Who Pays For The Best Man's Air Fare?

[ladyalex]

The son-and-heir is getting married next year. (Hurrah! Lovely girl etc etc.)
As she is American, the ceremony will be in the US , Massachusetts to be precise.
The Best Man is based in Scotland so will have to travel and stay in the US for the wedding.
He earns a very good salary and has an American girlfriend who he visits at least twice a year. She's based in New York, a hop and a skip in American terms from Massachusetts.
So, who pays for the Best Man's air fare? (We have accommodation sorted out.)
What do folks think ? Him, the son-and-heir or do they share it in some way?
Thanks for your thoughts.

[ladyalex]

Thanks, Mamya. I'll pass on your best wishes....and yes, it is the Kentucky fiddler.

[vakayu]

As you are saying there has been no mention of air fares so far,maybe he just assumes he will be paying his own way,specially as he is in the habit of going anyway,but sooner rather than later someone is going to have to raise the subject even though it is going to make someone uneasy?

[Old_Geezer]

I tend to agree that the best man is providing a service and legitimate expenses should be paid: but for most weddings the costs, being minimal, wouldn't be claimed from the groom. Maybe the secret is to see if the best man enquires ?

[ladyalex]

I think we are getting to the nitty gritty now.
Someone is going to have to bite the bullet and raise the subject.

The son-and-heir's job, I think. Thankfully not mine.
Any thoughts as to phrasing ?
:-))

[EcclesCake]

I think the Groom should offer to pay, the Best Man will quite possibly/probably decline as he will extend the visit to spend time with his GF, in which case the Groom can politely accept the arrangement with a clear conscience.

[ladyalex]

That sounds good, eccles.

[Jaidyn]

I would expect him to pay his own fare and would not even expect the topic to crop up !
Things are so expensive for everyone these days and being best man is a privilege so he should not even devalue such an honour by asking for money for a flight !
Have a lovely time and enjoy it whatever the outcome !

[ladyalex]

Thanks, Jaidyn...I plan to enjoy it!

[black_cat51]

i personally would expect the BM to pay (i had exactky the same situ except my "best woman" had to come from abroad - she paid her fare) however, i did mention when i asked her to do it that i couldn't afford to pay her airfare

[paddywak]

When my niece got married in the Dominican Republic we all paid our own way.Trish and I have never married, she just thew all my stuff out and moved hers in.

[royfromaus]

The best man can not be expected to pay.

He may offer to pay for his own flight but he shouldn't be asked to.

[ladyalex]

Thanks, everyone.

mixed. response so far.
I'll have to tot up who thinks the Best Man should cough up and who thinks the Groom should.
And the. there's anneasquith who thinks that I should.....

[ladyalex]

I reckon it is 8 for the Best Man and 7 for the Groom.

I promise to let you all know the outcome, but there may be a bit of a wait.


Thanks all.
:-))

[jennyjoan]

Lady A - no matter how much the best man earns - he will certainly take up the offer of his flight being paid for him. JJCon

[ladyalex]

I suspect you have it right, jennyjoan.
This is turning into a minefield....
:-))

[Ellipsis]

When the best man was asked to be the best man, was it clear to him that the wedding would be in the US? If so then he should definitely pay, no questions asked, it's not even an issue - he'll be expecting to pay unless he's some kind of idiot or extremely old or old-fashioned person. Loads of weddings and stag do's are held abroad these days, and of course it's not all paid for by the bride/groom/family.

If the best man WASN'T aware of the facts at the time he agreed to be best man, that does make things a tiny bit more delicate. But still I'd say he should be expecting to pay, or not be the best man, especially in the circumstances you've outlined.

[ladyalex]

Thanks, ellipsis.
We're up to 9 for the Best Man and 7 for the Groom

[wolf63]

If they are good friends then why don't they pay half each?

[ladyalex]

Maybe that's what will happen in the end, wolf.
:-))

[anneasquith]

these ' boys' have been friends for many years. send them out for a pint. and they will come to a conclusion,