dead beat dads

[scruffscat]

my current partner has a little girl by his ex,they split up when she was 6 months pregnant.4 days after she was born we met.my bf.his ex and i get on great with each other. however my ex is absoloutely useless in every way with my kids, boy 15 and a girl 13.He has dodged csa for years till i finally shut the case,constantly bitches snipes and is constantly rude to my bf.and I. He only started to see the kids again 2 summers ago after a break of 4 years (his decision) and agreed to pay a nominal amount of maintenance, pay for scool trips, trainers and uniforms.Only he only pays maintenance now and seems to forget about the other stuff ! just wondering if any other mums have constantly been baffled by the total lack of paternal feelings a dad can have for his kids.

[B00]

My ex husband is exactly the same, which is rich coming from the guy who threatened to "break my neck" should I ever stop him seeing his daughter, which I would never do!.

He paid me a piddling �50.00 a month and NEVER contributed towards anything else, expense wise.

Her visits to him also dwindled down to almost zero once he'd remarried.

God love Ex's huh? can't live with 'em- can't bury 'em under the patio!

[scruffscat]

cheers for that boo. My bf. is constantly worrying if he does enough for his girl, and really takes care of her and her mum financially.My kids dad however worries more about his hair and stupid 4x4 than his kids.have you any dealings yourself with the csa? what a joke they are!

[B00]

No, I didn't bother- it just seemed too much hassle to be honest. All accademic now anyway- she's 17 and earning so as you can gather he stopped the payments bloody sharpish once that happened!

[Minxie]

hi scruffs, well my ex pays the least he can. Not through CSA, but a mutal agreement we had 8 years ago.(�25.00 a week per child) He is self employed, so one rule for him!

He still pays the same money, does not have them in holidays, does not pay towards anything else.

When he comes to pick them up, on his 4 nights a month he has with them, he brags about his social life, etc. the anger I feel towards him, is well, cant say here.

Lone mothers get so much hack from the media and everything else. We do a grand job. Absent fathers should be the ones held up for critisim (sp)

[scruffscat]

hi minxie, youre right single mums do get bad press,my 2 are 15 and 13, even now i still get the occasional glance at my lack of wedding ringed finger! it carries a stigma of being some sort of slapper does it not? altho my kids dad had 1 child when i met him 2 with me and another one with 2 other people mmmmmmm 5 kids with 4 different people yet no stigma there then i bet.

[Minxie]

having to stop myself getting on my "absent dads" box here scruffs. Its like one rule for them. They go off and have their single life, knowing their children are well loved and cared for by their mum. Who struggles to work and look after them. 3 cheers for us I say......Oh, think I got sort of on my "box then" ! :)

[willspal]

What I have never understood about my ex and Father to my son is he left me when I was 6 months pregnant to go and live with a woman with 3 children AFTER saying he could not cope with the thought of being a parent !!!!!

14 years later he still shacks up with women who have children yet constantly fails his own son over and over again. His own flesh and blood. His parents are now both dead so you would think he would want something that was his own flesh and blood.

He gives me �100 a month (not through choice) and nothing else, not even an offer of a pair of school shoes, football boots ect.

He is currently with a woman with 2 daughters ( 6 & 8 ) and has again not been in contact for months as no doubt busy busy with his new love.

It kind of makes me sick to the stomach, not for me but for my son. I have overwelming feelings of how unfair life has been to my son and then I can get really angry and it really bothers me and I could happily ring him up for a row but time and experience has made me see he is a waste of space and honestly believes he has nothing to be ashamed of and is a good man and Father. I can't win with that belief so I just try and forget it and make sure my son knows he is loved from me and my Family.

I have pondered many many times about the same question you are asking over the years but have failed to reach a satisfactory answer other than they are complete and utter %�$*&%^ (add whatever name you feel like)

WP

[scruffscat]

wp, i can empathise with you completely.what a *******! take heart from the fact that you and yours can give your son all the love he needs in his life- it seems you have been thro a lot and it can eat you up i know ! but his loss.Keep positive and enjoy your life with him x

[Mads]

I sympathise with the situations you find yourselves in for various reasons...being a mum myself I'd admire the way some single mums cope...but I'd like to ask you for your views on the situation myself and partner now find ourselves in.

He recently recieved a letter from CSA to say he was allegedly the father of an 11 year old and he had to comply with their requests blah, blah...this was news to him and was advised to deny parentage only so that he could get a DNA test done ASAP. He's waiting to have the test done and obviously can't wait to get the results back. He's not denying the possibility that the child is his but it's taken 12 years this year to be told of her existance.

While all the paperwork was going back and fore, I decided to look into things further and obtained a copy of the child's birth certificate. To our disgust, it wasn't blank like we thought it would, but had another guys name on it.

If his test comes back negative the CSA close the case end of story...as though nothing's ever happened.

If it comes back positive, then what? Does my partner fight and go to court for the right to be named on this child's birth certificate. I doubt the "mother" will let him have any contact with her.

Does the guy whose named on the birth certificate know he may not be the father? Should he know?

As for the poor child who may never know her real dad...what about her?

There are plenty of questions but I'm not sure we'll ever get all the answers.

Your thoughts would be great on this as I'm at my wits end thinking about it...

[scruffscat]

blimey!! what a tangle i think whilst you re waitin for the result of the dna it might be worthseekin some professional advise.Its took her long enough hasnt it? has the other "dad" dumped her?

[little coojy]

my x was the same boo with all the threats etc, he hasn't seen his kids for 5 years now, he never turned up dont no where he is and dont care lol, the csa have only just last month caught up with him (he's changed his name sneaky git) i haven't had a penny of off him since 1997, ive bought all 3 up alone, he now has to pay me �5 a week for all 3, (not even each lol) and theres no back pay, wheres the justice in that.

[scruffscat]

thats an insult, sorry that question was probly meant for boo, but god 5 pound week for all 3 kids! wont even pay for their crisps !!! but well done you for goin solo!!! big up the single mummies

[Mads]

Hi Scruffscat

I haven't got a clue about the named dad. We'll wait and see about the test result and then I'm gonna think very carefully where we should go from here.

It's the wee girl I feel sorry for.