bit dramatic. I tend to agree with lady and undercovers, just go with the flow. If you continue spending time together and enjoying each others company you'll get to the stage where it isn't even an issue. Maybe just gradually be more affectionate with him, I don't know how your relationsip is, but try snuggling up, holding hands, ("girlfriendy" type things) if you don't already do so, and see what his reaction is.

[nannon]

we wouldnt mock you!! i knew my bloke for about 2 weeks vaugely cuz we worked together and we went out for a drink and got totally hammered and ended up discussing what we wanted - but we just clicked and both knew that this was gonna be good... he brought it up and i was a bit "oh my god this is v.fast and .v.crazy" but it also felt right. I would like to say that was 10 years ago and we're very happy but its only been 6/7weeks but we're happy!!! also - the age gap thing - thats not that big - i'm 22 and hes 17years older than me!!!!! Just do what feels right for you! x

[gessoo]

Just

[gessoo]

Just go with the flow. Why do you have to have a talk about things? You will both know automatically how you feel about each other after a while. Talking about things seems a bit false to me. It would have certainly put me off someone if they planned to do this. In time, if the relationship is good, it will feel natural to talk about your feelings.

Relax and enjoy yourself and good luck! x

[littlemissx]

i dont like the idea of having "the talk".... i just take each day as it comes... i have only been seeing my guy for a couple of weeks yet we have made plans for the next few weeks, months and have even talked about going on holiday next year. its very early days yet though and i actually wouldnt set anything in stone but its nice to know that at the moment he still wants to see me for the forseeable future x

[Morrisonker]

cool, thanks guys. I suppose I agree with most of you, I don't really think we need to talk about it, but I've seen friends in similar situations that have assumed they were only dating each other and suddenly found out the guy has been seeing other girls. Seems like some people need to have things like this spelled out to them.

Ah wells, he's making me a mix tape so he must be serious :P

[sammd]

By 'the talk' i first thought you meant talking about marriage and kids which is a definite no no! But i assume you meant just asking if you're girlfriend and boyfriend. Some guys are scared of commitment and don't want to get those official titles too soon, whereas others don't mind. I'd say see how it goes and it'll either fall into place or it'll become the right time to ask. I guess more importantly you want to know that he's only going to see you. You could ask that question without asking about the girlfriend / boyfriend titles!