Moving Dilemma

[racoony]

I am 62, my partner is 65, we have been together for 18 years.My partner wants to move to the countryside and I don't.I have multiple sclerosis,can't walk very well and don't drive.I feel I would be stranded in the coutryside.What can we do?

[237SJ]

Yes, you would be stranded in the countryside. My Mum was stranded in the countryside when my Dad died. She lived in an old house, couldn`t drive, the bus stop was a mile away and I had to sell her house and move her nearer to me. Apart from that, she developed cancer and had to travel 100 miles every day for radiotherapy. People have a rosy opinion of living in the countryside but they don`t always think about the practicalities. Maybe you could reach a compromise by living on the edge of a town where you have a bit of both.

[racoony]

Thanks for your answer.

[snags]

I understand your worries. My mum and her partner moved to a beautiful riverside house at the end of a long private road in the 'countryside'... a month or so after moving her partner had a heart attack at 1am... the ambulance took bloody ages to get there and because of the distance back to the hospital had to 'jump start' him back to life in the back of the ambulance in their driveway... not ideal. As already said... compromise.

[woofgang]

Does your partner have any kind of plan for dealing with these issues if you did move to the country? Could there be any kind of subtext to his wish to move somewhere that would be difficult for you?

[VHG]

I sometimes watch these programs on TV called "Escape to the country" and things like that.

They always visit on a nice sunny day and the people visiting are always fairly fit and healthy.

But these places can be awful in the winter, isolated, maybe cut off with snow (or flooding!).

Also sadly as you both get older you will need more medical support, perhaps more visits to hospitals or doctors or dentists and so on.

This will all be much harder if you are based in the country.

It is NOT the right time for you move, particularly with your medical conditions you have listed.

I feel he is being very selfish (or misguided) in insisting you move to the country.

[mallyh]

where does your hubby want to move to ?

[glenbar]

I can understand how you are feeling. My ex and I did this and I was so lonely. Buses rare and if you use the car there is no contact with anyone. I could go on but it sounds as though you are well informed. It is not what its cracked up to be. Good luck

[elliemay1]

What are his reasons for the move? Sit down together and make a list of pros and cons and discuss these fully. Have you any other family who could perhaps persuade him that it may not be a good idea?

[RATTER15]

Me and my good lady live in the countryside, she is disabled, without the car she can go nowhere, the nearest bus stop is 1 mile away, she cant walk that far.

If it isn't your scene then you will be left very isolated, personally, we love it and at this moment in time wouldn't have it any other way. One day I imagine we will need to start thinking about being a little more practical.

[Prudie]

You need to talk and compromise I agree but living in the countryside does not necessarily mean living down a tiny lane miles from anything. Village life is what you want in my opinion, good community, usually all the services believe it or not.

[ummmm]

I was going to say the same, Prudie.

[gingejbee]

You could live on the edge of a small market town....it has the advantages of being in the countryside and in a town.

[ummmm]

I live in a market town that is surrounded by lovely villages.

[Hopkirk]

Depends on what you mean by the 'countryside'

If you live in a small town you get the best of both worlds.
Easy access to countryside, but the benefits of civilisation very close.

I would never live in a city myself.

[jourdain2]

We are moving back to UK (ages 65 and 81) and made a sensible decision to search for a house on the edge of a market town - but we have gone and bought a house in a village. I am confident that all will be well. There is a 200 yr.-old pub., thriving village community and societies and a Jnr./Infants school. Supermarkets only 8 miles away and a bus service, also we will have neighbours.

I lived until a few years ago in an isolated house and I don't recommend it. Hope this helps.