My sexlife has drooped

[Computerbud]

Hi everyone,

I've been with my girlfriend now for nearly a year. When we first started going out our sexlife was the best, it was amazing! Anyway, we've just moved out together (it's been 4 weeks now living together) and now she doesn't want it. I asked her what the problem was and she said "I just don't feel like it anymore!"

Not done anything for 2 weeks now and going from sex everytime we saw each other to nothing every nightis driving me crazy!!!

She is 21 and I'm 25....HELP!

[stylinsam]

create a nice little cosy love nest in the bedroom buy lots of candles and smelly scents to make it feel relaxed buy her chocolates, flowers or perfume or even sexy underwear tell her you love her and you want to spend the rest of your life with her.

pretty sure it will work. it would work for me anyway.

hope this helps let me no wen you have tried it

let me no also if you think this is a good idea.

[dancealot13]

That's a tough one. Maybe she's bored? Do you find when the two of you are together (sexually) that you know exactly what is going to happen next. It's easy to get in the "routine" of making love. AKA "I do this,- then she does that, then we blah blah blah." Change it up a bit, and surprise her. Do it to play vs. to have an orgasm. And take your time. Make sure it lasts long than 20 minutes. The bottom line, if someone doesnt want to have sex, then they're not turned on. You need to turn her on. See if that works and go from there.

[nannon]

maybe she is stressed/tired from the new move. If its the first time she has moved out with a oartner or out from her parents house it may just take some getting used to! when i first moved out of home for uni the last thing on my mind was sex, i was worried about money and the huge change i was about to face.

Just a thought...

[gerkin]

Maybe she is not ready to move in yet (she is still very young). Try going back to the way you were before and see how things develop.

[Scarlett]

This sounds very familiar. It is the same principle as: if you had no money and walked past a bakery, and could smell the bread etc, you would LOVE a cake. You would go and buy yourself one if you could. However, if you were a Baker, that lived and worked in the bakery, you would get so used to the smell, so you wouldn't even notice it anymore. And you probably wouldn't want cake- you would be surrounded by it.

That is how your girlfriend feels. You can have sex anytime, now you are both there together, so that instantly makes it seem less desirable. Also, you can't possibly keep having sex at the rate you first did, or 85 year old couples would still be at it every day. It generally becomes less- maybe once a week- if you live together.

It could also be that your girlfriend is feeling pressured into having sex. You are going to have to WOO her. (See Stylinsam's reply!) Sex is not your right, now that you live together. It is a demonstration of your feelings for each other. So, show her how you feel- but not necessarily with the contents of your trousers. The rest will follow.

[dancealot13]

My boyfriend and I don't live together now, (we want to wait till we get married)but we did in the past when we lived in NYC together. We averaged everyother night usually, and we had been together for 4 years. You just have to learn to spice it up. I think Im more sexual then my boyfriend though, which will probably show more down the road after we've lived with eachother for a while. Thats stinks though! I don't wanna have sex just once a week! That's not enough.

[helsbels666]

I found that When you first move in with your partner its a big culture shock. I'd practically lived at my partners house before we got our own place so i wasn't even concerned. Suddenly i didnt have my own territory anymore it was our lounge, our bathroom, our bedroom. Sounds silly to say now and obvious but at the time every little thing annoyed me and now instead of being a guest i had a RIGHT to be irritated as it was my house too. Make a bit of space between the two of you and keep some of the dating alive even though you're living ogether. Give her some time to readjust and tim sure itl get better!

[Andy008]

One of the fabulous things about sex is that, not matter who you are, there's always someone getting less of it than you.

f I was you I'd count yourself rather lucky. The like of Antoni Imeila, Ian Huntley et al won't be getting laid for a very long time.

[Computerbud]

Thanks for the advice ppl, I think I'll use all of it! Actually we did "make love" last night and it was her who initiated it!

I think that if Im always wanting it (which I am!) and show it she will get bored and tired of me trying to hump her leg every night!

[Scarlett]

Computerbud- that is SUCH an important thing to bear in mind. I split up with my boyfriend of 3 years because he was CONSTANTLY giving me a hard time about having sex. To him it was something I OWED him. In order to want sex, women need to be turned on. This won't happen if the man is moody and cross (cos of the lack of sex) and becomes a bully over it. The opposite happens- the woman closes up, and retreats. If I can make one man aware of this in my lifetime I will have done my job here!!!

[Computerbud]

Scarlett - Ok I know you're right, but I have a very high sex drive, if it was up to me I would have sex 3 times a day...no Im not a pervert either, I just enjoy it!

So Im going to try my hardest to not maul her or as it were beg her for sex! I'll just have to make it more intesesting for her and let her be the one to decide....

But why is it ALWAYS up to the woman when we have sex??? Men I think will always have sex no matter how tired they are.....Am I correct fella's?

[Scarlett]

It is hormones. I saw a programme about a man of 32 who had never reached puberty. He was a lovely man, a doctor, who was very similar to Michael Jackson in personality- ie- childlike. They gave him loads of Testosterone to get him back to normal, and he became really unreliable, thought about sex ALL the time, and basically became a bloke! Also, women sometimes are given testosterone, and this has the effect of making their sex drive go sky high. In short, they start to feel like men do all the time.

Have you ever NOT felt like sex, when you have been ill, or maybe you have just had sex and so don't want it again? Have you ever felt "nothing"? That is the default for most women. That is where we start from. So to get us turned on, it takes far more than it does for a man, who is half way there already. You just need to remember that women FEEL different to men.

[Computerbud]

I think I have more testosterone in my body than blood! The only time when I really am not bothered about sex is when I've just had it!

The thing is, when my girlfriend and I weren't living together she always wanted it, now it's always available on tap she's not bothered! A bit like the bakery scenario above I guess!

Is there anything out there that can turn me off slightly and make me less horny?!

I wonder if I had some feromone it would help...hehehe

[Scarlett]

You will get less sexually active as you get older- mens peak is 18 and womens is 35!!! You have that to look forward to! Also I am told, the less sex you have, the more you get used to it. If you were single, for example (like my ex once I dumped him) you would not be able to have sex 3 times a day. You may not have sex at all- for ages! But you get used to that, like you get used to tea without sugar.

[Computerbud]

Well I have been in a relationship ever since I was sexually active and only had 3 months break inbetween it all.....whereby I'd get laid every Saturday or Sunday with some tart I'd pull in a club!

Hehehe...thinking about it i've never been without sex since I left school for more than 2 weeks!

Oh Im such a slaaag!!!

[glammapus]

Speaking from a girls point of view, i got bored when my boyfriend wanted it all the time. I like the challenge of him saying no to me. Perhaps try to pretend your tired for once, she'll feel in control.

It's a good feeling!!!