How Long After The Death Of Your Spouse Should You Get Involved With A New Partner?

[annieigma]

Hi,
no protocol for this on google, but, a close relation lost his wife 6 months ago, he is 69 years old, and wants to start a relationship with an old flame from 50 years ago. Is this o.k.?? or a bit too soon? He says that he has a limited life span, and that his deceased wife said she thought everyone should have a partner, no one should live alone?
I am not against it, but wonder what his kids and neighbours will think.

[woofgang]

What is right for him is right for him and its nobody else's business.....not even yours, OP.

[jourdain2]

Without first reading any other answers - my reply is that I have known new relationships start after a few months (successful, ended in happy marriages), a couple of years, or, in the case of the now Mr.J2, when we met - 15 years.

In other words - there is no saying what is right and life is far too short. Mr. J2's late wife told him when she was dying that he was not meant to live on his own. She was right, but it took us a long time to meet. Your friend already knows this old flame. What the neighbours think has nothing whatsoever to do with it and can be dismissed out of hand and the kids should think about their father's happiness before they react.

My appearance was a bit of a surprise to Mr. J2's children - especially when we eloped when he was 75! All is, however, well.

[Zacs-Master]

Taint got nuffink to do,with anyone but them.

[Dee Sa]

the widowers who look for a new partner too soon.... most of them just want some one to take care of them and make life go back to how it was & they dont have to do it all themselves. Also why do some /most of them want to travel back in time and see if an old flame is once again available like before, we used to be childhood sweethearts LOL ! so what happened in between ? beats me, you can only go forward in life not backward.

[gness]

How can there be a time that is "right"?

Three close friends were widowed at the same time as I was...... one is in a new relationship.....the rest of us are enjoying our lives as single people. But if we should meet someone it has sod all to do with anyone else...neighbours or kids.

We did, however, find that men who were widowed or divorced seemed to very quickly want a new partner. It does seem that men find it more difficult to live alone than do women.
But I think that apart from some needing to be looked after many men don't have the same circle of friends that women do and need to fill a gap.

[Nellynut]

I think that we are all different. I lost my husband three years ago and have not even thought about anyone else. If it happens, it happens, but I would never judge anyone else.

[sherrardk]

My step-dad already knew the lady he married (next door but-one neighbour) and when her husband was alive they had been on holidays together as couples.

[Caran]

Okay, here goes. I was 45 when my husband died of a brain tumour. Afterwards I just went to work, came home drew the curtains and that was my life. Two years later my daughter had the talk with me. Mum you cannot live your life like this, get out there and live again. I asked if she would mind if I met someone, she said she would be delighted if I did. We didn't live near to each other but we met up when we could.
So I looked about and discover Solo's. I read their brochure and saw they did weekend meetings in hotels across England, at the time I lived in L'Spa and I noticed there was one at Stratford on Avon. Thought about it and decided it was too close, I could chicken out too easily. So I booked one in Nottingham. Well I went and that was where I met OH. We had a long distance relationship as he lived in Welshpool. After about one year he moved in with me. We have been together 25 years this year. My family were delighted, everyone accepted him, he is a wonderful Bampy to my 5 grandchildren. So there can be a new life after all.

[mazie]

That's so lovely Caran. Made my evening :o)

[gness]

Did he know the adventure he was embarking on, Caran?..... ;-)

[Caran]

Gneiss I don't think he did, even now I see the odd shaking of his head in disbelief. He's not a bad old stick and we do have a good life .

[gness]

MrG was the same, Caran......some time after we got together he told a friend that he thought when he moved in my life would calm down, be normal.... but now things just happened to him too.....

But just before he died he thanked me for thirty happy and fun filled years that he hadn't ever expected.....that was nice....x

[Caran]

That was really nice gness.

[pixie373]

Whenever he wants to. Good luck to him.

[mrs.chappie]

It doesn't matter in the slightest what the neighbours think, and the kids might have his best interests at heart, or they might just be thinking about what could happen to their inheritance....personally I'd say s0d 'em all, life's too short, give it a go and grab some more happiness if you can.

[mikey4444]

He is probably lonely annieigma. I am guessing that he was married to the recently deceased for quite a while.

At his age, what has he got to lose !

Tell him Mikey says ...go for it !

[waterboatman]

It's entirely his decision. It's his life and if it's what he wants to do then that's fine.
My wife left this world nearly four years ago, but I'm not interested in looking for another one.Having said that; one can never say never. I don't know who I'm going to meet tomorrow, or today for that matter, but I'm fine with that.

[boxtops]

It's entirely up to the individual, and absolutely nobody's business but theirs. It's happened in our family, we are all pleased to see our relative starting to live a new life (and of course never to forget the spouse who has died). The adult children are delighted.

Nothing to do with wanting someone to replace a carer, nothing to do with cohabiting either (and sqad, your comments about people wearing well apply equally to women taking up with new men, the traffic's not all one way!), it's all about living your life to the full, taking on and sharing new experiences. He's 69, that's far from ancient.