Seperate On/divorce

[chelsea_girl]

I have recently decided to end my marriage after 23 years of trying to make it work and being the only one who has put any effort in to it. I have three grown up children the youngest being 17. My question is what is my first move to start the whole divorce?

[janbee]

See a lawyer. He/she will advise you what to do. I did it many years ago and have never regretted it. Good luck girl xx

[BlackadderV]

Should you wish to rid yourself of your husband you have no need of a lawyer, merely a sympathetic doctor and a discreet undertaker.

[grasscarp]

I once went to see a solicitor for a short session free of charge when I felt I wanted a divorce. When I found out her hourly rate I dropped the idea.

[Old_Geezer]

I can not think of any sensible alternative to janbee's advice.

[VHG]

Does your husband know of your intentions?

Have you been to some sort of "marriage guidance"?

I would certainly let you husband know of your intentions, as well as going to a solicitor.

Sadly divorces are often messy and strung out affairs, taking months or even years to sort out.

For example you say you have a 17 year old child, I assume living at home?.

Now you may think your husband will move out and you will stay in the house and be responsible for the 17 year old.

But your husband may say HE wants to stay in the house and look after the child and YOU will have to move out. And the court may agree, are you prepared for that?

Also once all the children have left home the house will probably have to be sold (if you own a house between you) and the proceeds split between both of you.

So you will then have to buy another house with your half of the money from the house. Are you prepared for that?.

So there are all sorts of things that may happen during the discussions for the divorce (money, property, child maintenance, access to the children etc etc).

I am not trying to talk you out of trying to get a divorce, but just letting you know that once you start the process it can get very nasty indeed.

[Retrochic]

First move is to tell your husband. He may feel the same as you and if its all out in the open you can discuss what you are going to do between yourselves which will make the process much easier and perhaps cheaper if you agree from the outset about custody and finance. Next see a solicitor (not a Lawyer) -write down what you have discussed with your husband if this is applicable. If, when you tell your husband, you realise he is going to be very difficult, then make an appointment to see a Solicitor and discuss what are your rights with respect to living in the house,maintenance etc.

[RATTER15]

If it is all done my mutual agreement and no kids involved you can do it all yourself for about £50. I think mine cost me £40.00 about 8 years ago.

[chelsea_girl]

He does know and he is being argumentative. I don't want child support from him as our youngest is 17. I just want this nightmare marriage over

[ummmm]

What's your position? Have you got a mortgage? Is the 17 year old still in education? Are the other two still at home?

Have you thought about what you want/expect from the divorce?

[johnny37]

sounds as if it could get messy. as ratter says, if there is no dispute as to who owns what you could do it yourself. general rule is two years separation. if he will leave now voluntarily you could concoct some story between you about unreasonable behaviour. a good divorce solicitor can help you on that. you could be living in the same house and separate lives. if that is not practical you cannot force him out unless he is violent. then arises the question of assets. when your youngest leaves school you may have to sell the house unless he/she goes to uni. again generally half each down the middle, including expected pensions. he may accept less if you get a mortgage to pay him off. try and get him to specify what he wants otherwise it could get expensive. brief but hope it helps.

[Buenchico]

Start here:
https://www.gov.uk/divorce/overview

[sherrardk]

My friend is in the process of divorcing her husband and they had to attend mediation, apparently everyone (even if it's an amicable divorce) has to have at least one session.

[boxtops]

That's hard, if you've decided it's finished. When we separated (I moved out) we drew up a separation order beforehand, which was witnessed by a solicitor, which makes it very clear who owns what, whose responsibility it it to pay for what after the split - and the date on the separation order is then the date from which you can count the two or five years you've been living apart (2 for agreeable divorce, 5 for contested divorce).