Recovery

[Nicky130271]

Hi further to my previous post about finding out my partner was leading a double life - we are still together 3 months down the line he is still being the perfect boyfriend so to speak but I can't seem to get over what he's done! It's all I think about and I seem to be consumed by hurt anger confusion and grief! If I ask him a question about it he becomes frustrated and says I'm living in the past and not focusing on the future, I can understand what he's saying but I can't help feeling the way I do. I think I'm pulling away from him emotionally and I wonder if I will always feel like this or will I eventually recover in time? I can't talk to anyone as no one has been through what I have! My thinking is if I'm always going to feel like this do I break my own heart and walk away and start again or hope in time I will not think about it every min of the day.
Thankyou!

[woofgang]

Your heart won't break. Its your choice. You can CHOOSE to let this go or you can CHOOSE to walk away. Either way your choice.

[Sqad]

\\\\Can you ever recover?"

I don't know......can you?

That is entirely up to you......if you are going to go on and on about his indiscretions, then no, you will never " recover."

Almost ALL families have their " skeletons" and love a useful life in co-existence, providing you give it a chance.\\\\


That was my contribution to your previous thread and clearly answers your present thread..........that is if you read it.....;-)

[pixie373]

He's perhaps not helping, by acting as if you should have got over it by now. Tell him he needs to reassure you and help you move on- not try to minimise it. If he thinks it's "no big deal" (c.sqad 1833), what's to stop it happening again? It is about the future, not the past. Tell him he needs to make more effort.

[Seusse]

Hi Nicky, sorry to hear about what your going through, its as if you have just described me, ive been with my current for 17.5 months now, and it isnt getting any better and im seriously thinking about walking away, my broken heart will mend in time, but i feel its really not worth the hurt any more

[Hopkirk]

I have just read your original post, and have to say I can't believe you are still with him.

Get rid. You can do so much better.

[tonyav]

Agree with Hopkirk. Nicky if you don't split from him this thinking about what has happened 'every minute' of the day will eat you up.

[Retrochic]

Its one thing having a one night stand , but having a live in relationship with another woman, that is unforgivable in my opinion. He does not want to discuss it because it makes him feel bad and he wants to 'move on' -I bet he does . You may recover in time, you may be able to trust him eventually, but not !00%. He disrespected you and this other woman and may do it again, or he may have learnt his lesson and grown up fast -who knows? I suggest you stop thinking about what has happened and focus on your future and base your decision on how your boyfriend is now. However, I would keep a close eye on him and make him realise that he's on a red card and one more 'indiscretion' and he's out of your life.

[beso]

I agree with him. Focus on the future. Just don't let him be a part of that future.;)

You will have a chance to move on if you get him out of your life.

[ummmm]

If he's a capable of having two relationships at the same time I doubt he'd suddenly find any morals.

He's being the perfect boyfriend....until the next woman comes along to temp him.

[kloofnek]

I agree with ummmm...!!!!

[Scarlett]

I think he has cooked his goose. He has betrayed you many times over. That does not make a very nice person. Why would you want to have someone in your life who shows you so little respect? By staying with him you are accepting his behaviour. He keeps telling you to stop living in the past because it makes him uncomfortable to be reminded of what a git he is. I don't believe he has changed. He may not be with the other woman right now, but how long before he finds another one to cheat on you with? You have stayed with him knowing about his behaviour. So, if you can get over it, all good. But if you gut is telling you that you can't, cut your losses and move on. This time find someone who is honest and loves you for real.

[Old_Geezer]

The answer is within yourself as to how long it takes to put things in the past. Admittedly it is under the subconscious control more than the conscious one though. However the conscious decision is whether to try to put it behind you and stay in a relationship or to walk away and then try to put it behind you. That depends on which you prefer.

Of course you can consciously resolve to stop feeling the way you do, but you can decide one the path you wish to take.

Maybe you need a little more time to make that decision. To know what it is you'd prefer deep down. Then you can come here to ask for support for your decision rather than hope someone can tell you which is best.

[mccfluff]

if it was only 3 months again then its a bit soon to be saying you're living in the past

its up to you, if you feel you can learn to trust him again then stick with it, some counseling might help.

if you're not going to be able to trust him then you need to split up, you'll forever be worrying about what hes up to & he'll (justly or unjustly) will get annoyed if he's being questioned all the time

[whirlyhurly]

Look, you will never be able to really trust him, so just cut your losses and go. Broken hearts eventually mend, but in my opinion it's time to move on.