Divorce

[dancealot13]

Do you find it difficult to have total faith in your marriage with society the way it is and the lack of respect people have for marriage?

Im completely in love with my boyfriend of 5 years, but there's this little voice in my head that says..."Maybe you shouldn't get married because marriages don't seem to work to well now-a-days". I came from a divorced family, and I don't want my kids to go through that, and my boyfriend feels that same way. We are so in love still after 5 years...he's 27 and I'll be 25, but we both get nervous sometimes, not nervous about commitment, just about marriage. Any thoughts are appreciated.

[lafrancaise]

All couples have their ups and downs- it's human cos if we were both the same life could get a bit boring! So there's bound to be arguments when a couple don't agree. If you've both got the same morals in life and can talk freely with each other without one dominating the other - you've got the essential to make a marriage work. Apparently, the main reason for divorce is money, and other than that most arguments are due to bringing up children. Respect your partner, talk and don't forget to have a laugh over things and you'll be fine.

[GraceAnais]

i can completely see where you are coming from. i also come from a broken home and there have been times when i don't believe in marriage. i'm not in a relationship now so it's not really an issue i have to consider but i have to say that in many ways i don't believe i will ever get married.

although you say that you do not want to bring children into a world if they may have to go through having divorced parents i think this is a risk you just have to take if you want children.

The best thing is that at least you and your boyfriend are looking at what can go wrong in a marriage - it is better than those that get married being completely naive. i have some friends that think it will always be wonderful...surely they are the ones really setting themselves up to fail?

[lia*]

if you truly and honestly love someone, you never think about seperation or seperating. regardless, we all have misunderstandings and ups and downs. why are you thinking about divorce and you are not even married? sub-consciously you are factoring it into your relationship. in my eyes divorce is negetative, you know what you are thinking............

[Jennykins]

Hi dancealot.. I'll make this short and too the point so I dont go on and on ..lol.. My mother has been married 4 times and my father twice.. they are great people and make great friends but were not ment to be married... I my self believe in marriage and before I got married my husband and I did 1 year of pre-marital counseling,(and learned from other peoples relationship mistakes) and that was when I was 19... we have now been married for 8 years and we love each other to death.. And of course we have our days we tiff, But who doesnt ? All's I know is.. I married my best friend, and we are very different but it complaments each other well... And we talk about when we are old all the time and we just love the two children we have had so much... Dont worry about what other people do or think.. worry about what makes you happy.. and that is turly all that matters..

Good luck dance... Life is better as two thats for sure

[CLOWN TICKLE]

Some eighteen years ago on the 29th april my wife and I married, we have had one delightful daughter a lot of ups and downs but a relationship that is strong to this day. She is away looking after her parents, it is my only marriage, her third having twice been abused. My parents were married 58 years and my wifes 56 and I know of other long term relationship. The arguments have been about money and my lack of being able to support the family as I should have done, I view our relationship as a counterbalance she is strong where I am weak and vice versa. People always change but if you are adaptable you bend like a tree in the breeze and adapt.

[Jennykins]

Well said clown tickle

[Bohne]

For me (my) marriage has got nothing to do with anybody but myself and my husband.

In Germany, people don't get married too quickly, lots of people live together for decades before they get married, or they just never get married at all.

So when my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years asked me to marry him, I was really surprised. He's already divorced, but somehow it never for a second crossed my mind that this fact had anything to do with our relationship.

I love him more than anything else in the world, and I believe that he loves me. That is all that matters.
He is willing to 'give up' his country (America) for me, and live in Germany, I am giving up work for two to three years to go to the States with him.

I can't imagine ever even considering that for anybody else.

We are going to have a baby in July, and even though for years I was wandering if I'd ever be ready to do that, now everything just seems to be perfect.

So no, I do not find it difficult at all to have faith in my marriage.
However, it would not have bothered me one bit not to get married, and just living together.
I would not have loved him any less.

[malaise]

Can I just ask, why do you want to get married? I don't see the point of it now, as it's perfectly socially acceptable not to marry nowadays. I personally don't think that marriage is any more of a commitment than having a stable relationship: mortgage, pets, maybe kids one day. I just see it as an extra expense, and an unneccessary one at that (unless you are both religious, then I can understand why you'd want to do it!). As long as you are happy together, I don't see why you should change things. xxx

[Octavius]

Just because society accepts it and because of the way society is don't mean it's a bad or wrong thing to do, personal choice etc etc. I married 6 weeks ago and expect and hope that it will last a lifetime as I love my wife to bits. (hope she's reading this!)

[jules1968]

My advice is do it purely for yourselves, always respect one another,accept you're two different people, laugh together and never go to sleep on an argument.Advice i haven't always took myself but the years make you wiser.Marriage takes a lot of hard work. I used to wonder what that meant before i got married but know i know exactly. this is my second marriage, we were together 9 years before we did it now married for one and half and couldn't be happier. You never stop learning new things about each other so no need to rush into it! Wait until you KNOW its the right thing to do.One last piece of advice dancelot13, if you do chose to get married, make sure you wedding day is just the way YOU want it to be, no-one else. We got married at Gretna Green and loads of people asked why, i told them because thats what we wanted to do, simple as that!

[dancealot13]

Thank you all for the responses. It's not that I'm in a rush to get married, although I would like to within the next couple of years. But I have these worrys about marriage in general because of all the horrible divorce stories in my environment. It just frightens me. Im not concerned with the way him and I communicate, or our devotion to one-another, or how it would be to live with oneanother, its just the actual act of getting married that worrys me. Americans don't seem to stay married now-a-days, they get married and divorced like they go through a pair of socks. There arn't many romodels for strong marriages. I want to figure out a way not to worry about that, and to just have faith that it will all be fine, Im trying to predict the future too much, and I know that is impossible.

[dancealot13]

Some of that answer was for Lia. ;)