Man Stealing...

[GraceAnais]

please don't judge me on this ABers. i'm a nice person really. my problem is i fancy this guy....but he has a girlfriend. although when ever he is with her he is always looking at me...and has also made a few other suggestive comments. they haven't been togther very long. would it be wrong to attempt to poach him off her...or is 'all fair in love and war'...?

[Zorr0]

You brazen hussie...just kiddin

[GraceAnais]

i you've got it flaunt it!!!

i need help though Zorro; not jibes!!!!

It's Answerbank...not Take-the-**** bank!! lol

[mycatis]

but think about it, if you do manage to pinch him from her (and I've done it, not proud of it, but I've done it) how would you trust him? It's the old saying if he did it to her, he would do it to you

[robbo82]

Without wanting to be too moralisitc, I think you'll have to leave it until he breaks up with her; put yourself in her shoes: how would you feel if someone tried to steal a man away from you? If you really feel strongly about him, I guess you could have a quiet word with him about how his relationship's going etc, and take it from there.

[GraceAnais]

i don't want to have an affair with him though...i would want him to finish with her first of course. we had a sorta thing together before but i think i was a bit offish with him (just because i was nervous) and it never really went anywhere and then he met her (been 2geva bout 2 months).

i just think that maybe if i gave him the come on he might realise i'm interested and finish with her. but i'm sure hw to go about it.

[malaise]

Go for it. My boyfriend had been with his girlfriend for 4 years before I stole him. Ha.

[GraceAnais]

ouuu...how did you do it malaise!? answers please! i need tips! he may be in the bar i'm going to 2moro nite so i need to be prepared!!!

[Minxie]

Not being moralistic either Grace, but how would you feel if you had been with him for 2 months, and another woman made a grab for him? Try and think of his poor girlfriend, and how she would feel.

[GraceAnais]

i know i know minxie...you're right but isn't all fair in love and war??? i think she knows anyhow cos she keeps giving me daggers. and we did have a thing before she came on the scene...and it's not like they're married. have i justified myself enough yet?! i wouldn't go there if it wasn't for the fact that he keeps giving me the eye.

[malaise]

Come off it, this has nothing to do with Grace. It has to do with the guy, and who he'd rather be with! Clearly Grace will make a better effort to keep her man ;)
To cut a long story short, we had been flirting and chatting, somehow ended up kissing in bed, but I told him I didn't want to sleep with him and that I felt guilty because he had a girlfriend. I stopped it there, but we still cuddled all night. He broke up with her the next day and has been with me ever since.
Anyway, good luck Grace. If you know his number I'd give him a sly wee text and let him know you're going out... If he turns up, he's definitely interested! xxx

[Bohne]

For me it would not be OK, sorry, if that's not what you want to hear.

For one, it's not something I want to happen to me, and two, if he's doing it now, and I got together with him, I'd always be wondering, if he's looking at somebody else again.

[yinyang]

When I first met my husband he was going out with his little sisters best friend and my best friend had a little crush on him.We instantly clicked but spent a couple of months denying everything. Then one day he cycled about 5 miles to see me and told me was willing to put up with all the fall-out if I felt the same way.Obviously feeling were hurt and relationships were strained for a while but 13 years on I'm really close to his sister and my best friend is now godmother to our twins.I think what made it easier for everyone was that it was qiuckly obvious to all concerned that my partner and I were in it for the long haul and that I didn't just take him to prove I could.
So I would say taking someone else boyfriend could be justified but make sure you're not doing just because you know you blew your chance with him anddon't like seeing him with someone else.also, remember that some guys are just flirts and he may be perfectly happy with his girlfriend but just enjoying the extra attention you're giving him. Hope this long rambling answer helps.

[alijangra]

I think the best thing you can do is let him know you are interested, but only if he is single. Do you think he wants to go out with you or just have a quickie behind his girlfriends back? If its the latter, then keep away.

[mimififi]

I think that even if you made a play for him, how would you know that he wasn't just fickle like mycatis says, he might constantly thing the grass is greener, think about your poor heart, I would hate to see you heartbroken.

If he is interested in you or anyone else, then why is he with the other girl? Is it just the best of a bad lot, where upon he has to be honest and leave her even if there is noone to leave to.

Sounds like you could potentially be setting yourself up for heartbreak.

Choose someone nice, not someone who seems to be using someone in the absence of noone.

After all, look what happened to the whole Cathy/Edgar/Heathcliff triangle. Cathy would have been better off alone, than settling for Edgar and betraying Heathcliff....heathcliff preferred to be alone than to steal another man's wife even though he could have taken Edgar out without even breaking a sweat, Heathcliff wanted cathy to come willingly, not enticed and encouraged away.........

It's a pickly no doubt about it. I want to say, yeah go for it GraceAnais, but, I just have a bad feeling.

[GraceAnais]

thank you for the advice - it's nice 2 know that ABers can offer impartial advice without being judgemental! i think that is what is gd about this site. i would just like to emphasis that the reason i posted this was because i do usually take the moral highground and therefore would not normally do this sort of thing. if i was a regular man stealer then i would not be asking for advice from ABers.

Malaise - i do have his no. but 2 text him when i know he has a girlfriend does seem to be pushing the line.

i understand wat people have said about the gfriend but i see it like this. i was in a long term relationship for 5 years and girls use to text my bf all the time, but it never bothered me cos i knew he was completely in love with me - he use to show me the texts and we'd laugh about it.

mimififi - the heathcliff thing is very true and has put a whole new angle on my thinking - u always give such good advice! although i would like to have the faith of heathcliff (hope that he would come willingly) my years of being single have proven to me that life is not that easy. i've always been one for letting fate take it course... but after a number of setbacks i'm starting to think i should go out and get what i want. other people are always doing it to me...whereas i take the moral highground most of the time and it never gets me anywhere. my friend was interested in this guy for ages and she chased him even though he had a gfriend. now they are getting married. he said that he thought he was happy with his gfriend but then he realised the more she chased him the more he liked her and it made him realise that he obviously wasn't happy with his gfriend. can u c what i mean? to me it seems as if being gd and waiting for stuff to happen has got me nowhere.

[GraceAnais]

and as for my poor heart - maybe i need to get burned by this guy to teach me a lesson!!!

[mimififi]

well, grace, you are a sensible, intelligent person, so I think you will make the best decision anyways.

The thing is about life is we only get one go at it, as you say, and maybe you will take a course of action and regret it, and maybe you wont, but then again, the person who never made a mistake, never made anything.

Good luck, and I am thinking of you.

[mimififi]

And, I have to admit grace, after all that moral highground, holier than thou attitude I gave you , what I had forgotten was that I was actually the person who was stolen away! *blush*

I was seeing someone as it was preferable to be with him than to be alone and he was very kind and nurturing toward me, but there was a lack of spark, or energy or whatever you call it. I went off to University, but lived at home so still saw my bf everyday.

Then I met someone at uni and he had just come out of a terrible relationship and I spent alot of time with him talking and mostly smoking (which i have now given up, a long time ago actually, the smoking that is, not the talking) and we began to just love each other and at first it was a bit like a brother sister thing, then a deep seated unconditional love and then a whole new passion thing and I ended up having to stop seeing him until i had finished with my BF which was really hard and he was just heartbroken and it was a really messy breakup and it wasn't as if I had meant to cheat, or had cheated at all.....I just wanted to be with someone else.

I have been married to the someone else for 11 years now and have 5 children!

So, maybe you should go with your heart, just make sure he is above board with the GF first.

(And sorry about the terrible use of the word 'and' and the incapability I seem to have to be able to write grammatically correctly about this chapter in my life. Just think 'Bella' when you read it and everything will be fine.!)

Chin Chin

[Pippa68]

If you do go for it, be prepared for the same thing to happen to you ~ after all if you do 'steal him' (in my opinion nobody can be stolen..they want to leave!) be prepared for another girl stealing him.

After all you have made it seem ok, right?

If it were me I wouldn't bother ;o)

[GraceAnais]

thanks mimififi..i really appreciate your imput. 'the person who never made a mistake never made anything' - i'll remember that one!!

when it comes to my professional life (work,career,etc) i've put myself out there. gone for the jobs no-one thought i'd get - but i did. used charm to help me out when i lacked knowledge etc...but i have never been hurt anyone in the process. just believed in myself. my mother always said 'if you've done your best what more can you do.' and i've always thought u win some u lose some - that's life. i think if only i could apply this thinking to my love life. i suppose i'm scared of being one of those 'career' women - who can apply their intelligence to their careers but fail to ever apply it to their personal lives and end up alone and unhappy. work and career provide some satisfation; but deep down it's shared companionship that really make it all worthwhile.

i think i'm just too much of a 'good girl' and i'm desperate to break out of it. it's that age old thing of 'being nice gets u nowhere' - i always thought being nice got you places but maybe if you really want something to happen you have to go out and get it. i would if it was a job i'd set my heart on; so why not a man?