As i was sitting on deck on a cruise a distinguished gentleman sat next to me and began reading a book after 15 minutes he looked up and asked " have you read marx" I said " yes its my own thought for...
Tea is more dangerous than beer. Please avoid drinking tea. I discovered this last night, I had 14 beers till 3am at the pub while my wife was just drinking tea at home. You should have seen how...
As I was paying the cashier for my Christmas tree, he asked, "Are you going to put that up yourself?"
I said, "No, you sick pervert, I'm putting it up in the living room!!...
Paddy is at the doctors with severe stomach pains the doctor says " I cant find anything wrong with you..it must be the drink"
Ok says paddy "I'll make another appointment when your sober"!...
The wife was trying on her new xmas dress in the bedroom. "Does my bum look big in this dress" she asks Gawd i thought here we go..so i walked out the bedroom down the stairs out the front door and...
Midget women goes to the doctors, and says, "doctor ive got itchy private parts"... doctor lifts up her skirt, gets some sissors and goes snip snip, he says, "Is that better,... The midget says, "A...
Yesterday i went to a new drive in cinema nr me
We watched bohemian rhapsody
There was a terrible electrical storm during the film.
Thunderbolt and lightning very very frightening !...
Lets have your worst Christmas cracker jokes!
I'll start with
Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden ? Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe...
Husband and wife having breakfast opening up the mail husband says "christ look at the price of this electric bill" Wife says " i just dont understand it being so high" Meanwhile in the other room the...
Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they...