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BANANASPLITS

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LadyCG

Men - They're All The Same!

Me ... "Will you get me bottle of wine?" Him ... "No, its Thursday night." Me ... "I haven't got work in the morning. Him ... "Don't care, it's still Thursday." Me ... "I'll do you a sexual favour."...
19:56 Thu 04th Oct 2018155 answers, last by bainbrig 19:42 Sat 06th Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

Carrying A Book...

Some guy stopped me in the street and asked “Why are you carrying a 9ft book?” I replied... “It’s a long story.”...
09:47 Thu 04th Oct 201813 answers, last by Shaglene 15:56 Thu 04th Oct 2018
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retrocop

Can This Man Turn My Water Into Wine

A very pleasing end result. What a master of the buzz saw. https://www.youtube.com/embed/2a1QISYNGHs?rel=0...
12:30 Thu 04th Oct 201818 answers, last by Spicerack 18:06 Thu 04th Oct 2018
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sunny-dave

The Perils Of Contactless ...

Had a wonderful afternoon at the MK Theatre yesterday (see the 'Bliss' thread) but one warning note now ... We each had a modestly sized glass of (fairly ordinary) wine in the (well named) 'crush bar'...
08:04 Thu 04th Oct 201823 answers, last by Arksided 11:32 Thu 04th Oct 2018
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ferlew

Boiler Making Odd Noises

As above, not noticed it much before, but sort of draining/chuckling sort of noises. Even when the timer is off, in fact even when I turn the boiler off. Is this normal please?...
14:54 Wed 03rd Oct 201811 answers, last by ExpertPowerFlush 18:22 Tue 20th Nov 2018
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BANANASPLITS

At The Restaurant....

So, me and the wife walked into a restaurant last night. "Hi, is our table ready?" "No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?" "No, that's okay." "Great, can you take these plates to table six then...
18:56 Wed 03rd Oct 20189 answers, last by zebo 21:30 Wed 03rd Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

Aston Villa....

Apparently a cabbage was thrown at Steve Bruce last night. Aston Villa 2-3 Preston. Villa are going through a bad patch....
15:23 Wed 03rd Oct 20184 answers, last by retrocop 15:33 Wed 03rd Oct 2018
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rockyracoon

Are All Men Deaf?

No matter what Mr RR is watching on the box, he has to have the sound blaring. Now, I know he's not deaf, but why do men have to have the sound turned up so loud. Or, is it just him? He wants a sound...
19:51 Tue 02nd Oct 201840 answers, last by jourdain2 14:52 Wed 03rd Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

My Parrot Has Died....

Unfortunately, my obese parrot has just died. It is, however, a huge weight off my shoulders....
09:16 Tue 02nd Oct 201817 answers, last by BANANASPLITS 19:51 Tue 02nd Oct 2018
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Patsy33

Two Doctors..

A man and woman are at a bar having a few beers. They start talking and soon realize they're both doctors. After an hour, the man says, "Hey, how about if we sleep together tonight? No strings...
11:48 Tue 02nd Oct 20186 answers, last by Shaglene 18:00 Wed 03rd Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

Doing 45Mph In 30Mph Zone?

What shall I expect not sure on new speeding regulations...
11:02 Sat 22nd Sep 201828 answers, last by BANANASPLITS 10:51 Mon 01st Oct 2018
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kvalidir

Unwarrented Personal Attacks And The Derailing Of Threads In Other Catagories.

I have just been dragged into a disagreement on another thread in News, which was toddling along well until a member posted amongst other things this. Does anyone else find the constant niggling of...
20:40 Sun 30th Sep 2018174 answers, last by kvalidir 15:25 Tue 02nd Oct 2018
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retrocop

Drink Lesson

Will was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whisky. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whisky curled...
09:13 Mon 01st Oct 20185 answers, last by Shaglene 18:17 Mon 01st Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

The Boss Of Dulux Has Died!

The boss of Dulux paints has died of hypothermia while trecking across the Antarctic... medics say he needed a second coat......
19:09 Sun 30th Sep 20189 answers, last by BANANASPLITS 19:25 Sun 30th Sep 2018
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retrocop

Wine Tasting

A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest. She was very good at identifying the wine. At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and...
00:47 Sun 30th Sep 20184 answers, last by Patsy33 15:10 Sun 30th Sep 2018
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Bramleyboy

What’S Penge Like?

We are thinking of moving to south London does anyone know what Penge is like? I know nothing about the area. Any advice please! Bramley.
20:31 Sat 29th Sep 201826 answers, last by retrocop 15:51 Sun 30th Sep 2018
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Patsy33

A Levels..

Just got an A, a C, a D and a C in my A Levels and have been accepted by a university in Yorkshire. Im on a highway to Hull.
20:24 Sat 29th Sep 20188 answers, last by BANANASPLITS 23:40 Sat 29th Sep 2018
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retrocop

Four Parrots

asian black people blonde chemistry Chuck Norris dad dead baby desert island dirty fat gay IT jewish kids knock-knock lesbian little Johnny marriage math mexican nerd poems racist redneck sex stupid...
23:39 Fri 28th Sep 201820 answers, last by mallyh 12:03 Sat 29th Sep 2018
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retrocop

Nervous Cab Driver

A taxi Fare tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop...
23:57 Fri 28th Sep 20182 answers, last by BANANASPLITS 11:47 Sat 29th Sep 2018
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BANANASPLITS

Forklift Test......

I passed my forklift test today. I did very well. My carer says I should be able to try the spoon tomorrow....
07:08 Sat 29th Sep 20188 answers, last by Patsy33 11:35 Sat 29th Sep 2018

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