An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are captured by cannibals.
They are all tied to posts awaiting their fate when the chief comes up to them and says to them “ We are going to kill you, then skin you and make canoes out of your skins. Do you have any last requests?”
The Englishman says “Yes I would like a pint of bitter and a roast beef dinner please.”
The cannibals are quite civilised and they prepare it for him. Then they kill him, skin him and make a canoe.
The Scotsman is next and he asks for a malt whiskey and a haggis supper. The cannibals get this and then kill him.
When it’s the Irishman’s turn he asks for a pint of Guinness and a fork. Puzzled the cannibals get it for him and when they hand the fork over the Irishman snatches it off them and proceeds to violently stab himself all over with the fork.
He says “You are not going to make a canoe out of me.”