carlton23 Member Profile in The AnswerBank

rjb1984

Ice cream van tune

Hi, I'm trying to hunt down a decent quality mp3 of the tune used by Ice cream vans, I think its called Greensleeves.... I've searched the net and found a few but none are the one i'm looking for! Can...

McMouse

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly, she tells her lover to...

BRIGHT SPARK

Top soil

We have just finished building a property and as a consequence of the build have approx 3000 tons of the original topsoil. This is in a mound twice the size of the house.It has been piled up for about...

darren197373

I went to see my nurse

for my annual health check this morning.She said,"I think you should stop W@nkin@."I asked "Why?"She said because im trying to examine you.

Sozzie

Non flowering Daffodils

I planted various types of daffodils two years ago but still no flowers. Should I dig them up and replant them or have I bought a bad batch?

douggym

Shining Army Boots

My son has joined the Army Cadet Force and has got his new boots. He has heard all sorts of stories and suggestions for getting the best shine on them, but are there any squaddies out there with the...

wizard66

keep me signed in

I have various internet accounts (googlemail, yahoo etc), however despite clicking the "keep me signed in" box, once ive left the site and then go back I have to sign in again. I dont have this...

janzman

The One Show on TV chefs......

Ive just been watching Adrian and Christine doing a feature on TV chefs.The piece went 'all the way back' to Delia Smith in the seventies with a cursory nod to Fanny Craddock from the sixties for...

tangojoe

Lost intranslation

A Texan on holiday in Quebec was really missing his daily horseback ride, so on spotting a horse in a field, decided to ask the farmer if he could rent the animal for an hour. "Non Monsieur, dat 'orse...

john1066

Body & Soul

Why do we open our mouths wide when we yawn; And why do we yawn anyway?

marval

Big People Words

A group of young children were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk. "You need to use 'big people' words," she...

richardjhoop

Sex therapy

A middle-aged couple go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse? The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so...

gloriana

Risqu� gag line

about the absent-minded CEO who sent his notes to the golf club, and .

McMouse

You have been warned

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was...

coke71

competition winner

I've just found out i've won a holiday to mexico, but am unable to go, i'm ******* pig sick !!!!!

pirateLiz

semi? demi?

semi is half...is demi a quarter?

Alf

Instead of grass

Anybody any ideas what I could lay in my garden to replace a small area of grass (not worth keeping) which is now mostly weeds and can get very wet when rainy. Would prefer it's not stones or slabs....

tiggerblue10

Jonathan Ross

Did anyone see Miley Cyrus on Tonight with JR? I thought she was very funny.

filthiestfis

Jimmy Carr on Graham Norton show

Just seen Graham Norton's show on BBC and comedian jimmy Carr is looking very thin. Is something wrong with him?

quizzywig

baftas

Caught the last hour of the BAFTAS. Delighted to see that Wossy didn't get an award (does Mrs Woss really think her hair looks good!?!) Wallander got an award apparently - didn't like it that much...

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