Ex-Wife Wants To Change Daughter's Surname

[buffymad]

My boyfriend's ex wife has a new partner whom she's going to marry. She and my boyfriend had a daughter together when they were married. She hasn't let him see his daughter for about 4 years now (for ridiculous reasons).

She's now been in touch to ask if he'd let her change the daughter's surname to her new partners. Even if not totally, what about using both surnames. He obviously doesn't want to!

She's also said her new partner wants to adopt my boyfriend's daughter - which again, he's not happy about.

He can't afford to hire a solicitor otherwise he'd have taken her to court well before now and he's not the type of person who can do it alone.

Does anyone know where he stands as to the law, ie can his ex do any of this without his consent?

[Retrochic]

When a child is adopted by the mother or fathers partner they have to go through full adoption process including getting interviewed at length by Social Services or the appropriate Adoption services. There is no way an absent parent could have their child adopted without either their knowledge or consent. I know this through experience with a member of the family. I'm not sure what 'taken to court' means . as it is not a criminal offence to decide to call a child by a different surname.

[sherrardk]

A friend if mine was not allowed, by the school, to change her son's surname 'informally' and had to wait until it was all official.

[woofgang]

sherr, how could the school stop your friend?

[Khandro]

Re. change of name; Anyone in the UK can change their name by deed poll to anything they like and there is nothing anybody can do about it.

[sherrardk]

Woof, the school just said that he had to be called by the surname he already had until it became 'official' - it was all in the process of being done officially but they just wouldn't change it on the register, etc.

[woofgang]

oh I can see why they wouldn't change it on the register and so on until it was legal.....

[Peter Pedant]

// You may be talking to the wrong crowd, Mr P...//

No Marshie if but one can understand an allusion then I ( privately of course ) give myself 10/10

[Retrochic]

peter can't you just answer a simple question without dragging everyone into your paralleled universe? I'm sure dumbing down for the 'commoners' is not beyond your huge perceived intellect and would make for easier comprehension ;-)

[boxtops]

I didn't understand either what Becky Sharp had to do with buffy's question.

[atalanta]

Go to the Citizens Advice Bureau and get information about making the child a ward of court. And NO you do not have to pay a solicitor to do it. You can do it yourself. A few affidavits ( sworn statements ) will have to go back and forth, and the case will be heard by a judge, who will decide on access, child-support, and conditions of various sorts. No judge will permit the name change unless there are powerful reasons ( as above) .The court will probably insist that both parents agree on schools and religious observation. eg if the mother wants to join the moonies, the father can stop her from enrolling the child as a moonie, too. Wardship will also prevent the child being taken out of the country without permission from the father and the Court.

[woofgang]

Tis possible Divebuddy
"Adoption without your consent
A court can decide the adoption can go ahead without your consent if:

it thinks the child would be put at risk if they weren’t adopted - it will send you the evidence they have been given, eg from social services
you’re incapable of giving consent - eg due to a mental disability"

https://www.gov.uk/child-adoption/birth-parents-your-rights

[EDDIE51]

Thanks NJ, I was suggesting the 'McKenzie friend' as a help to the BF representing himself at a family court. They are often used in the less formal setting of the family court.

[buffymad]

I'd read up on McKenzie friends before and knew that they could help etc, but didn't think they could speak on his behalf. And that's the trouble - he's not good with words and I have a feeling if her hot shot solicitor "got all legal" with him, he'd not have a clue and wouldn't be able to retort in the same way. I'd love to do it for him but obviously the law won't let me.

He's not on a low wage - just can't afford how much it would cost to get a solicitor involved (I actually checked this out with a former colleague of mine who was prepared to give a small discount on her fees - but still wildly expensive!).

I know you can change your name by deed poll and that anyone can, but I'm assuming she wants to do it the "proper" way (if you know what I mean) and get his consent.

It's good to know he's finally got some say in all of this!

[EDDIE51]

PLEASE get him to contact' familys need fathers' this sort of situation is exactly why they exist !. They will be able to help with advice at least, their McKensie friends are very good at what they do, the equal of any 'hot shot' lawyer. The family courts are VERY keen to see that fathers get a fair share of their childrens life now. I speak from personal expierience .

[Ninnynanny]

You need to consult a solicitor first and foremost, before taking any kind of action.
Most solicitors' practice now offer a free half an hour consultation. That will be worth its weight in gold you your boyfriend. Just ring up solicitors in your area and ask if they have a specialist family solicitor that will give a free appointment.

[buffymad]

He's spoken to an ex colleague of mine who works in family law so he knows he should be having some say in his daughters life but unfortunately, without going to court, he can't really force her to do anything.