How To Deal With Miscarriage

[Jenarry]

I was 12-13 weeks pregnant and started bleeding at the weekend .
After having an emergency scan on Tuesday the Dr found baby of 7 weeks but no heartbeat so baby had stopped developing some weeks ago.I went to the scan on my own so got news on my own and had a few hours at home alone in the afternoon to think about it and there was a lot of tears. :O(
I miscarried baby naturally later on tuesday evening which was all very awful. if anyone has been through you will know what I mean.
I went back to hospital yesterday lunchtime and they have confirmed that miscarriage was complete and that I don't need any help medically although emotional support is available if I need it.
Baby was planned and we are hoping to try again as soon as we can .
My emotions feel torn though-I am grieving for what should have been our new arrival next march but part of me keeps thinking that it was only a few weeks old and for whatever reason wasn't meant to be.
I don't know why but the thought that baby probably stopped being around 5 weeks ago upsets me too -that for over a month I thought I was carrying a little one and it wasn't really there and why didn't I know this.
I also find myself looking back at 5 weeks ago to see if it's something i did that caused this-the long day of bike riding we had or the long brisk walk or the boozy night out I had earlier on before I knew I was pregnant.
I know that it was probably nothing to do with any of these but still find myself thinking about it.
I am planning on going back to work next monday but I am dreading it a little as my work colleague is pregnant and just a few weeks along from what i was so has bump to show for it and I'm not sure how that will be for me having a reminder all the time. :O(

[ABAuntie]

Jenarry this is so hard but time will heal, you have had some lovely replies here.

When you think about moving on may I suggest perhaps a small memorial of some sort.

A friend of mine planted a lovely jasmine in her garden and put a copy of the scan under the roots and I know that every time she sees it a small smile comes to here face as she remembers the happy feeling of the baby inside and not the terrible time that happened after.

big hugs and kisses

auntie xxx

[Mamyalynne]

Jenarry,you have had some heartfelt comments and I can do little but to agree with them all.

Gather your husband close to you and grieve naturally together, sending love to you both for the future.x

[atalanta]

I and two cousins all miscarried. We each went on to have two or more healthy children later. You have lost a baby which had something wrong with it. Not your fault. Say a sad goodbye and move on.

[jourdain2]

Jenarry, I'm very sorry that this has happened to you two. I had a 10 week miscarriage. My husband was rather useless at emotional support, but I survived. It is the sense of failure, 'emptiness' even. The most useful comment I received was from a nurse who said "Try to look on it as positive news, it means you can get pregnant naturally and there will have been a reason why this baby was not going to be born." Many people can't get pregnant, you can. It's not your fault, it just happened. 30 years later I wonder occasionally (when reading a post like yours) if perhaps it was the son I never had - daughters followed - but it is a sadness not a grief. A few years ago the same thing happened to my elder daughter, but she lost twin embryos. Without my experience I would not have been able to help and understand as I did. (She is now the mother of my lovely 8 year old granddaughter.).

[meglet]

I went through this in 2012. I found out at 12 weeks that I had miscarried twins. We had got pregnant immediately we started trying, like you, and I had done everything right. It didn't stop me obsessing that I might have done something wrong though. About 4 months later I went on holiday and relaxed so much I hadn't realised just how terribly down I had been about it. I got pregnant again when we got home. Unfortunately I miscarried that pregnancy as well but it was earlier and it didn't hurt as much as the first time. Couple of months later I was up the duff again and my little pickle will be 1 in three weeks.

It didn't matter what anyone said to me about it not being meant to be etc etc. I just needed time to get over it.

[ummmm]

I agree Meg. With hindsight you know what they are saying is true....but at the time they are empty words that mean nothing.

[DTCwordfan]

that's the grieving process working its way through, at some point the surfacing, rationalisation and acceptance comes through....though it's not a smooth line at all and so different for each of us.

[ummmm]

Yes...grief is a very individual thing.

[Jenarry]

it's been an up and down few days. Feeling surprisingly ok physically ...still some pain and feeling washed out but managing to cope.
Emotionally is not so easy. felt absolutely fine yesterday but today felt really low and felt like i just wanted to hide away in bed all day but didn't.
We are not religious people but at hubby's suggestion we went to the cathedral in our city centre today and lit a candle each for the little one which was a nice idea but made me feel more upset and hubby didn't do anything to comfort me and then I had to see my mum for the 1st time today which didn't feel helpful either. she doesn't always say the right thing and she did the same today. :O(
I am feeling better now and have had a lovely online chat with someone which has helped an awful lot and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.