Thank You Ronnie Barker

[marval]

A strange thing happened during a performance of Elgar’s Sea Pictures, at a concert hall in Bermuda tonight.
The man playing the triangle disappeared.


The Prime Minister held a meeting with the cabinet today.
He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the chest of drawers.


The man who invented the zip fastener was today honoured with a lifetime peerage.
He will now be known as Lord of the flies.


Following a dispute with the domestic servant’s union at Buckingham Palace today.
The queen, a radiant figure in a white silk gown and crimson robe, swept down the main staircase and through the hall.
She then dusted the cloakroom and vacuumed the lounge.


“The search for the man who terrorises nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow.”


“Next week we'll be investigating rumours that the president of the dairy council has become a Mason, and goes around giving his colleagues the secret milkshake.”

[Togo]

A lorry spilled its 7 ton load of onions all over the M1 this afternoon. Motorists were all looking for a hard shoulder to cry on.

[DTCwordfan]

'Have you heard the one about the retired general who said he had not had sex since 1956?

His friend said, 'That's a long time ago. 'I don't know, 'the general replied.' It's only 20.27 now.'

[Togo]

Then there was the drunken campanologist who got caught up in the rope at the Christmas service. He caught his ding dong merrily on high.

[DTCwordfan]

'The shadow prime minister held a meeting with his dummy-cabinet today. He also spoke to the bookcase, his Corby'n trouser-press maestro and argued with the chest of drawers, the ones with his collection of Wedgewood-Benn delicate porcelain on it.'

[marval]

Good ones all

[Shaglene]

They are all brill.

[Togo]

Then there was the break in at police HQ when all the toilets were stolen or smashed. A police spokesman admitted that they had nothing to go on.

[1ozzy]

The local launderettes was robbed yet again.
It's become a pressing problem.

[Togo]

After a spate of dogs being stolen the police announced that they were following a number of leads.

[1ozzy]

I took my bike to be repaired.
They told me it was just two tired.

[zebo]

Last heard around Cecil Parkinson's troubles. The MFI problem, one loose screw and the whole Cabinet collapses.

[janbee]

Some real goodies in that lot. Thank you xx

[aelmpvw]

did you hear about the out-of-work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet

[jno]

the butcher who sat on his meat slicer, he's getting a little behind in his work.